|September 16. 1994|
When I was transferring our computer files over to the new computer, I found a document titled "Diane and Bob" and, when I opened it, I was surprised and amazed to find Bob's account, in his own words, of the day we met! I never knew he had written this, and just reading it so much brought"old Bob" back to me, the way talked, his sense of humor, etc. And I tell you, this is the best surprise anniversary gift ever!
I know I shared the "how we met" story before, but this is Bob's version, written 20 years ago, in 1994 shortly before we were married and I thought I'd share it here, unedited, complete with typos and grammatical errors, and oh, he sort of just trails off mid-thought at the end.... (thought I'd warn you)!
Handsome DM Seeks...
The ad read: Handsome DM, 34, 6'3", blond, mild-tempered, good sense of humor. Seeks attractive, slender SWF, 25-38 who enjoys romantic times and intelligent conversation–short and to the point. I had spent my life looking for someone who was not only attractive and slender, but who had a brain and who’s only thrill in life was not lamenting for hours on the great prices in the Target ad in the Sunday paper but to talk about things that really mattered (other than the weather and how bout them Bears? Eh?).
It was the day of my cousin Brenda’s wedding. Talk about a screwed up wedding. I was an usher–a second class wedding position if there ever was one. At the reception I was wearing a gray tux complete with all the usual non-utilized accessories such as pain in the ass buttons, this waist band thing that apparently was there to stop your guts from falling out in the event we all had to commit hari-cari and a bowtie that was installed to make sure that you would not swallow more than your fair share of food.
Ah yes, the reception! That was a treat in the finer category of useless social events and traumatic experiences. I wasn’t allowed to sit up in front with the rest of the tuxes and dresses because after all, I was only an usher–in a second class wedding position. Thank God I spent $60 for the tux. I should have worn jeans or just bikini briefs and a bowtie for all it mattered.
Time for dinner, oh boy! Dried out sirloin tips, something resembling some type of potato product, and stuffing that even a taxidermist wouldn’t use. The corn was good. Try screwing up corn.
After dinner as the food relentlessly went straight for my organs, I decided to go to the bar for my own sanity.
For the next couple of hours I watched as the lovely little couples did their little lovely couple things, while I did my lovely little single person thing, which was to sit there and wait for relatives to swim slowly close to the bar and I would snatch them at the last second and make small talk, just to torture them slowly, ever so slowly. It was around 10:30 that night and I decide that it was time to go someplace I felt more comfortable–Downtown!
Sue and Jeff, my sister and brother in law, were on the first caravan leaving the reception from hell. They dropped me off at my apartment so I could get out of the patented fake leather shoes that were relentlessly killing my toes, and slip on some genuine honest to god real shoes. They waited while I changed. I thought to myself, well I paid $60 for this tux, I might just as well use it. When I came back to the car they asked me why I wanted to get downtown and leave the reception. I told them that I felt lonely at the reception and just wanted to go somewhere where I felt more comfortable. Downtown.
They dropped me off at Spanky’s bar. Hard rock and drugs! Go’s great with a tux I thought. The bar was hopping and I started noticing that a tux wasn’t all bad, because it made all the difference as far as conversation. Did you just get married? the women said. Who’s the poor guy? the men said. At any rate I felt dressed to the max, a lean mean dressed up machine. Back to my environment, the last bastion of sanity for a DWM.
The next bar was the Helm. My place. They knew my name and I wouldn’t’ even have to ask for my rum and Coke, they just gave it to me. I walked in all dressed up and had many comments about my tux as I went down the bar. I stopped at the far end of the bar to wait for my drink. As I stood there waitng for my drink, I noticed a blond lady sitting next to a letch (one of those decrepped men who sits there waiting for next available women to fall in, black widower revisited). She turned around and nudged the woman next to her. The woman next to her turned around and gave me a really wonderful smile. She recognized me. It was a lady that was working at the local college that I had gone to called W.W.T.C. the year before.
At W.W.T.C. while I was a student there, I had noticed her one day out smoking cigarettes. At the time I thought that she was a very beautiful woman with an air of sophistication, but at that time I was going out with Cherry, a girlfriend that I had been dating for about a year (without a brain). I had broken up with Cherry last year because she was, I felt, too old for me. I was 34 and she was 46. I had visions of Depends diapers, heart monitors going Beep! Beep! Beep! (Not to be confused with the road runner going Meep, Meep, Meep! And the slight Poof that a coyote makes when it hits the bottom of the canyon after using ACME road runner killer.), and a turbo charged wheel chair with a fuel injected 5.0 liter, dual over head cam, fuel injected milti-port engine. She couldn’t remember who I was. I then told her that I had smoked cigarettes with her at W.W.T.C. Last year and that I graduated the year before in Commercial Art. I didn’t feel that she was interested at that time. There was a time while going to school there that I had finally gotten up the courage to ask her out but I never saw her again. When I first met her I had really wanted to ask her out, but I tend to be very shy and didn’t even try. She had class.
Back to the Helm.
After she had turned around, I noticed that she was a very beautiful lady, brown hair, large blue eyes, and a smile that just pierced my soul. She was gorgeous! I could feel the eyes, the eyes tell all and there was a deep attraction. As we talked I found that she was extremely intelligent and was just not another bimbo on the roadway of life. She had class. As we talked I realized that this was not the type of person that I wanted to have a one night stand with, this was someone too special, the type you spend your life with,
As we talked I found out that her name was Diane, and we made small talk about things, I noticed that we could carry on a conversation without effort. (Handsome DM seeks...) I felt at that time that Diane deserved better than a one night stand, she was a lady and deserved to be treated as such. Through conversation I had mentioned the fact that I had placed a Date Line ad. Diane thought that I was obviously a recovering alcoholic or a snake charmer without a clue. She gave me a hard time about that and wondered what my ad said. I said that she would have to read the ads in the Sunday paper in the morning and try to figure out which one I was. I gave her my business card and told her to call me in the morning if she figured it out. It’s safer that way because, if Diane felt interested she would call, If not I would never hear from her again, but at least it would not be one-sided
Sunday morning. The phone rings. Hi, are you the handsome DM, 34, 6'3", blond, mild-tempered, good sense of humor. Seeks attractive, slender SWF, 25-38 who enjoys romantic times and intelligent conversation? Halfway through the conversation I realized that the call was from the night before. I forgot her name, what a schmuck, I’m bad with names, I hope she understands! We talk for hours and we’re never at a loss for words, like last night. We talk for hours on end and I finally ask her out. I think she’s gorgeous! I forgot her name! She forgives me. We make plans for next Tuesday to go out. I find out later that I had other plans. I hope she’s not pissed. We reschedule for Thursday night at 8:15. I’m looking forward to it.
Thursday night we meet at the Casino Bar. Diane comes in wearing a mohair coat and a wonderful hat that really shows her beauty