And it's been so hard. Harder than I ever imagined. Some days, I just feel paralyzed. Other days, I feel like a zombie -- on auto pilot. Most days, I am in tears. I have not been doing so well.
I know, people say, "well, good thing Chris is there" and she is, and I'm grateful -- but, Chris does not understand this at all. For one, she's never been married, let alone had a soulmate, and she's impatient with me to "get it together", sometimes to the point of harping at me and criticizing me --- for example on July 4th when I was really breaking down, her response was "Well, I always spend holidays alone! It's not bad! You just have to keep busy!" grrr... In addition, she's going through her own medical crisis -- so pretty much spends the days either vomiting or with diarrhea -- and I get the whole story on that... So, not much support there, I'm afraid.
I've been reading some memoirs on widowhood, (just finished Joan Didion's A Year of Magical Thinking, and Gail Lynch's In Sickness & In Health and am working my way though Joyce Carol Oates A Widow's Story) and the thing that strikes me is that at first, those widows are surrounded by family and friends -- and I haven't been. I'm just here alone. Which really, by the way, sucks.
So! I'm looking so forward to Lori, my dear old friend (we've known each other since high school) arriving tomorrow and staying for a couple of weeks. I really, really need this -- and I've made her promise that we will do a "spa day" with a massage and hair cut (the latter for me, I really need one) and she must drag me there, if I protest!
Also, I've spent some time getting together a guest room in our spare bedroom -- had to buy a bed, mattress, curtains, bedding, etc. And though, it's not been exactly "fun" -- it's kept me busy.
I'm truly looking forward to this visit. So if this blog is quiet for a couple of weeks, you know why.
Meanwhile, the house is getting pinker by the day! Still far from done, but it's getting there. I'm probably the only person who hires the painter with the prosethic leg (I'm not kidding, he really does have one)--- but I do like to hire folks who need the work. And he's doing a great job, even though it's slow going!
|Window box, columns, some trim still not painted. But getting there!|
(Click to enlarge.)
I so wish Bob was here to see it. He helped pick out the colors. He would have been so happy...
Boomer is still hanging in there. He has lost a lot of weight (64 lbs. now, down from 87 lbs in May and 102 lbs at his prime of life), and now has an eye infection, but on his vet visit today, Hillary thought he looked "happier" (because of Kona?). He's got some new eye ointment and we are trying a different appetite stimulant -- it is a daily struggle to get him to eat. The vet thinks Boomer might have some kind of cancer (because of his weight loss/appetite loss), but with his hip dysplasia + arthritis + old age -- thinks it would be too hard on him to put him through tests/treatments -- and after Zenith (who did have cancer and died after the tumor removal) I really don't think I even want to go there... Even as my heart is breaking...
Kona still has an ear infection, so new meds for her, too.
Ripley chilling out, taking over some of Zenith's former duties -- like meeting me at the door! Which is so cute.
And my chipped/sprained wrist is still killing me --- but seems to be a little better today. Bad thing is I keep using it/straining it, so it's taking awhile to heal...
But I have question -- for all my readers -- I've been wondering, do I keep blogging here? At the pinkhouseonethecorner -- or should I start a new blog? You know, a sort of Diane-without-Bob widow's blog?
There are pros and cons to both... And I'm just thinking out loud. Would like some feedback. Thanks.