Strange Days

Once again, I hate to say I've neglected my blog but July has been a freakish, stressful and busy month for me...

Including: my computer being "hacked" again. A "creditor" calling repeatedly telling me I owe $14,000 on a VISA Gold card (which I never had such a card), and an unauthorized credit on my real card -- after which the bank cancelled my only credit card and I had to wait for a new one to arrive. And the pool water features not working properly.... another service call from them.

Add to that, some stranger knocking on my door after dark and scaring the heck out of me and this happened more than once ... to the point I was crawling on the floor trying to peek out of the windows to see who was out there. And afterwards, bought and installed a security chain on my front door and motion detector lights for the front porch, and began locking my front and back gates every night. I tell you I was scared, even thinking about getting a gun, only to later talk with a neighbor who had the same experience and turns out it was some "young woman" collecting "donations to save the honeybees" -- though she only would accept "cash".... Phew! I had thought I was being targeted by someone...  Sometimes it's scary living alone.... especially at night and the weather hasn't helped, a lot of loud thunderstorms rocking the house and leaving me curled up with the dog on the couch for comfort.

Of course, the locked gate one morning caused me to miss the delivery of my new credit card.

I also had a few meetings with our bank and had to make some financial decisions, a very unnerving process, which left me afterwards in tears because, the financial advisor said something to the affect of "In a perfect world, what would you invest in?" And all I could think was "in a perfect world, Bob would still be alive and I would not be sitting here." And I know that sounds idiotic, but I managed to keep it together until I got home when I had a real breakdown, a real wailing, sobbing loud breakdown, because where are you Bob, damn it, I need you.

Also went through some things to donate to a charity yard sale for a local animal rescue, and as I was digging through closets and boxes, kept running to Bob's stuff, which brought back so many memories and thoughts of plans unfilled, art sketchbooks never used, and etc. etc.... damn.  His closet still filled with his clothes, though I didn't touch any of that stuff yet....

This morning I'm waiting for a fellow to come and pick up some boxes for the sale...

My stress level has been through the roof, I tell you. I find myself doing things like misplacing items, and wondering why I walked into a room -- and twice parked my car, got out and forgot to turn the engine off!  Duh... My therapist is suggesting hypnosis ---- Not sure about that... would love to hear from anyone who tried hypnosis for anxiety/stress and/or grief.

On a lighter note:  I've had a few nice lunch dates with women friends, saw a play and dinner after, went to one "relaxation yoga" class and may go back for another -- the class left me with a sore back, but I might try it again, knowing now what to expect...

And I got a bird feeder and seed and first only attracted acrobatic squirrels and some feisty nocturnal rats -- but am finally seeing birds... especially one red cardinal who comes by at night....

Today, I'm been feeling nauseous and nervous and not sure if it's just stress or some bug.... and I hear thunder in the distance, was hoping that by writing, it would calm me down, but whatever....

Being Creative

I'm very proud of my own "invention" -- taking this antique candy dispenser and figuring it out how to make it into a dog treat dispenser -- it took a bit of screwing around (literally with a screwdriver) but finally got it going --- it works!

Bob bought this "Acorn All Purpose Vending" dispenser years ago and it just sat around as "decor" and I finally put it use --

Only problem is Kona now has to "earn" a penny to dispense her mini-milkbone treats! ha!