I had received an e-mail inviting me to this event on Monday and thing was scheduled for Tuesday, 7-9 p.m. and I thought it sounded interesting and at the price of $27.00 I figured it was worth it, even if I just learned a little something new.... the event was described as "Learn how to connect to the Spirt World and communicate with your Guides, Angels and Loved Ones. Experience a powerful healing meditation and watch Jennifer share messages with random participants."
It was an interesting program, a lot of the first hour she talked about how to understand "messages" or "signals" and "signs" from the other side -- though I had to use my iPad as my desktop computer doesn't have a webcam or mike on it, and holding an iPad for two hours was a bit problematic. Then during the "meditation" Kona began snoring, loud, so that kind of broke the spell. She then did do three random readings, and of course, once again, Bob didn't show up, but while she winding the conference down she ended with a Q & A session and invited us to type in any questions and I did.
I tell you, my fingers hovered over the keyboard and I hesitated for a moment not wanting to sound like an idiot... but something had been bothering me which was when I attended a "physic/healing fair" awhile back I had a so-called medium tell me that I was "holding Bob back" from "entering the light" and he needed my "forgiveness" so he could move forward, which at the time I thought was a bunch of baloney, but it still bothered me.
So I asked my question, phrasing it "can you still connect with a loved one after they "have gone into the light"?
And the medium saw my question, and pretty much went on a diatribe about how there is only the incarnate and discarnate, one is in the physical and the other in the light, and that "yes, yes, yes!" you can connect with loved ones in the "light". Then she asked me why I was asking this particular question.
I told her what the medium told me.
She said it was "crap" and to not believe a word of it, said that though she didn't like to defame other mediums, this medium was dead wrong and made her so mad she wanted to curse. And then she said that even though she was not planning to do another reading tonight, she felt she needed to do this because she felt his spirit standing here. And she began a short reading for me, which some of the highlights are below:
"I feel you were the love of his life. And he was sick. Right? And you were his caregiver?"
"I feel he was good man and many people loved him."
"I feel something 'churchy' around him, but I'm not sure if he grew up around the church, or if he was one of those people who treat others as he would want to be treated and I feel with his illness he lost some side of his personality and he wants to apologize for that."
"And he says, "You aways made me more comfortable"
"And he shows me, I know this sounds crazy, but shows something like putting his feet up somehow, and always checking in on him and he says, 'I couldn't talk as much as I used too but I want you to know that I love you from here and from heaven and we will be together again."
"And he shows me an anniversary just passed? recently?"
"He tells me, that you wanted to go with him when he died, but he says, 'it's not your time'."
"And he tells me about your beautiful smile and your smile always lit up his side of the room and he says, 'I'd love it if you would smile more.'"
"And he shows me you still have his pillow, right? Well, you keep hanging onto that."
"He says you still talk to him every day, you keep talking to him and now be open to receiving signals from him."
"I feel like your husband has you surrounded with birds." (I tell her about the ducks.)
"Be aware that he connects through birds, but not just the ducks, because I also see other birds and I'm wondering if you can get a bird feeder or something so that you can open that door for him to have a bird come to you and stare at you through the window. But the ducks are perfect, and were also an important sign from him."
"I want to you feel relief that you are not causing him any harm or keeping him back from anything."
Like I said those were just the highlights and the reading was very short, as it was at the end of webinar and so she did it quickly and I wish I had more time to ask questions, but there was no more time -- and before anyone says, "yeah right, a lot of that could apply to anyone" let me just comment on a few coincidences:
She was "dead on" about the fact that Bob was "sick" though I don't like that word so much and that I was his caregiver. She was right about an anniversary just passed, that would be Bob's death anniversary less than a month ago. She was also right about he "couldn't talk as much as he used too" because of his aphasia. She was also right about the fact that I do still "talk" to Bob every day. And that I wanted to die after he passed, wished everyday to just not wake up and be with him.
The phrase "You were the love of my life" is a phrase Bob used to use, a lot, especially when his family treated me poorly and he used say, "I finally found the love of my life and they treat you this!" And "Don't they understand that you are the love of my life and I am finally happy."
Also the phrase about my smile, he always told me I had a "beautiful smile" and that was one of the first things that attracted him to me. He used to say "when you smile, the whole room lights up."
The "putting his feet up somehow" I think is a reference to the constant "boosting" I would do so many times daily when Bob would slip down in his medical bed and his feet would touch the footboard and at that point he would request a "boost" meaning boosting him up on the bed so his feet weren't touching footboard.
And weirdly, that very morning, while I was walking Kona, we walked by a house, that we've walked by many times before, which has a bird feeder in the front yard, and usually there are sparrows and blue jays and such but that morning I heard a loud pecking sound and stopped and looked and saw four or five wild parrots feeding on the bird feeder which made me think of Bob, the bird feeder we once had that he built and how much he loved birds and I actually thought, wow, that's so cool, maybe I should get a bird feeder. I actually had that thought that very morning.
And also that morning, I had stripped the bed and washed all the sheets and blankets etc. and when I was putting the pillowcases on the pillows I remember thinking which pillow used to be Bob's pillow? I know one of them was "his" when we did sleep in the same bed before his stroke, but since they are the same brand, I'm not sure which one was "his" and which one was "mine".....
And the other thing that struck me, was the phrase she used "his side of the room" because how would she know that we had two beds across from each other in one big room?
And another thing, long ago, before the stroke, when Bob was well, we were talking about death and what to do if one of us died before the other and Bob had said he would send me "a little bird" that would "perch" upon our porch railing and that would be a sign from him.
OK, call me crazy, but I think she tapped in on him. And he is still with me. And I should probably get a bird feeder........
PS: After I wrote this, I decided to look for some pictures. Below are pictures of "our birds" and the bird feeder we used to have, we had doves eating out of our hands, literally and I can see why Bob would "connect through birds" in spirit:
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| We called this white dove "Oscar". |
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| Bob with rock doves. |
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| The bird feeder Bob built, those are ringed neck turtle doves. |
