That is the question. At least, on my mind.
I'm afraid to say, I've grown a bit paranoid. Paranoid to the point of hovering over that "Delete This Blog" button. Ready to send The Pink House into oblivion. Thinking this blog is a big mistake.
This because I received an e-mail from a concerned reader warning me about "revealing too much" here regarding the lawsuit. The Hospital, you know, could be spying on me. Reading my posts daily. Looking for things to use against us. And I should keep this in mind before I post anything.
At first, I was merely flabbergasted. I mean, really, what have I said here but the truth? What, on earth, could be used "against" us?
Because I am a careful person and certainly not so stupid as to spill the beans on any of our attorney's strategies or tactics... But I went back through my posts anyway, looking for anything that would be detrimental to our case. That could be "used against us". Not that I found anything. And pretty much everything I've written about the lawsuit is basic stuff that The Hospital already knows.
I asked a few people who I speak to regularly if they saw anything potentially detrimental or harmful in my blog. Anything that The Hospital could use against us. I was surprised at the response. Which was not so much worry about The Hospital spying on me, but about malicious "others" out there, lurking in cyberspace, who might want to do us harm and/or steal our money.
Jeepers. I hadn't even thought of that.
Not that we have any money to steal, right now. And, heck, if/when we get a settlement, it's all going straight into an untouchable trust fund for Bob's comfort and medical care... That is, if there is any money left, after the lawyer takes his cut and all the insurance companies, who are already lining up, grab their paybacks. Heck, we'll be lucky to have two nickels to scrape together at the end of the day.
But over and over I heard, be careful what you write, Diane. Be careful. And this: Diane, you are too trusting. And this: remember all those horrible stories about what happens to lottery winners. (Think: robbery, murder, mayhem and all sorts of scumbags coming out of the woodwork to grab a piece of the pie...)
Not that winning a lawsuit is anything like winning the lottery.
I tell you, I'd drop this lawsuit in an instant if they could just give me my husband back. The way he used to be, you know, before he entered The Hospital's facility: i.e. walking, moving both arms, talking, eating, sleeping in the same bed as me...
Am I too trusting? Or is everyone else just being paranoid? Should I be paranoid? And just thinking about this stuff, heck, it's making me paranoid. I tell you, paranoia is contagious.
This past week or so, there have been a few times when I've wanted to blog about some particular issues and just literally froze in front of the computer. Terrified that someone could/would use a particular post or sentence or word of mine against Bob and me. And wavering back and forth about what is "safe" to say. Then doubting myself. And then doubting my doubt. Then deciding it's probably better to say nothing at all... just to be safe.
But not to blog just about kills me.... so I wrote about lizards and eggs and rainy weather and posted some cute cat pictures instead. Safe stuff. I think.
Am I being paranoid? Should I be paranoid? Have I said too much?
PS: I disabled the "word verification" for comments, and am hoping to get some feedback on this post!