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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

To Blog or Not To Blog?

That is the question. At least, on my mind.

I'm afraid to say, I've grown a bit paranoid. Paranoid to the point of hovering over that "Delete This Blog" button. Ready to send The Pink House into oblivion. Thinking this blog is a big mistake.

This because I received an e-mail from a concerned reader warning me about "revealing too much" here regarding the lawsuit. The Hospital, you know, could be spying on me. Reading my posts daily. Looking for things to use against us. And I should keep this in mind before I post anything.

At first, I was merely flabbergasted. I mean, really, what have I said here but the truth? What, on earth, could be used "against" us?

Because I am a careful person and certainly not so stupid as to spill the beans on any of our attorney's strategies or tactics... But I went back through my posts anyway, looking for anything that would be detrimental to our case. That could be "used against us". Not that I found anything. And pretty much everything I've written about the lawsuit is basic stuff that The Hospital already knows.


I asked a few people who I speak to regularly if they saw anything potentially detrimental or harmful in my blog. Anything that The Hospital could use against us. I was surprised at the response. Which was not so much worry about The Hospital spying on me, but about malicious "others" out there, lurking in cyberspace, who might want to do us harm and/or steal our money.

Jeepers. I hadn't even thought of that.

Not that we have any money to steal, right now. And, heck, if/when we get a settlement, it's all going straight into an untouchable trust fund for Bob's comfort and medical care... That is, if there is any money left, after the lawyer takes his cut and all the insurance companies, who are already lining up, grab their paybacks. Heck, we'll be lucky to have two nickels to scrape together at the end of the day.

But over and over I heard, be careful what you write, Diane. Be careful. And this: Diane, you are too trusting. And this: remember all those horrible stories about what happens to lottery winners. (Think: robbery, murder, mayhem and all sorts of scumbags coming out of the woodwork to grab a piece of the pie...)

Not that winning a lawsuit is anything like winning the lottery. 

I tell you, I'd drop this lawsuit in an instant if they could just give me my husband back. The way he used to be, you know, before he entered The Hospital's facility: i.e. walking, moving both arms, talking, eating, sleeping in the same bed as me...

Am I too trusting? Or is everyone else just being paranoid? Should I be paranoid? And just thinking about this stuff, heck, it's making me paranoid. I tell you, paranoia is contagious.

This past week or so, there have been a few times when I've wanted to blog about some particular issues and just literally froze in front of the computer. Terrified that someone could/would use a particular post or sentence or word of mine against Bob and me. And wavering back and forth about what is "safe" to say. Then doubting myself. And then doubting my doubt. Then deciding it's probably better to say nothing at all... just to be safe.

But not to blog just about kills me.... so I wrote about lizards and eggs and rainy weather and posted some cute cat pictures instead. Safe stuff. I think.

Am I being paranoid? Should I be paranoid? Have I said too much?

PS: I disabled the "word verification" for comments,  and am hoping to get some feedback on this post!


Anonymous said...

Hi Diane,

I don't think it should be so much paranoia or fear of what you write in your blog, but care. Though all of us readers want to hear about any improvements Bob may have in his rehabilitation, I can see that as a possible flag for the hospital should they be reading the blogs. I don't believe writing about your daily struggles and concerns would be a problem, and you need that ability to vent and have others to lean on.

Should the settlement after lawyer expenses be large, then do be paranoid of sudden friends coming out of the woodwork, solicitations for money from "meaningful" organizations, etc. Set up the trust immediately for Bob's care, but do set aside some funds for your own long term care too. Don't be afraid to use a reputable financial adviser for assistance.

Should you end the blog? It's a source of pleasure for you, and in these difficult times, you need the blog. So don't give it up, and don't be paranoid.....just be careful.

Hugs, Dan

kdstentzel said...

I ran into this problem a few months ago, which is why I still haven't picked my blogging back up after a few months break.

Our only source of income right now is thru Mike's Worker's Comp claim - we get a portion of his previous salary and they cover all of his medical/therapy expenses. Mike is constantly being evaluated by the insurance company to make sure that he still qualifies for these benefits, and we have to go thru them to get approved for therapy, medications... the whole gambit. It dawned on me that everything that I blog about could potentially be used against us - if complain about Mike not making progress, the insurance company might see it and decide on a review to get out of paying for Mike's therapy. If he IS making progress, maybe they push for less therapy because he obviously doesn't need it as much... the idea is certainly enough to make a cautious caregiver paranoid.

And to be fair - that's not the only reason that I haven't gone back to blogging. Most days I just don't have enough nice things to say, and I really don't want to spread around the whole MIKE WILL NEVER BE NORMAL AND I'M LOSING MY MIND mentality to Mike's friends and family.

So. Should you quit blogging? That's entirely up to you. I haven't read anything that I think would mess up the lawsuit or incite any shenanigans against you from friends or other people, but only you can know that for sure.

I love reading the updates on Bob and there are so few caregiver blogs out there that your writing is really a breath of fresh air for me. If you decide to take a break, I totally get it. If you decide to thumb your nose at all the doubters and keep on writing, I totally get it.

And I suppose if you're super worried about it, you could always make the blog private so that you can control who is reading your content. (Well, you can never COMPLETELY control where your writing ends up, but that'd help filter out most of the stranger-danger threats, I suppose.)

I promise that I won't sell any of your secrets to the hospital's lawyer.


Hasna said...

Oh no! After a gruelling exhausting day, I come to your blog, read it & slowly I get relaxed. I can so, so, so relate to your condition... Me going through the same here too. And if you stop writing, where will I go to relax?
- Hasna

Grace Carpenter said...

Don't stop blogging! I love your blog, and I truly believe that you're helping a lot of people who are struggling to get through the day.

Can you write the posts that are questionable in terms of the lawsuit, but not publish them yet? One day, you will be able to publish everything.

There's a book by Julia Fox Garrison. She had a stroke, and I think she took part in a lawsuit. Maybe you could get in touch with her?

I've been following this blog: She also has also talked about tricky situations.

Thinking about you guys,

Jenn said...

Heard something great today -
"No matter what's going on in the body that is wrong, if a person is alive, there is still MORE going on that is right. Prana (breath) is present in the system." - Leslie Kaminoff (yoga teacher/therapeutics)

J.L. Murphey said...

Diane, I have been reading your site for some time now. The only post I've read that might fall in the questionable area was the post about your trip antiquing with Bob. The argument could be made...well if he's well enough to that...but as a caregiver you know the prep that went into that trip and the hardships you faced.

Just like when we took my husband and grandson to a stamp expo in SC. Even though we went for the weekend I had my jump bag with medical monitoring equipment, a small oxygen condenser, drugs, extra "D" cylinders of O2, and we walked around the show with a rolling suitcase. Yes, we went and had a good time, but it wasn't without a load of preparation.

I say keep blogging. You've got to vent some time. You've never said life is grand or hunky dory with Bob's stroke. Even to posting his art work, still do it. You are proud of ant progress he's making. The comparison now to were he was is striking and heart breaking. Even though you take it as hopeful.

Most of your posts have been nondescript and about hardships. Recently you've taken a humorous slant to your posts. I noticed! But it does not mask how you feel or what you are going through. We can read between the lines.

As far as others taking advantage of's possible. But I believe you are a smart, savvy woman and if there is any doubt you'll ask someone reliable. By now you aren't grabbing at quick solutions.

Barb Polan said...

Diane: Please don't stop. Your blog is a constant inspiration for my husband (my caregiver) and me, even though our situation resembled yours in absolutely no way.

I have only 2 suggestions: (1) never mention the names of the hospital/doctors OR give any identifying details - that could be considered an attempt to harm their reputations. and (2) never believe that any reasonable person could think that Bob is not seriously harmed simply because he can be wheeled around somewhere and enjoy himself; keep it up because you both deserve some enjoyment. It is a reflection of what your heart is capable of, not what Bob is physically capable of.