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Sunday, December 23, 2012

The Plumber and The Bowel Movement, A (sort of) Christmas Story


'Twas the week before Christmas
I stepped through the bathroom door
And saw the toilet was leaking
All over the floor.

So I flew to the kitchen
And grabbed the phone book
And called up a plumber
To come take a look.

The plumber arrived,
He was no jolly elf,
He plunked down his tool box
On top of my shelf.

He got down on his knees
Right there on the floor
And examined the toilet
For five minutes or more.

"Ah ha!" He exclaimed,
"This thing-a-bob is busted!
These gaskets are cracked!
And the screws are all rusted!"

"And this little gizmo
It needs some tweaking
If I fix all of that
It will surely stop leaking."

"The good news," he said,
"I can fix it in a flash,
The bad news: it will cost you
Three hundred cash."

Jeepers, oh lordy,
Good grief and oh my!
But I told him to fix it,
Though I thought I might cry.

Then from the other room,
I heard a big clatter,
And went over to Bob
To see what was the matter.

 And there to my horror,
Quite literally, Oh shit!
I grabbed my latex gloves
And my clean-up-Bob kit.

Now this was embarrassing
With a plumber in the house.
So I cleaned him up quietly
As quiet as a mouse.

Then from the hallway,
I heard the bathroom door close,
And when the plumber came out
He was holding his nose.

I stood there before him
in all my poop-smeared glory
I'm sure that the scene
was really quite gory.

He said, "I don't know how you do it,
I don't think I could.
My wife couldn't do it,
Though I hope that she would."
  
Then I scooped up the mess,
And took it out to the trash
The plumber handed me an invoice
That read: 250 cash.

I thanked him that dear plumber,
I thanked him again
And got out my checkbook
And picked up my pen

Then he said, "What the heck,
It’s the Holiday Season,
Make out that check
For 200 even."

So I started to write,
But he stopped me again,
And said, "Just give me 150"
And I put down my pen.

And hugged that dear plumber
I hugged him profusely,
I hugged him real tightly
Then I hugged him quite loosely

He got into this truck
And as he drove away
And I heard him proclaim
“Have a Happy Holiday!”

So if you need plumber
But the price needs improvement
Just invite Bob over
To have a bowel movement.

The End



That, my friends, is a true story.

Merry Christmas from all of us at The Pink House on the Corner!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Loved your Christmas story in poetry. You did really good. I too about fell out of my chair when you said $300 just to replace the seal at the base of the stool. I thought that was robbery in the 1st degree. Was really happy to see he dropped the price to $150. Nothing like a little Christmas spirit coming out when he realized the hardship you are in.

I hope you can have a very Merry Christmas and an improved new year.

Hugs, Dan

J.L. Murphey said...

Loved it! Merry Christmas Diane and Bob.

Susan said...

Remember the old saying....

"Shit doesn't just happen. There's always a reason for it"

Perfect timing Bob!

Hope you had a few good moments on Christmas.....for me, I'm glad that it's over.

Anonymous said...

Loved your story of plumbert and bowel movement. Its goes in a rhyming way from start to end.

Freddy said...

Nice posting thanks for sharing.

Sally said...

Great story!!! It made my day with a good laugh. Good timing Bob.

hams john said...

Hope you had a few good moments on Christmas.....for me, I'm glad that it's over. Bob Plumbing World

Muhammad Amir said...

Was really happy to see he dropped the price to $150.rollandreashplumbing.net Nothing like a little Christmas spirit coming out when he realized the hardship you are in.