And I'm Still Standing

Three years ago, tonight, Bob came home from the Acute Rehab Hospital. I remember it well. Such a relief to leave and the transport home cost $50.00. Jeepers.

This marks three years of full-time caregiving for me. Three years of cleaning up bowel movements, cleaning up urinary incontinence, managing his meds, daily feeding tube duties, dressing/bathing him, daily (sometimes 2-4 times daily) laundry, doing his therapy, scheduling appointments, fighting the system, trying to keep positive (not always doing that so well), trying not to cry (not always successful in that),  taking care of everything by myself, sleeping alone in our bed, fretting about all these medical bills that we can't pay, praying the washer/dryer don't break, etc., etc...

Three years of ups and downs. Of trials and tribulations. Of hopes and hopes dashed and hopes again and dashed again and new hopes and always trying to keep hope...

I know I am older, wiser, and, I think, a stronger person after all of this. Believe me, this is the hardest thing I ever have done...

Back then, I gave myself a year. I figured, if he wasn't better in a year--- you know, walking, talking, eating -- I'd take those doctors' advice and find a nursing home for him.

But he wasn't and I didn't.

I couldn't, because I love him so much and know that he is happy to be home and this is where he wants to be and I am happy he is here with me....

It's been really hard.

But I am still standing!

Pretty amazing, if I don't say so myself. Didn't think I could do it. Never, in a million years, did I think I could do this. If you would have asked me, say four years ago, could I do this? I would have laughed....I wouldn't have thought myself capable. So! I am truly amazed at myself. But, you know, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do....



Happy New Year!