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Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Life as is should be:

This week -- chaos, no nothing major just a bunch of stuff building up--

leaking roof, contractor's who don't return calls,
pool problems,
ice maker not working in the fridge,
computer problems,
paint pealing off the house, jeepers just was painted two years ago --
Bob's cremation broach falls off -- damaged -- trips to jewelers --  still not fixed

Then some damn credit collection agency threatening to sue me, calls to lawyers, talk about being taken to court... for what? bills already paid off, I know it (at least, I think they should have been paid off) -- doesn't make any sense...  but... my lawyer thinks some "bookkeeping error" ---

and I feel so damn lonely.... all alone...  like no one really cares...

I'm trying to deal with all this --

And then -- here is The Talented Mr. Ripley in his "cat tree",  not a care in the world:


Damn! I wish I was a cat!!! That's how life should be...


Friday, October 12, 2018

Survived the Storm

And thank god, it didn't land near us -- the devastation is terrible north of here. We just had some street flooding, some downed trees, beach erosion and beach town flooding, flooding in flood zones, but OK here at the Pink House where I made sure we were not in a flood zone when we bought the house..

Though was a stressful and uneasy time -- especially the "squalls" -- bands of quick thunderstorms, that kept coming and coming.  I took Kona out for walk between squalls, hoping to "stay dry" long enough to poop and pee -- and low and behold, coming back home, a loose German Shepherd.

And not a nice dog. I know this dog. Belongs to a neighbor.  The kind of dog that slams into the fence when you walk by their house.. Psycho shepard.  anyway...

There it is -- outside -- in the alley.  Staring at us.

And I'm like, oh shit. So I quickly put Kona in a "sit/stay" cause I know the last thing you want to do is run, cause that dog will give chase. And I don't want Kona, pulling or reacting, so I say "Sit/Stay!" and she's a good dog, sits at my leg as I'm sizing up the situation --- this big Shepard staring us down (where are the owners?, etc.) and suddenly, that dog came at us like a bullet --

charging --- barking --- growling -- full speed

we are about 20 feet away

and I yell "NOOOOOO!!" not scream, as in terrified, but using what my dog trainer called "Sargent's Voice" and I call it "My Dog Mom Voice", so strong authority "NOOOO!"

And I tell you, that dog skidded to a stop, with a look of shock on it's face, skidded on it's front forearms (forelegs?) to a stop about 6 inches from us, still growling and snapping but stopped and Kona, bless her soul, just sat there in her "sit/stay".

Good training on my part? or perhaps Kona was scared shitless -- I don't know, but next I know the owners of the Shepard are running out and yelling at the dog, and the dog takes off across the street.

Then a bunch of apologies from the owners, and they did ask if we were "OK" and I did check Kona over no bites or scratches -- everything happened so fast, but Kona Ok but damn, near well gave me a heart attack.

So survived both the storm and the neighbor's dog...


Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Waiting for Bad Weather

With Hurricane Michael moving up the Gulf, the news has been inundated with constant updates, warning, watches, and the whole thing is rather nerve wracking.

Thankfully, we are not in "The Cone of Doom" (which is what Bob used to call it) but we are on the outskirts, under a Tropical Storm Watch, and are expecting strong wind gusts, "squalls" i.e. bands of heavy rain and possible flooding with a predicted 2-4 feet storm surge...

Already seeing that grayish-green haze in the sky that comes before a big storm..

I am uneasy.

I should be okay, though, as we are on higher/drier ground, and not so close to the water -- though there are warnings to "stay off the roads" in town and so I went shopping for some necessities (dog food/cat food/vodka ha!) and cancelled appointments this week and plan to stay home.

I am thankful this storm is not heading directly at us, but there are always worries that the storm can "wobble" and unexpectedly "change direction" as some hurricanes (i.e. Charley) have in the past.

Scary, being alone, when the weather turns bad. Scary, the waiting, and "see what happens" and constant turning on the news for latest updates.

My heart goes out to all those who are boarding up, evacuating, not that far north of us...

Can't wait until this Hurricane Season is over.


Friday, October 5, 2018

Poor Kona....

Another ear infection, after I thought we'd gotten rid of them (a chronic problem ever since I got her) -- and she was free and clear for nearly six months -- a dream come true -- but it's back, grrrrr....

Now she has "ear packing"in her ears and can't go swimming for a month...

So this is the face I see every day after I get out of the pool....

She's breaking my heart...

Sorry Kona, doctor's orders....

And, this was also my first attempt (well successful attempt) taking a pic with my iPad (after many shots of the ceiling fan, floor etc. ha!)   -- looks artsy, though, huh?


Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Conversation with a Clairvoyant

I was planning on going to a psychic fair with a friend about a week ago, but she backed out at the last minute and I really didn't feel like going alone... but I noticed a certain Clairvoyant's name that I recognized and heard was good, and she was taking appointments on the following Monday and I decided to call and set an appointment and go on my own (with Kona).

It was 30 minute session and interesting, to say the least, and hard to cover all aspects, but here are some "highlights" that she told me:

Bob visits me daily, in the morning while I pour my first cup of coffee (he stands by my left side) and every evening when I go to bed, he sits on "his side" of the bed and sends me calming energy to help me sleep.

Bob sends me cardinals (red ones, not the brown ones) and she asked if I have been seeing red cardinals -- which I affirmed and then told her that the squirrels were eating all their food so I don't see them as often as I did.

She told me that I have "two squirrels living in my front yard" (which is true) and these squirrels are  "elderly gentlemen friends" who "decided to reincarnate together as squirrels" and I'm thinking "gentlemen friends" seems like an old fashion term for a gay couple  --  and that Bob says to keep feeding them, because they are happy there ...  she also told me Bob also sends yellow butterflies, but only the pure yellow ones, with no black on them... and yes, I have seen yellow butterflies in my backyard.

Also she said that she "sees" pages and pages, flipping pages, of typewritten text and asks me if Bob was a writer... I tell her no, that I am the writer, and she tells me Bob wants me to concentrate on my work, not his work, as my work is "more important" and although he wants to be remembered for his artwork, the priority right now is my writing.

She also told me that Bob sent me Kona, in that he orchestrated the connections and circumstances, and guided me to her as both of us (Kona & I) needed to be "rescued". Then she (the medium) looked at me, incredulous, and asked if Kona was a "rescue"? Which she is.

Also that Kona and Bob are "connected" and Kona sees him in the house, especially in the kitchen and bedroom... and asked me if Kona looks up as if watching something or barks at nothing, and yes she does this -- often freaking me out.

Then she tells me that my grandmother has a message for me, even though "you were not close in life" (true) and grandma tells me that I come from a long line of "strong women" who when they fall down, pick themselves up. She shows a long list of my accomplishments I've done in my lifetime and I should not forget these things I did for other people, causes, etc. and it's time to "be strong" for myself instead of others.  She also told me I needed to (more or less) stop procrastinating and get back to work! That writing was my "gift", my "purpose in this life" and I should not squander it, as I am a "talented writer who inspires people" but I need a "deadline" and needed this book launched by April 11th.

Whoa...

She also told me that the spirit world will set things in motion once my book is out there, but she sees more than one book, she sees three books at least.... And there will be a younger woman who will help me editing/etc. to get published and also someone with the first name of Gail and last name starting with G. is going to help me with publicity after publication and this book is going to be a success.  I also need to pay attention to "the dedication page" of the book as this dedication will prompt people to buy the book. And she sees media interviews, and articles and the book going "international"....

Oh my, that sounds too good to be true...

And grandma interrupts to tell me to give the part of the proceeds to charity that will help "people with disabilities like Bob had here on earth".  Which, by the way, I was already planning to do, if it took off...

OK -- by now I am flabbergasted.. and she goes on ---

She told me that Bob did not suffer when he passed, that he merely woke up from a deep sleep, felt a slight compression in his chest and then, thought, he went back to sleep and dreamt of people standing in his room with their arms open, welcoming him, and he went to them and didn't realize he had died as he did not see a tunnel or white light, just people welcoming him and he only realized he died three days later... He told her that his heart just stopped. And it happened so fast, there was nothing (even if in a hospital) that anyone could do, his heart just stopped and  -- it was "just his time".

And also that (he tells her, I don't want to hear this) I have a long life ahead of me, and he doesn't want me to spend it alone and he will "guide" people to me, good people with good souls because he said, "my wife has the soul of an angel" and "never let me down" and "was always there for me" and "she needs someone in her life like that."

Then she tells me that I actually saw Bob, and when I said, "no", she said that he was "sure" I saw him in the hallway, as I actually looked him in the eye, but then walked right through him!  Well, jeepers, that's kind of spooky.... I don't remember that at all...   anyhoo

All in all, I'm glad I went. This may have been the "push" I needed. This past week, I've pulled out my memoir manuscript, printed it out, to go through it and edit and re-think some chapters and re-think where this book is heading and what do I want it "to be". I've been "stuck" so long (months) but now I think the problem was/is that I'm trying to cover too much in one manuscript and should stick with the lawsuit on this memoir, then perhaps, as so many of you have suggested in the past "turn my blog into a book" about the caregiving years (though I haven't a clue how to do that) and for the third book? Maybe a book of Bob's post-stroke illustrations, with commentary for each of them written by me......

And I better hurry, April 11th is not that far off, jeepers!  First time, I've gotten "demands" from the "other side".

And, I tell you, I'm never going to look at those two gentlemen squirrels in the front yard again in the same way....



PS: Below, last post, is picture of one the gentlemen....


Friday, September 21, 2018

Bird Feeder

So I got a bird feeder, as suggested by the local medium, in order to attract birds to my yard, and "open the door" for messages from Bob.  Oh-kay. Here's what I get, everyday!  I know I can get some type of feeder that detracts squirrels, but this guy makes me laugh.

And yes, Mom & Dad, got my camera working!