Estate Planning with Aphasia

Warning: This post is rated R, for strong language content!

Last week, our medical malpractice attorney sent another attorney, who specializes in "estate planning", to our house for a consultation. The idea here was start the process of drafting "Last Wills & Testaments" (ours will need to be updated), "Power of Attorney" paperwork and talk about the possibility of setting up a Special Needs Trust for Bob once we have a settlement.

I thought I had prepared Bob for this appointment. I had, in fact, sat down with him twice to explain that an attorney was coming here to talk about money matters like wills and other legal paperwork and not to worry, I'd do all the talking.

The whole meeting started off on the wrong foot with Boomer jumping around like a mad hound.  I had to corral the dog and get him off into the back bedroom, and by the time I got back to Bob's room, the attorney had already opened his briefcase and settled down on the couch---which, because Bob is blind in the left eye, is out of Bob's range of vision.

I probably should have asked him to move to the chair facing Bob. (Live and learn, Diane.) But, alas, I did not. Instead, I sat down in the chair facing Bob.

The first thing the attorney said was that he wanted to be right up front and tell us that he had done the estate planning for the doctor who performed Bob's carotid endarterectomy and he wanted us to know that so it would not be construed as a conflict of interest. So, I explained the suit was not against the doctor but against the hospital staff and we went on to talk about happened in the hospital ICU on that night in October 2010 when Bob had the stroke....

Bob, hearing all of this, decided to contribute his version of what happened that night. The conversation went something like this:

Bob:  They fucked me up. See? Neck. (points to his neck) and... um, fingers... (points to his legs) and, and, legs. (points to his arm).

Attorney:  I see. I am so very sorry this happened. (Then, shuffles some papers, turns to me) OK. Let's get down to business. Do you have copies of your current wills?

Me: (handing him the papers) I know we need to update these. My concern right now is, until then, if anything happens, will they hold up in court? We didn't use an attorney back in 2001.

Attorney: (reads the wills) Oh, sure, these will hold up in court. It's what we call a 'mom and pop will'. Did you download this form from the internet?

Me: No, I just used our previous wills as a template.

Bob: (gesturing to the attorney, who he can't see, because he's sitting on the couch) Hey you! You! THEY FUCKED ME UP! SEE?

Attorney:  Yes, I see they, um, messed you up bad. (shakes his head) Just terrible. (Then, to me) The problem with a 'mom and pop' will is that you may have to locate the witnesses to validate the will.  Do you still have contact with these people?

Me: Um, No, they were are neighbors at the time, but they moved.

Attorney: Well, if anything happened, you might have to track them down. Do you know if they are still in the area or---

Bob: (gesturing at the attorney) Hey you! They fucked me up! OK? SEE?

Me: (thinking) Jeepers, what's gotten into Bob?

Attorney: (startled, glances at Bob, then back to me)  Anyway. These will certainly need updating. Especially in light of what's happened since. For example, you have your husband listed as a executor of your estate and I'm sure--

Bob: HEY YOU, THEY FUCKED ME UP! SEE? Arms! (points to his legs) and neck! (points to his neck) and legs! (points to his arm)

Me: (silent, horrified)

Attorney: And, um, I'm sure he is not capable of that. Have you thought about who you'd want to---

Bob: HEY YOU! FUCKED ME UP! OK? FUCKED ME UP!

Attorney: (Looks at Bob, shakes his head, then to me) Is he, um, able to sign a legal document?

Me (thinking, Jeepers!) Sure. He signs all his own paperwork.

Attorney: But, does he understand what he's signing?

Me: Oh sure. He does have some trouble reading, but if I explain things to him. Or read it to him. He understands. I'm certain.

Bob:  HEY YOU, THEY FUCKED ME UP! OK?

And I cringe.

And then Bob starts crying. Literally. Tears flowing down his checks. And he keeps repeating, "fucked me up, fucked me up, fucked me up..."

So I go to Bob's side and grab his hand and try to comfort him, telling him that the attorney already understands what happened and now we are talking about legal paperwork. But Bob is red faced and crying and I hate to admit, I got tears in my eyes, too.

The attorney says, "Well, um, I'm sure this has been really hard for you both."

Then I ask Bob if he understands the paperwork he signs, and Bob, though his tears, nods "yes". And I look at the attorney and say, "See? He understands."

Attorney: Robert, can I ask you a question?

Bob: (nods)

Attorney: Who is the President of the United States?

Bob:  (looks confused)

Attorney: Who is the President of the United States?

Bob: Um, C. and... um, N. G. J?

Me: Bob, he wants you to tell him the name of the President of the United States.

Bob:  Well, duh! You know.

Me:  Yes, I know. But he wants to know if you know. Who is the president? What's his name?

Bob:  Um, C..... and um, N. and J?

Me:  Come on, you voted for him. Remember, O--  (I give him the first syllable, because sometimes that jars his word recall.)

Bob: N? C?

At which point, the attorney starts talking about the need for a court appointed "legal guardian" as Bob doesn't seem competent...

At which point, I tell him I do think him competent, he just has expressive aphasia and can't find the right words. But I'm sure he understands everything that's going on.

I can tell this attorney is really, really doubting me.

So I mention that our malpractice attorney had been talking about doing some "cognitive testing" but it hasn't been done yet. Which is basically where we ended this meeting. With the need to do cognitive testing....

When the attorney left, I turned to Bob and said, "What the heck was that all about?"

Bob: What?

Me: All that "fuck me up stuff," I'm sure that guy thinks you're a complete retard, now.

Bob: (looking horrified)  Sorry.

Me: You're not usually like that. What happened?

Bob: (jabs his finger to his forehead) Stupid.

Me:  Who is the President of the United States?

Bob: Obama.

Me: Jeepers! Why didn't you say that to him???

Bob: I don't know.

All righty.

And I still haven't figured what happened. Except that maybe Bob got confused because the attorney was out of his line of vision and wasn't sure the attorney had heard him the first time, or he perseverated and the "fucked me up" phrase just got stuck in a loop in his mind which sometimes happens or he thought this guy was with the defense or he just got emotionally wound up thinking about that night in ICU or...... what?

But I guess we have some cognitive testing in our future....

Jeepers. I do hope he can pass the test...