I went to a medium, last week. For a reading. The reading was an hour and a half long and I was emotionally and physically drained and exhausted, for days, afterward. She e-mailed an audio recording of the reading, which I listened to twice. The first time, I cried all through. Heck, I cried all through the actual reading. But I listened to it today again, calmer now, and took some notes. Here are some of the highlights:
I see a man, tall and slender and light complected, blonde hair, thick and wavy. Very tall, over six feet tall. Does that sound like your husband?
I say, yes.
Tell me something for your wife:
He was sick at the end. I feel this from him. Tell me something for your wife.
He says, he loves you a lot, he loves you so much, he loves you very very much, he comes and touches your face, sometimes, but you don't feel it. He loves you very much, this is the first thing he wants you to know.
And he does not want you to remember him the way he was at the end, he wants you to remember him "tall, blonde and handsome" the way he was when you met him.
Oh, this is silly, but I'm getting goosebumps. Look at my arms, see? goosebumps! I cannot fake that. Do you know what that means? It means this is a truth, a universal truth.
He's saying to you, "you are the love of my life", he loves you so so much, he's making me cry, the love he has for you is so great, it's unconditional, there is no limit to his love, he loves you so very very much. It's the kind of love God has, angels have, that's the kind of love he has for you.
You are the love of his life. He keeps saying that.
He's showing me you, when you are younger, wearing a blue dress, and you are dancing with him. It's a fancy dress, with short sleeves and tight on the top but with a full skirt. It looks like a 1950's style dress. He says you were beautiful then. He says you are beautiful now.
But he does not want to talk about the past. He wants to talk about now. He is worried about you.
He doesn't want you to suffer. He did not want to hurt you. He did not want to leave.
He's concerned you do have not enough support. You do not have people around you. Your husband wants you to have friends, wants you to have support. You shouldn't be so alone.
You are blessed. This man was your soulmate, he loves you so much. Most people never have that. Oh, 99% of people never have that! But you did. You are truly blessed.
But he feels like he has let you down. He didn't want to leave you. He didn't want to hurt you by leaving you.
He's been trying to connect with you in your dreams, but because you are so much in pain, he can't connect. He visits you at night, sometimes you wake up and when you wake up in the middle the night, it's because he has been there.
He's having a hard time because he doesn't want to leave you. He wants you to be OK. He wants to wipe away your tears. I think it's beautiful, the way he says that. He's trying to take care of you, trying to help you.
He's also concerned about his daughter, a daughter with blonde hair, he's trying to take care of her too. She has a man in her life that he does not like. He worries about her, too. It's too bad that you both can't talk together. You both need support.
He wants you to have someone to talk to -- he wants you to have friends. He does not want you to be alone. He wants you to have support.
He wants you to meet him in a dream, he wants to meet you in a beautiful garden in a dream.
She asks me if I want to say something to him, I tell her to tell him "I'm sorry." That I'm sorry I did not take him to the hospital the day before he died.
He says that he did not want to go to the hospital. He says, "No way!", if you would have taken him to the hospital he would be mad at you for that. He hates hospitals! He doesn't like hospitals, he makes it very clear, he HATES hospitals. You did the right thing. You were a very good wife. He knew he was passing and he did not want to go to the hospital. He did not want to die at a hospital. You did everything right and he thanks you for that. He is grateful. And he wants you to know, he did not suffer.
I ask, what was he trying to tell me the night before he died? He was trying to say something that I could not figure out.
He was having speech difficulty, he couldn't talk -- but he wanted to tell you he was afraid that he was going to pass and he wanted to tell you that he was going to pass-- but he couldn't find the words. He wanted you to be okay. He was afraid to leave you behind. He didn't know how to say it in words.
He doesn't want you to think of him how he was at the end. Think of him, always, the way he was when you met him.
You are the love of his life. He keeps saying that!
Diane, are you wondering, Diane, thinking about -- moving?
Me: No, not right now, but some people have told me I should.
Should I ask Bob? Ask him what he would want you to do?
I say, okay.
Bob, do think your wife should move from the house?
Well, I know it's your house, Bob, but you have to think about her! It's her house too! Maybe she should move on. Maybe it would be good for her to move on. Maybe there are too many memories there.
He is arguing with me, your husband is a very stubborn man! A very strong guy! He says it's his house and he wants you to stay there. He's very insistent on this.
It's his house and he wants you to stay there!
But he wants you to have friends, to do activities, to enjoy your life. He wants you to be okay, so he can be okay.
But he's there for you, he's with you, he's with you a lot. He's there if you need him. You may not be able to see him right now, but he's there. You are the love of his life, and he will always be there for you.
And he's hurting because he can see you and you cannot see him. He is trying to send you healing and energy. He is trying to help you. He loves you, so much. The love never changes.
When your pain is not so intense, you will see him. You will know he has never left you. And you will see him again. Believe me, you will see him again.
Now he's showing me a window, with lace curtains, curtains you can see through, see the light through. This is in your house, I think, if you sit by the window and think of him, he will try to connect with you there.
As I was typing this, suddenly this video popped onto my computer screen and began playing, without me touching it, without even the play arrow, it just played on its own -- :