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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Neighborhood News

The big news here in the neighborhood is that house next door to us has been...

and is now slated for demolition.

Now, those of you who have actually visited The Pink House on the Corner might be wondering which house I'm talking about, so I will clarify it here. I'm talking about The Window Pisser's house. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I will tell you the story of The Window Pisser and his house:

When Bob and I first moved into The Pink House on the Corner, I was up early one morning walking Boomer past the neighbor's house...

Boomer was doing what Boomer does best, sniffing around the trees on the boulevard, when I heard a strange trickling of water. When I looked up, I was rather startled to see a large, naked torso of a man pressed up against the window screen.

My first thought was oh my god, the neighbor is a flasher!!!! Well, that's not exactly true. My first thought was GAAA!!!!

My second thought was oh my god, the neighbor is a flasher!!!

It was then I realized that this man was not just an exhibitionist. Remember that trickle of water? This man was actually urinating out of the window, through the screen, and into the bushes.

After I got over my initial shock, I quickly yanked Boomer by the leash and swiftly moved down the street. I began to wonder just what kind of neighborhood we had moved into.

When I got home, I told Bob that he would never believe what I just saw. Thus, our neighbor (whose name we did not know at that time) acquired the nickname of "The Window Pisser". And the name stuck.

Now, The Window Pisser had bought the house next door to us that very same year which we bought our house. His house was a cute 1920's bungalow built by the same man who built our house and The Window Pisser paid $117,000 for it. Then he commenced on "fixing it up"....

First, he stuccoed the house, which believe me, did nothing for it's character or charm.  Then he changed out some of the windows,  he did this work himself and some of them look, well, sort of cattywampus. Not to mention the foam insulation you can see between the cracks. After that, he added a large deck which the city promptly made him tear off because it was too close to the property line and he, well, forgot to get a building permit. Next, he installed a crooked fence from mismatched fence parts he salvaged from somewhere. And he put in an "above ground swimming pool" which was constructed from what looked like two old hot tubs welded together and surrounded by unfinished plywood. The final crowning touch was to put sheets of plywood on the ground and roll astro turf over the entire yard.

I tell you, he was, for a long time, the talk of the neighborhood. No one had ever seen someone stick so much money and time into a house only to make it look worse and worse...

Then, a few years ago, the bank foreclosed and The Window Pisser moved.  And a For Sale sign went up. The asking price was $37,000.

And nothing happened. Except the front porch steps rotted and collapsed. And the plywood in the yard rotted. And homeless squatters moved in. Windows were broken out. Finally, last year, the squatters set the place afire one night.

This month, the city condemned the property and it looks like it will be torn down and the vacant lot will be sold.  And I'm thinking, hmmmm, an empty lot next door. And I have an idea. Which is that we should buy The Window Pisser's lot as it's adjacent to our back yard. We could put in a real in-ground swimming pool for aqua therapy and build a small guest house with an attached but separate therapy/exercise room and a wheelchair accessible shower...

I tell this idea to Chris, who sits with Bob when I run errands. She says, "If you build a guest house and a swimming pool, I'm moving in as your permanent guest!"

I tell this idea to Bob, who says, "Nice ...... Dream...."

But it is nice to dream...

Though whatever happens, it will be nice to have that eyesore of a house gone.

1 comment:

Susan said...

All I want to know is,...does a cabana boy come with the in- ground pool?? I hate it when I have to mix my own drinks!! lol

Keep dreaming, right?