A Lesson Learned

Those of you who follow this blog know that I am not immune to the occasional pity party. So I guess these past couple of weeks should be a lesson to me... because when you think you've got it hard, just let it get a little worse--so you know how good you had it.

I tell you, being car-less sucks. There's no other way to say it. And it's been over 2 weeks and The Green Machine is still at Bubba's garage. The Dodge Charger radiator arrived but could not be reconfigured to fit and so a new hunt went on for another radiator and Bubba managed to track one down in California. So we're waiting for that to arrive. Meanwhile, Bubba had to take out the engine because when he tried to put the new water pump in, the timing cover (?) shattered and now that has to be replaced. When he took out the engine he found the freeze plugs were disintegrating, so those have to be replaced. Also something in the ignition needs a new part along with new belts, a new timing chain, new oil pan and on and on. And there goes my little emergency "nest egg" for what it was worth.

But I'll count blessings, because at least I have a car! And it's coming home, one of these days. How I long to see that somewhat shabby chic, rusted hunk of retro green metal with the powerful engine dripping oil on the driveway again! I love you, Green Machine (even if your speedometer/gas gauge/air conditioning doesn't work--at least the radio does)! Come home soon!!

Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I see them, daily, walking past the Pink House, going on their beer/cigs/milk/bread runs to the corner convenience store. We live in what they call a "walkable city", ha! Because you may be able to walk there, but it's not so easy when you're lugging groceries, drenched with sweat, walking back home. And you can't carry that much, so you have to keep going back and doing it again. The nearest grocery is seven blocks away. The pharmacy is eight blocks. The library (where I get DVDs for Bob) is about a mile.  My legs and feet are killing me. And I think my arms may be an inch longer....

And all this hiking takes up my "me time", i.e. my daily hour or two in the a.m. when I can blog, answer e-mails, surf a few internet sites I like, read, walk the dog. You wouldn't believe how much I miss this. Or how my stress level has skyrocketed. Or how I can't seem to sleep at night...

On top of all of this, Bob's pain levels have gone through the roof. Pain in his paralyzed arm. His neck. His back. And alas, my usual happy camper is grumpy and fussy and hard to deal with. But worse, his head is dropping again and I am scared to death this may mean that CIDP is rearing its ugly head...

Bob is scheduled for facet injections for the neck pain next Friday. A worrisome procedure as they have to do it in day surgery under anesthesia. He hasn't had anesthesia since pre-stroke and with his now post-stroke swallowing issues it's a complicated and possibly dangerous procedure.... (If you are inclined to pray, send up a quick one for Bob that all goes well with this procedure next Friday--me, I'm going to be a nervous wreck until it's finished.)

And then back to the neuro doc, on May 4th, to check out what's causing Bob's Head Drop Syndrome (and pray it's not CIDP) and talk about Botox injections in that arm.

Lord, I miss those good ol' days when all I had to do was get up, disconnect the feeding pump, crush the meds and syringe them into Bob's feed tube, walk the dog, change the diapers, fold the laundry, do the dishes, tidy up the house, dash to the store in the car if necessary, have an hour to blog/read/etc., bathe Bob, get him dressed, transferred to the wheelchair, strip the bed sheets, make the bed, start a new load of laundry, transfer Bob back into bed, crush more meds and syringe them in again, spend all afternoon helping a happy, pain-free and motivated Bob exercise and do his therapy and walking practice until supper time (more meds) and set up the night feeding pump and watch a movie....

Aaaah. Doesn't that sounds like heaven, right now?