FUNCTIONAL

I tell you, I am so sick and tired of this word: FUNCTIONAL. I am so fed-up with FUNCTIONAL that I really just want to scream.

OK, allow me to scream for a moment. 

GAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

OK, I got it out of my system. Sort of.

The first time I heard that word used about/against Bob was in PT Outpatient Rehab at the time of his discharge, i.e. 'No Functional Improvement' and I said, huh? He is improving. But the therapist said, "It's not FUNCTIONAL improvement". So I say, but he came here unable to stand, and now he's standing. And he came here unable to walk, and now he's walking on the parallel bars.... The PT interrupts me and says, but that is not FUNCTIONAL. You don't have parallel bars all over the place to hang onto so therefore he cannot FUNCTION in normal life.....

OK, I get it.  I don't like it, but I get it. We'll work on that....

Yesterday, the Speech Therapist comes in and tells me that Bob's speech is FUNCTIONAL.

Meaning he can ask for what he wants, i.e. point to the ceiling fan, say turn it up or down. Point to the radio, say turn it off or on. Tell me if he needs to pee or poop. Tell me if he wants water. And that is FUNCTIONAL. 

So therefore, he is doing GOOD!!! And therefore he doesn't really need Speech Therapy, so she'll work on the swallowing instead.....

And I am thinking, what? So I say: But what about being able to have a conversation? What about being able to express his feelings or thoughts or talk about, I don't know, the weather? politics? the neighbors latest antics?  

Oh no, ST tells me. That's too complex. THAT'S TOO COMPLEX.  She says that's too complicated. She says I'm asking for TOO MUCH. 

And I should be grateful that Bob is, speech-wise, FUNCTIONAL.

OK, I guess I should be flattered, because I must be a darn good speech therapist. Because back at Outpatient Rehab that ST told me Bob would never be FUNCTIONAL in his speech and that his prognosis was poor. And he should learn to make gestures and point at pictures instead of speaking....

So now he's FUNCTIONAL. And that's it. I'm supposed to be happy about this?

OK, I did tell the ST a thing or two after this discussion. I showed her what Bob and I have been working on, asked her specifically for tools i.e. Level 2 guides in Increasing Length and Complexity of Sentences (I have Level 1) and some other stuff. And she did say she would look into it, but still she thought it was "too complex" for Bob.

And I told her I didn't care if it was "too complex".  I wanted to work on it with him, anyway.

And right before she left, she suggested if I wanted to continue working on Bob's speech, I should work on making it MORE FUNCTIONAL.

So I asked her what she meant. And she demonstrated it this way:

She said to Bob, "OK, pretend we are in the bank and you want to cash a check. So you go to the teller and what do you say?"

And Bob pointed his finger at her, like a gun, and said, "Robbery!" 

Well, that's FUNCTIONAL, I guess. ha!

I'm giving this ST one more chance and if she doesn't come in on Wednesday (Bob's next appt.) with something helpful, I'm calling the agency and requesting a different therapist. Because, this is just crazy.

At least, that's what I think.....