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Saturday, May 14, 2016

Another reason to have a "living will"

Or as Bob might have added, "another reason not to have kids!"

I'm talking about my dear friend, Chris, who is still hanging in there but being kept alive on life support.

The hospital has been trying to "wean" her off the ventilator/trach without any luck. Her kidneys are also failing so she is now on renal dialysis and she still has MRSA and the doctors asked her son for permission to, you know, "pull the plug". And he refused.

The hospital now says that they cannot keep Chris there because she is "stable" on the life support and they are not a "long term care facility".  And unfortunately, most nursing homes will not take a patient on a ventilator. Hospice will also not take a person on life support. So according to the hospital, the nearest place they could place Chris (with her insurance) is somewhere in Minnesota.

I am hearing all this thinking what the -----???

Because in Minnesota -- well, her family could not visit, nobody would be there for her to advocate for her, etc.....

Of course, the other alternative would be to "private pay" for her care, but her family doesn't have that kind of money.

Unfortunately, after talking with several people in the medical field, I find all of this is actually true, as awful as it sounds.

This past week, Chris's daughter showed up and asked me for Chris's mail, which I have been collecting (unopened) as it is delivered here.  I gave it to her and she opened up the last bank statement for the account where Chris has her monthly SS checks automatically deposited and found the balance was $14.88.

Again ---- what the ---???

The daughter suspects the son is the one draining the bank account, he is also the one refusing to take mom off life support and add two and two and could he really be keeping her alive for --- jeepers

I don't even want to think about that.

And I feel like I'm sort of caught in the middle of all this, as she is my dear friend --- but I'm not family and this is between them.  All I did was deliver the mail. And I know both daughter and son and both have been nice/good to me --  In fact, Chris' son painted our house.

But I am horrified.  I know Chris would not want to "live" like this. Heck, I wouldn't want to. Nor would I have allowed Bob to live like that.

I am sick with grief.

Both for Chris and still for Bob.

And today, the daughter came and took some of Chris's possessions out of her apartment and it was so very hard to see this happen.....

I have been crying all day.

I was invited to party tonight in the neighborhood, but I can't face people right now.

It's been a hard enough month, just dealing with all the emotions with Bob's 1 year anniversary coming up of his death.  I still can't believe it's been year.  I wonder why I am still here....

And I am heartbroken, stressed and mortified over this thing that is happening to Chris.....

And I feel so very, very alone.


Lisa said...

Sending you a big hug. It is so horrible that her son would be stealing from his sick mother who is unable to care for herself. I hope Chris' daughter can advocate for her. You have been a true friend to Chris and I cannot imagine seeing these decisions being made for her son's financial gain. That is just so sad.

Lauda said...

I really hope things ease up and soon. May Chris find her final resting place and than slowly slowly pick up where you kind of left off in your healing process without too much extra difficult things added to your plate.

Rebecca Dutton said...

Bottom Line #1: The medical system is about to cut off Chris's son's income flow - justice.
Bottom Line #2: I don't know what the bigger purpose is for you after Bob's death, but I always look forward to your posts. I can't identify why your current path touches something in me, but it does.

Barb Polan said...

Minnesota!?!?! It's got to be about money (isn't everything having to do with insurance?), but I can't figure it out.

Yes, everyone should have a living will AND have that person know what you would want done. That's the hard part, I think.

I hope everything is resolved soon, and in a way that's best for everyone.

I'm so sorry you've lost Chris.