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Saturday, November 28, 2015

First Thanksgiving Without Bob

So I survived the first Thanksgiving without him.  Not that Bob and I ever really did much for Thanksgiving, especially after the stroke. Before that, we usually put up our Christmas decorations on Thanksgiving Day and I would make a ham (both of us didn't care for turkey.) After the stroke, he couldn't eat, but I still decorated the Christmas tree.  And we did have each other. And that's what always mattered.

This year, I invited a widow over from the first grief group I attended. She, too, had no plans as her grandchildren were going to be out of town visiting other relatives.

I made shrimp! Call it "Turkey of the Sea". Shrimp sautéed in real butter and minced garlic, and sprinkled with dried red pepper. Served it over alfredo pasta with garlic/cheese bread on the side. She brought wine and we sat on our porch and drank wine and talked about our dead husbands and ghosts and whether or not we believed in the afterlife and other stuff and, actually, we had a very nice day. The weather was beautiful.

I had invited Chris but she ditched out on me at the last minute, going instead to visit her daughter and leaving me to take care of her dogs. As Bob would say, "oh well".  She missed out on a really good meal.

Oh, and chocolate cheesecake for dessert!

And I only cried twice....

Not sure what Christmas will bring. Char (the widow from grief group) will have plans with her grandchildren. Not sure I want to decorate at all for Christmas. Not sure if I'll even send out cards. The x-mas spirit is just not here this year.

One day at a time...

PS: After I posted this, I realized today is the 6 month anniversary of Bob's death.  I have been crying all afternoon... Can't believe six months have already passed, seems like yesterday.


Barb Polan said...

Thanksgiving with shrimp with pasta, and wine on the porch sounds perfect to me. I'm glad you had someone to share it with.

Please take care of yourself during all these holidays, and do what you want, not what you - or others - think you "should."

Hugs, Barb

Barbara Lambert said...

Sounds like a great Thanksgiving . . . and you met the needs of your friend AND yourself. That's lovely.
My best to you as you get through the next few weeks,

Lauda said...

Hi Diane- The darn holidays are always so challenging...One down - two more to go...Christmas and New Years...these will be hard for me too. My mom's cancer has come back all over her body...could this be her last Christmas ....I don't want to know but I will be hyper emotional. Husbands vascular dementia is getting difficult to explain things over and over and he is argumentative....yes this time of year brings it all to the forefront. I keep pretty positive; fortunately I get my reprieve in my little cottage - hubby is in assisted living and I have family around that help me although not necessarily Brad. We do what we can. You are doing good - thank you for sharing your story. Have a calm and easy month of December. If nothing else I hope to put up some lights - they are cheerful.

Anonymous said...

Hi Diane,

Yes, holidays and anniversaries are very difficult to face after the loss of a spouse. This January will mark 3 yrs since the loss of my wife, and each holiday/anniversary/remembrance of a special past event, is still difficult. Thankfully, I have family and church friends to lean on.

Volunteer work at meal sites, and other events help pass the time and add a positive light on the loss. This Thanksgiving day I volunteered my time at a meal site that served 3000+ people. I spent the day cutting and plating pies and cakes. Definitely not a traditional way to celebrate the day, but a great feeling of celebration never the less.

Your Thanksgiving sounds both delicious and very pleasurable. I'm so glad you were able to share with a friend. I hope you consider doing so again with a friend, perhaps on a weekly basis, not just holidays.

As per your previous blog, I agree with others in that you should seriously consider an antidepressant. They do take time to work and as others pointed out, some medication works better than others. I'm guessing you're much like me in the desire to avoid medication, but sometimes for our own good, it's something we need to take. Please seriously consider it.

As always, thoughts, hugs, & prayers.


DebbieL said...

Sounds like you had a nice Thanksgiving, considering everything. I am glad you had someone nice to spend the day with. Sending you big hugs and as you say one day at a time.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to hear this. I kept looking to see if you blogged. New traditions can be lovely. You don't have to go crazy, but perhaps a small amount of things you both enjoyed will make a bright spot.
Mary Ann

Kathleen Schutz said...

Hi Diane

Belated birthday wishes and Turkey day wishes......

Been trying to contact you off and on.... Don't know if you are ignoring me or what

Please join facebook also and let everyone here know you are so they can keep up
with you both ways

Wish there was something I could do to help.... but it takes time.... give yourself a break....No rush to the grief process!

Kathy S from Wisconsin

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your experience. As tomorrow is my first Mother's Day without my mother, I am grateful to have found your blog. I just began a blog retelling my mother's story that ended almost a year ago now. My motivation at first was to help caregivers navigate the system, and now I am reminded by your blog that there is a need to acknowledge the caregiving, the humor, and the person, although altered, that is still very much a living human being. This is the solomn side of life, and I thank you for helping me remember that there are many out there that have walked this path and need to connect.