Open Caregiving

It always amazes me how people "come across" my blog. Folks googling things like "caregiver stress" and I pop up! Or "how to wash hair in a wheelchair?" and there I am!

Recently I was contacted by Ben, who has a blog called "Open Caregiving", who also stumbled upon my blog and he asked me if I'd share my caregiving story with his readers. When I said I'd be glad to help, he sent me several questions to answer for my "story".

So I answered his questions and submitted my article.

You can read it here: https://www.opencaregiving.com/stories/you-can-do-it-all-you-need-is-love

I must say it was hard to revisit those caregiving days, I was nearly in tears when I finished writing that article. But if it helps or inspires anyone, it's well worth it.

I also must say it does my heart good, after he read the article and wrote "What an inspiring and heartfelt story to read. It is an amazing honor to read the personal story of a great writer like yourself..."   He also chose the title. Which is sweet.

Ben's site is called Open Caregiving and you can find other caregiver's stories at https://www.opencaregiving.com

One Fine Day

I have books piled all over the house and a bad habit of buying books, starting to read them, never finishing one before starting another. When I went to the dentist last month, I knew I'd be sitting in my car waiting to be called in, so I grabbed a book off a pile titled "Soul Sensing", which I thought was one of those "your soul plan" type books, but once I was in the parking lot waiting, I picked up the book only to read the subtitle which is "How to Communicate with Your Dead Loved Ones." Oh.

I opened the book to where I had bookmarked it and began reading. The author was talking about how our loved ones send signs from the other side, but we often don't recognize them. Or believe it's them. She had an "exercise" in which said you can call on your dead loved ones and ask for a sign. She warned when you do this, use the person's name, as you don't want invite some other spirit into this realm.

I've been feeling quite lonely and decided to try this out. So one day, I was getting ready to go for a swim and I asked Bob, by name, to please give me a sign so that I would know he's still with me.

As I stepped into the pool, the first thing I saw was a dead frog. This isn't unusual. I often get these little brown frogs in my pool which I try to scoop up and let them go in the garden. But this one was quite dead, floating upside down, legs spread out. Poor thing. I didn't really want to swim with a dead frog, so I scooped it out and the minute I pulled his lifeless body out of the water, he flipped over and looked me square in the eye. He was alive! Then he jumped off my hand, and began hopping the wrong direction, toward the house and I said, "Hey, you're going the wrong way!" And believe me, I'm not lying, but that frog turned around, came back to me and jumped into my hand. I carried him to the garden and he hopped off onto a leaf. Now that was pretty strange, but a "sign"?

I went ahead with my swim and at one point, as I came up from a deep underwater dive, I heard all the wind chimes on the deck chiming. All of them. Now it takes a strong wind to get them all going at once as some are pretty heavy and others, far back. I stopped, listened and watched all the chimes swaying, but I felt no breeze at all. Then I noticed there was no wind in the tree branches above me. And the chimes on garage were not moving. Then the chimes suddenly stopped. Weird. But was that a "sign"?

After my swim, I decided to linger on the edge of the pool and do some deep breathing meditation, asking Bob again for a sign. I closed my eyes and counted my breaths for a while. When I opened my eyes, there was a strange tiny sea shell swirling by my feet, about the size of a nail head. Really strange. In fact, until I picked it up I thought it was a bug, looked like a small eyeball (white round thing with a dark round center) but as I examined it I realized it was a snail shell. I've had many frogs and one snake (aack!) but never a snail in my pool. As I was examining it, trying to figure out if it was a snail or just an empty shell, two more shells began swirling around my feet. So I scooped those up, examined them, one looked like there might be a creature inside it, so I carried the three shells and laid them in the garden. Was this a sign?

When I went to put my cover-up on, something landed on my bare shoulder. I looked down and saw a ladybug, which I tried to flick gently off with my finger. The ladybug wouldn't move. I tried again and it landed on my finger. So I took that, too, to the garden where it flew onto the leaf that the frog hand leapt on (but by now disappeared.) Was the ladybug a sign?

Once in the house, I took my after swim shower and when I got out of the shower, dressed, the radio started playing "our song". You know the one by Modern English: "I'll Stop The World and Melt with You", it's the one I have the video of Bob & me dancing to. Now, that was a sign.

I tell you, I danced down the hallway, twirling to that song, nearly twirled myself into the wall. Because, after all, Bob certainly followed through with enough signs to assure me that he still visits me. 

Later that night, I checked my e-mail to find a "Order Confirmation" from e-bay and thought, what? I didn't order anything on e-bay. Checked my e-bay account and sure enough there was an order for the original 1912 edition of The Sinking of the Titanic, a book I used to own and sold at our antique shop and regretted it. I didn't remember buying this, but e-bay says I did and I checked the invoice and it was ordered at 5:00 p.m. an odd time, as I'm usually walking the dog and getting supper ready, not buying things on line. Plus I vowed to keep expenses down and not buy anything unnecessary this month because of all the house repairs I've been dealing with.... Was that you, Bob? Or am I having black-outs? Thank goodness the book was only $38.00.

That night, I woke up around midnight to the sound of the click clack of Kona walking down the hallway, you know the noise a dog makes, toe nails on hardwood floors. I sat up wondering why Kona was up and wandering around, but was surprised to see Kona sound asleep next to me. The sound of the paws of the "dog" in the hallway disappeared into the dining room and stopped. Perhaps a little visit from Boomer? Or --?

OK, call me crazy. But I am smiling. Just saying....

Overwhelmed: Take 2

 I know this blog has been quiet, especially since faithful readers have been contacting me asking if I'm okay.... sorry about that, thank you for your concern. I am okay, just been tired, overwhelmed and stressed. Seems lately everything is falling apart. Add computer glitches to that!

For starts, the termites are back with a vengeance: eating not only the french doors, but now munching the front door, a couple of windows and even the floor. So had to get the termite guy back for a retreatment and a total inspection of the house. Thank goodness for the warranty.

Then the sprinkler system died and I had to have the thing totally redone to the tune of $1,100.00...

And the refrigerator ice maker, which has been making death rattles for the past few months, finally croaked. Had to replace that. Another $400 or so. After it was installed, I kept thinking it wasn't working, as I didn't hear it working, though there was some ice in the tray. One night, I decided that the only way to find out for sure was to empty the tray before bedtime and if it is working, there should be ice in the morning. Morning comes: no ice. Call the guy back who diagnoses a broken valve, checks his truck for the part, doesn't have it. Calls his office, they don't have one. Checks local supply companies and finds the nearest valve in North Carolina. This is on a Thursday and it won't be delivered until next Wednesday.... so I get out the 5-day large cooler that Bob and I bought years ago for hurricane season, run to the store (wearing a mask), buy a few bags of ice, fill the cooler only to find the next day my floor flooded as the rubber stopper is broken. Have to mop up that mess, soaked rugs, etc. Go to Walmart, buy a 7-day cooler, when I pick it up, it's heavier than the old one but I figure that's because it's stronger, think I can handle it, take it out to my car, lose my car in the parking lot (duh) find car, have a hell of time getting the cooler in the car, then stop for ice on my way home, lug the new cooler into the house thinking I've made a mistake (this is a two person job) but handle it, fill it up only to find (false advertisement that "retains ice for 7 days" sticker) because two days later I have a cooler half filled with water and half clumped together ice. Have to scoop out ice and dump by handfuls into bathtub, then lift the heavy cooler, teetering in on rim of the tub, to open the valve and let the water out. Dry it off, back to Walmart to get a refund, buy a different cooler (5 day) on wheels, easier for me handle, stop again at the store, buy more ice, come home only to find a message that the part for the refrigerator is in and they can put it in that afternoon.

And Kona has another ear infection, first I tried a homeopathic vinegar treatment but that didn't work and she is now on a medication for four weeks so she can't go in the pool, this just after I got her over her pool fear. The pet pharmacy screwed up the order: my vet ordered eight doses but when the pharmacy called me for payment they said it was 12 doses, I said it's supposed eight so the guy on the phone checks with the pharmacist, says I'm right, it is eight. I pay for it and two days later get 4 doses instead of 8..... Did get it all rectified but a hassle to deal with.

Then I'm biting into a piece of chocolate, the one little pleasure I allow myself as I'm trying to diet, one piece of chocolate a day. I bit down heard a crunch, pulled it out of my mouth, horrified I found a human tooth in it. Turns out to be mine. Had to make an emergency appointment to see the dentist. This happens on a Friday and can't get in until Tuesday, so a long painful four days and recovery afterwards and more money out the door...

Back in Feb. or so, I had noticed a black wet stain under my coffee maker which unknown to me had been leaking. We have wood countertops. I got a new coffee maker and tried to scrub out the strain the best I could and let it dry out figuring no one will see it under the coffee maker and one day I'll have the whole countertop sanded and refinished. To my horror, in July, I walk into the kitchen to see that the countertop has buckled (warped) up more than inch and a gap is spreading between the countertop sections, not to mention everything is crooked and doors on cabinets not closing properly. I did put some weights on the warped part (read this on a DIY site) but that didn't work, so I'm going to have to get a carpenter over here to fix it... still working on that... a guy coming (hopefully) tomorrow to take a look... 

Meanwhile, I find out I can't legally quote from depositions for my memoir as the Defendant didn't file them with the circuit court and even though I have copies of them, can't use them as they are not "public record".  I spent a couple of days looking through court records online, finding only "motions to dismiss", "motions to depose", motions to do everything but no depositions on file. This really screwed up my manuscript as I was using quotes throughout, and at Chapter 24 and nearly done, now I have to totally rewrite/rethink... so my book has come to a screeching halt.

Add this whole pandemic thing that has everyone stressed out, including me, a person already prone to anxiety attacks. Going to the store has become a sort of nightmare. I'm feeling lonely, isolated, stressed, tired all the time, trouble sleeping, nightmares, missing Bob, etc.

I won't even mention the squirrel that fell from the sky and nearly clobbered me on the head. Oops, I just did. I was walking Kona, crossing the street, and I hear this whizz, then BANG, then crack! right behind me, turn to see a poor squirrel lying on it's back, one little paw twitching ever so slightly. I am horrified, start to walk away, but turn back, mind spinning: i.e. is he dead? or just injured? and if so, I shouldn't leave him in the street where he (or she) could be run over by a car, but then how to get him/her home and then what? Stop myself, figure Step 1: see if he/she is alive. Take a few steps toward it. The squirrel lifts its head and looks at me, then creeps, pulling itself to the curb, manages to get up the curb and falls on the grass. I think, OMG, it's broken a leg or something. So I take a few steps toward it and it sees me and Kona, springs to life and dashes up the nearest tree. A Lazarus Squirrel! I tell you, it scared me half to death, but I scared it back to life.

There's more, but this post is already too long...

Now I'm going to cross my fingers, push the "publish" button and hope this will post!

What the ---??

 I just spent 45 minutes typing up a new post and when I hit the "publish" button, all that showed up was the title, below!!!!!!   AAAARGH!!!!!  And I can't seem to retrieve a word I wrote... damn

Overwhelmed....