Dear Readers: I've learned my lesson and promise to try to reply to all comments.
I have a question, hypothetical question, actually a couple, for you all, and would appreciate your honest response.
Question #1:
If your father, whom you always thought of as your Dad, was, in fact, not your biological father, would you want to know the truth?
Question #2:
If you found out your father was not your biological father (from a third party) how would that make you feel?
Thanks and looking forward to some responses.
19 comments:
Hi Diane,
Regarding your questions.. I often find it hard to answer questions if I haven't "been there" so to speak. But I try to thoughtfully reply.
I was raised by a stepdad..tho for he and myself he was my dad..no "step"..ever. I was 6 when my mom married him, and I will forever be grateful to have had such an amazing man for a dad. He and my mom never talked bad about my bio dad, but I always knew he was a creep. I'll leave it at that.
The 2nd part of your question.. if I found out from a 3rd party, how would I feel? Hmm.. It would depend on several factors I think. Like who is this 3rd party? Do I know them personally? Are we just acquaintances, friends, or family?
How was/is my relationship with my biological mom? Why didn't she tell me? Does the man I've always thought of as my bio dad know he's not? Does the actual bio dad know he is? Do I personally know him?
I'm afraid I've asked more questions than provided answers.. Eek! Sorry..I
Thanks for replying on your prior post that you do always read every reply on your posts. Honestly I don't really look for a reply to every post I leave (I don't still follow any other blog but yours actually). But I think every now and again to know the blogger read my post is great!
You're the 1st blog I came across after my hubby had his stroke. We were still in the hospital; and even tho I worked in the medical field (OT) I was reeling from what happened to my guy. I got him to the ER fast..I knew he had "thrown a clot" and was having a stroke. The medical personnel insisted it was an atypical migraine. I was like Shirley MacLaine in "Terms of Endearment" telling them it was NOT a migraine! Sadly, to no avail. 30 hrs later and much too late to try the tPA they came and told us he'd had a stroke.
I'll hush now. Just please know there are people who read your posts even if we don't always reply.
Regards,
Kan
P.S. Happy 2020!
of course I would want to know out of curiosity and may seek to be reunited and want to know details, but.....the man who raised me would always be my father, because that person made many sacrifices for me and took on a responsibility he did not have to.
First of all, hi, Kan! My relationship with this blog is about the same.
Second, we are dealing with a similar situation here, and the involved person has no desire to learn more about the actual progenitor, or his family. Period.
Third, the third person’s motive is always suspect, and therefore any information is suspect, as well.
Fourth, I don’t expect a reply. You’re writing a blog, not striking up a correspondence.
Fifth, I hope 2020 is a better year for you and yours.
Stephany in Iowa
Thanks Kan, I understand why you can't "put" yourself in the situation. As far as third person, it would be person who know you well, knows the family well and family secrets....
Hillary, thanks appreciate your comment.
Stephany, thanks for your comment. Motive of third party would be that the non-bio father wanted the truth to be known -- but never had the chance......
Gee whiz! My blog is looking popular with so many comments! Even though half are mine. LOL
Knowing what I do, what is the motivation of the third person?
To let the truth be known, as he wanted.
On question # 1. I would like to know for health issue only. What runs on that side of the family?
On question # 2. Why is this 3rd party telling me that. It's not there business. What do they grain from telling the family secrets. But there one in every family that think it's there place to tell all.
I love your blog. Even if I don't reply. I love to hear about psychic blog.
I so believe. And I love when you post pictures too.
Hugs to Kona.
Thanks Rhonda, appreciate your answers! And glad to hear someone loves my "woo woo" posts! ha!
thanks again
Diane,
The first question I'd ask you...would it change the way you'd feel about your nonbiological dad? If the answer is no, then what does it matter about the two questions you asked?
Any Joe could be a sperm donor. But your Dad is your Dad. It's a relationship born and survived with love on both of your parts. So my answered are a bit skewed here and need a bit more info. My beloved was more of a Dad to my girls than their biological father.
I'm going to assume that you are the telling the truth about this other person's parentage here. Please keep in mind I'm not blasting you. Just playing devil's advocate here. Remember, I'm looking at this from a minister's point of view.
Is the person in question an adult? The reason I ask is if it were a minor, it's up to the parents to tell the child. If it were an adult, I'd weigh the choice of telling them very carefully. How would they react to this bit of info? And part two question, if you are the one doing the telling, how would it affect your relationship. They could very well lash out in anger at you and damage any future relationship you might have with them.Does the biological parent (mother know this truth? How would she feel about you telling her offspring the truth? The questions so get complicated.
Why would you feel that you should tell this person the truth? Do you feel righteous? If it were you, you would want to know? Secrets are abhorrent to you and the truth should be told always? Lies should be exposed no matter the cost.What are you motivations? Does not telling hurt you?All of these are a third party response.
As far as the child involved (I use the word child loosely) there will be anger, grief, tears, misunderstanding, feeling they have lied to, betrayal, depression and a whole host of emotional baggage. It will take time to sort through all of it. It destroys the foundation of her life as she knew it and she will have to find balance again.It may take decades.
Diane,Look how long it has taken you to deal with the loss of Bob and me Terry. Having foundations shattered beneath you is very unstabilizing this was...and it wasn't our parents.
Hey Jo, that's a lot questions! but, briefly. #1: no it would not change way the I felt about my father. But I would want to know the truth, if that was the truth. and perhaps it would clear up a lot of questions: i.e. why my "father" did some of things he did. And I'd want to know who my "real" father was....
Child is an adult.
Biological mother knows the truth, always did. Non-bio father found out the truth when the child was 7 years old, a complete shock to him.
Was just curious how others would feel in this situation. How would you feel Jo? You really didn't say.
Thanks for you reply!
Question 1: Yes, I would want to know if the person I thought was my father was not, in fact, my father.
Question 2: If you found out your father was not your biological father (from a third party) how would that make you feel? I would be very confused and upset, because I have 2 adopted siblings, and they have always known they were adopted. I was 4, and they were 2 and 3 when they were adopted, so everyone knew, including (when they came along) my 4 younger siblings. So for me, I would be very upset because all my siblings know their true status, yet mine was kept from me.
Denise, thanks for your reply -- who would you be upset at? the third party who told you? or the ones who always knew and never told you? Just asking. thanks
Good point made about medical history.
I would probably want to know if my father were not my biological father, since I think in general,"the truth shall set you free." However, I wouldn't want to hear about it from someone who perhaps had an axe to grind and said it in a snide way.
Lynne in CT
Thanks Lynn, appreciate your reply.
I have several comments. One of my first involves a topic discussed by one of my favorite radio hosts. Her reply is that the man who raised you is your father. The other guy knocked up your mother, and left. End of subject.
Second comment is very personal. My guy's mother told him, when he was younger, that she was raped by her uncle, and that he was product of that rape. And that his "real father" had committed suicide on his (my man's) 18th birthday.
What. A. Bitch.
My guy has NO interest in knowing any family members, even though he did a DNA registry, and has located several half sibs, who all have similar stories. His father is the man who raised him, gave him his work ethic, and for whom he cared as he died of skin cancer, much more lovingly than his mother did.
Take all this with the spirit in which it is offered. I, myself, might be happy to know my dad wasn't, because he was an alcoholic mean shyster, but it wouldn't change my life now.
Post a Comment