Birthday Blues

So Sunday was my 55th birthday -- yup, I hit that over 55 mark, and had to do it without Bob's love and support (at least not here, in the visible world).

I did ask Bob for a birthday sign that morning....

And an hour later a huge tree branch (and I mean HUGE) suddenly crashed to the ground from one of the trees in our back yard.  The thing was at least 20 feet long and scared the living the daylights out of me (I was sitting on the porch, reading, with Kona just a few feet away).  Luckily, no one was hurt, no damage done.

(Did get a tree guy out here yesterday, who said that squirrels are gnawing on the bark, weakening limbs --- )

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day quietly, talking on the phone first to a friend from up north who thank goodness called, then my mom and dad (who call every day), and then watched the movie The Dead Poet's Society (always one of my favorites) and cried...  a lot... and was alone and feeling so very lonely ---

Then around supper time, I called Chris and asked if she and her dogs would join Kona and I for a "pizza party" on the back porch. Which we did.  I ordered pizzas. Everyone got their own plates -- including dogs -- (though Ripley stayed inside with his). Kona growled a lot.  She doesn't seem to take well to other dogs invading "her territory"....

Then later that night, I was talking on the phone to another friend (the second who called) with birthday wishes, when one of the brass posts on our antique brass bed crashed to the ground without warning or reason....

And I'm thinking, OK, Bob, you can stop now!

So, I got through the day.  Managed to stay alive... which is saying something, but basically it sucked as far as birthdays go -- then what do I expect? I miss him so very much... and nothing will ever be the same or as good --- again... and I do wonder why I even continue to breathe ...

One day at a time....