Getting Back to "Normal"

Had a great long weekend with my dear friend Shirley, her daughter, Nicole, and the two girls, Emma and Jenna, who enjoyed the pool! While we (the adults) sat on the deck with our adult beverages.

Emma and Jenna

Then went to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium and saw Winter, the famous dolphin with the prosthetic tail from the movie "A Dolphin's Tale" and also had a "Behind the Scenes" tour of the rescue group's facility.  Interesting, but a lot of steps, up and down. A lot hallways, a lot of walking.

We also went on a rather bumpy catamaran boat ride in the Gulf.  

All in all a fun visit!

 Now I am exhausted and my nose is rather sunburnt.... add: a week of cleaning getting ready for the visit, preparing "guest cottage" etc. and then mix, all that site seeing, walking, late nights, etc.,  and afterwards, laundry, putting things away, etc..... I am beat: legs hurt, feet hurt and not to mention the sunburnt nose!  Jeepers, must be getting old here.  Spent nearly all of Tuesday sleeping....   

But worth it.  It was so nice to catch up with my friend Shirley, we go back 20 + years.  Nice to have company.  And I know they all enjoyed escaping the cold Wisconsin winter.

And time to "get back to normal" (whatever that is).

This is "Hope" not "Winter", as Hope got closer to us, she is
Winter's companion.  Love that dolphin smile!

Valentine's Memories....

Doesn't seem like so long ago, Feb. 14th, 2015:  We moved into this house, and here is Bob driving up the ramp to our new home, first time, ever.  I remember telling him that his Valentine's Day present this year was a new  house....   Doesn't seem so long ago.....

 Then on Valentine's Day in 2017, these two love birds showed up in our pool:  Doesn't seem that long ago...

Which resulted in:

This year, not much excitement. Been cleaning all week as my friend Shirley and family are coming to visit, arriving tomorrow ....  I am exhausted, can't believe how dirty the house has gotten -- but looking forward to the company.

So, Happy Valentines...  so hard without Bob, or ducks, but keeping busy and looking forward to company does help...  and --

I keep looking for ducks! But none yet....  How time flies, as do ducks....

Breakdown

OK, you all heard about me getting kicked out the writer's group. Since then, 3 people in that group still want to keep in touch with me. One is also writing a memoir about her son's death, so I felt an immediate connection with her. She contacted me and we met on Monday, shared a few chapters, talked, read, critiqued each other and honestly, it was a nice time. So, a new friend and we made another "date" to get back together -- she is a retired doctor (pediatrics) and asked me a lot of medical questions -- and told me that they should have never performed the surgery if they had done certain blood tests on Bob --- as I told her that after the stroke, a hematologist said Bob had "thick" blood, a genetic issue that he had his whole life...  She said they should've checked for that before performing the surgery...

And that bothered me -- because I have often wondered if Bob ever really needed that endarterectomy surgery, because he had a small stroke 2003 and was on a blood thinner, then had hernia repair surgery (for which they took him off the warfarin-- blood thinner) and then he had these TIA's when he was NOT on a blood thinner in recovery after hernia surgery, and they did an ultrasound when he was NOT on a blood thinner and diagnosed him with occluded carotid arteries -- and well, thinking back, was it really "occluded carotid arteries" or just this "genetic thick blood"? and maybe all he really needed was to be on a blood thinner for the rest of his life.... but, I didn't know, nor did Bob, about this genetic thick blood thing until after the BIG stroke in 2010, which happened after the endarterectomy surgery when he was not on a blood thinner and his carotid artery re-blocked that night quite quickly --  and a few weeks later, a hematologist was brought in to check his blood and found this abnormal genetically thick blood...

(Though the damn nurses should have done something when his symptoms appeared, I'm certainly not condoning their actions at all.)

Anyway, I guess I can wonder and wonder, and beat myself up, and think he should've never had that surgery at all --- but nothing changes anything now.

I was driving today, and had to stop at a stoplight on an intersection near our old "Pink House On The Corner" and I could see our former house, a block and a half a way, and it still looks the same, I mean it's still pink, though the new owner put up a (rather ugly) fence. But I could see the old Pink House and I just broke down... and started sobbing. Remembering the "good old days" and when we bought that house and all was well, etc. etc.  And I don't even know how I got home, crying as I was and driving, but I did manage to get home and park in our driveway and sat and cried and cried and cried, and then yelled, "Why did you leave me, Bob?" and yelled at the universe and basically had a major breakdown....

I really wanted to call someone, to talk to someone, but I didn't know who to call, as no one really understands, and no one wants to hear me whine, and sometimes I feel like I don't have a friend in the world...  So I just jumped in the pool and swam laps until I was exhausted....