Total Pageviews

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Stormy Weather

There is some sort of tropical disturbance out in the Gulf of Mexico which has been sending us scattered thunderstorms for four days straight now. When it's not pouring rain, the sky is gray and dark and gloomy. A good match for my mood...

Yesterday at Rehab, I ran into the speech therapist, who gave me such a look, such a cold "how-do-you-do", that I didn't have the guts to ask about a waiver. The feeling I got from her is that she's fed up with us, done with us, so to speak. As Bob would say, "oh well"....

Also yesterday, in the morning, Bob woke up crying. I kept asking him "what's wrong?" but all I could get out of him was "I don't know" and, believe me, if he doesn't know, how can I help him? So there we were, him crying and now me crying. What a pathetic team we make....

I think, if only he could learn to communicate, to get his brain around the words so he could tell me what was going on in his mind, could express his feelings or let me know exactly what he needs, I think, everything would be so much easier...

Meanwhile, I've been searching for someplace to send him for more therapy and coming up pretty much empty-handed. There is a clinic in town called The Aphasia Center which specializes in speech therapy and they also work with swallowing problems. They seem to take on a lot of patients who have been discharged from "traditional" speech therapy.  From their website, I read the following:  "The speech therapist is the second force for therapy discharge. Your therapist may have more or less run out of ideas or ways to help you" and I'm thinking: right on, sister! This is exactly what has happened with Bob's therapist (the "first force", according to the website, is insurance companies). Anyway, this clinic specializes in intensive aphasia therapy, "personalized" therapy for each individual, 10-30 hours per week for 6-10 weeks, but the cost begins at $3733.00 and goes up from there. Oh, how I would love to enroll Bob is such a program! And it breaks my heart just knowing there is such a program out there, but not for Bob, because the insurance doesn't cover it and there is absolutely no way we can afford it....

Last night, I couldn't sleep. Bob is still keeping me up at nights with his bedwetting. So, after I got him cleaned up, I went out on the front porch. This was about midnight and the neighborhood was quiet (even the drug dealers down the street had retired for the night)... I sat in the dark, on the porch, watching a lightening storm in the distance. The lightening was far away, so far away I couldn't hear the thunder. From that distance, it seemed like bolts of lightening were repeatedly stabbing the ground, in the same spot, over and over again. It was a terrifying, but beautiful sight. Sort of like our life. Which at times seems both terrifying and, strangely, beautiful....

3 comments:

Jenn said...

You are such a beautiful person.
Much love
<3

Nikki said...

I love your description of the storm! Sometimes I have those moods like Uncle Bob where I'm in a dark or sad sort of mood and someone asks me what's wrong and I really don't know, so I can understand how frustrating it must be to be a person trying to help someone who really can't put a finger on what exactly's wrong.

Kate OT said...

Diane- My name is Kate and I am an Occupational Therapist. Last night I was browsing the internet for educational material (not using medical terminology) for my patients and their families that would describe the 7 stages of stroke recovery. I came across your blog and was captivated by your writing and you and your husbands story. It was and is so helpful for me to hear another side of the picture. I need to always remember that as I am working with families dealing with this enormous life changing event. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me be a better therapist today. I will prayer for Robert's recovery, the therapists who work with him, and YOU! Being a caregiver is a lot of work to say the least! I commend you for your honesty, determination, and ability to advocate for your husband! I can only hope to be that kind of woman for my husband should he ever need me.
Thank you again,
Kate