Dog Heaven

Decisions, decisions....

Wilbur Flies Again

Years ago, Bob found a vintage flamingo whirligig in an antique shop for $6.00. He named it "Wilbur" and Wilbur has been with us for the many trials and tribulations since then.

Wilbur was first installed on the balcony of our apartment:

Here's Wilbur decked out with a Christmas Bow with Bob

Wilbur then went on to become the mascot of my antique mall booth which was called "Diane's Florida Room":

And Bob even made him this (now rather faded) promotional sign:

After I closed my mall booth, Wilbur became an "inside bird" mounted in the bathroom of our old bungalow.  Unfortunately, he suffered many mishaps along the way, including on our move here-- yet another broken wing (the other wing had been broken, Bob had repaired it before):

Which try as I might, I could not seem to repair....

Then, I found a guy on e-bay who makes whirligigs and after a few emails back and forth, he offered to make Wilbur a new set of wings, which I just got this week.

Though unfortunately in the process of trying to install Wilbur on the porch, he suffered a severe fall and was decapitated.Yikes! ( I didn't take a picture of this -- it was too awful --- sorry)

I thought all was lost, but I finally managed to perform a successful neckectomy and glue him back together and also glue him to the post that Bob had made for him (had to do this because weirdly he didn't seem to fit anymore which is why he fell head-first on the deck) then got him all connected with the swivel gizmo that Bob concocted, into which the post fits, and found a clamp to secure him to the deck rail and now,Wilbur ("Our Guardian Flamingo Whirlygig") once again flies at The Pink House!

Wilbur's new wings! On our deck at the new Pink House

Bob would be pleased. And so am I.

Rain

I woke up again with rain beating on roof, it's the second, maybe third day in a row. This weather reminds of the weather after Bob died when it felt like the world was weeping with me.

My mood matches the weather. A sort of Edgar Allan Poe's single effect theory in action. I am gloomy as the sky.

For a long time, I have been afraid to blog my feelings. Afraid of -- what? Barbed wire comments. Nasty people. Bob's family comes to mind. They never liked me, never understood him. And grief is so personal.

At night, I sit on the back porch and watch the rain, telephone beside me, hoping for a friendly call that does not come.

It is so lonely here.

The guest house is now empty of Chris' things.

Yesterday, Bubba stopped by to drop of Bob's tools. The red metal toolbox from The Green Machine, the one we always carried in the trunk in case the car broke down. Funnels and rags and buckets for oil changes and checking the fluid levels. An empty gas can. The car jack that we once used to lift an antique cupboard up the wall. The green plastic Hawaiin lei that he had hung over the rear view mirror. So many memories there.

These things brought me to tears.

I had Bubba put everything in the garage -- I'll deal with it later. So I say. Even as Bob's clothes are still in the closet and in the drawers and the shorts he was to wear the day he died are still folded, waiting for him, on the bedroom trunk.....

Some days are worse than others. The rain does not help....

Second Visit with a Medium

So, I thought I was ready to go back to medium, have a conversation Bob. And I'd been thinking about this for a while and finally made an appointment and saw her yesterday.

I actually made a point of dressing up, wearing a sundress, putting on makeup, as if Bob and I had an actual date! Which we did -- at least I hoped.

The session got off to a rocky start, the medium having trouble "connecting" with Bob. Finally, she said she had made the connection and described his piercing blue eyes.

Then he told her that he was very concerned about me, that I was too sad, too depressed and needed to get it over it and be happy again and go with life and even date other men! And I thought whoa--
This was not what I expected to hear.

And I felt like I was disappointing Bob.

I felt like he was mad at me!

And then, I thought, well, is this really him she's "talking" to ??? Because the other thing she mentioned was that he was "bowling" up there (over there) on the other side. Yes, bowling, with a ball and lanes and making strikes, that kind of bowling. And I thought --- BOWLING? BOB? That didn't sound like him at all.

So I said to the medium that I needed more proof. She actually she told me if I wasn't satisfied, the session would be free --- so she tried again, asking Bob for some "proof".

I could see her concentrating, "listening" to him, and she says, he really liked my cooking. And I'm thinking that's pretty general and could apply to anyone but then she is concentrating again and says "Oh! that's terrible! that's just horrible!" and I'm thinking--what?

And she says, he tells me to tell you that he couldn't eat, that he actually had a tube --- some kind of tube in his tummy and that's how he ate.

And I'm thinking -- oh.

And she continues and tells me that he says he remembers when he couldn't talk at all, and you and he had to communicate through your eyes....

Oh.

She continues and tells me that he says you are a wonderful wife and you took very good care of him and you did it out of love, not obligation, not because you had too but because you loved him so much. And you took really good care of him and all those years he never had a bedsore because you took such good care of him. And he wants me to know he really appreciates that.

And he says that he's happy I chose to marry him because at first, I was very stubborn and didn't want to get married. And he's happy he convinced me to marry him because I was the love of his life.

And he went on to tell me that he is sad that we had so many plans and now he isn't there with me to finish those plans, but he loves the house and loves the landscaping.

And he says that "life over here" is not what he expected, not at all what he was taught in school. (Bob grew up Catholic.)

And he still loves me, unconditionally. Never wanted to hurt me. Feels bad that I am still hurting. Wants me to be happy, to go on with life and that we will meet again. And, also,  I should write my book and be sure to have it published in HARD COPY and NOT just electronically!

And then he signs off. I'm thinking, okay, I guess that was him after all!

The medium tells me that Bob is "an old soul" and that he will not return to earth, and neither will I -- that this is my last time on this plane, and when I pass I will meet up with him and we will spend the rest of eternity together....

And when I'm preparing to leave, the medium tells me about Chris. She says that Chris and I were sisters, in a past life, and we lived in Germany during WWII. That Chris died during the war and was immediately reincarnated, but I lived a long life.  And that is why we had such a fond affection for each other in this life....

And I thought funny, that, because Chris' daughter always says, "You guys were like sisters." And Chris was born in 1942....