Spontaneity

spon-ta-ne-i-ty  noun: 

the quality or state of being spontaneous

spon-ta-ne-ous  adj: 

performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without pre-meditation or external stimulus

And I tell you, it's been a long time, since Bob and I have indulged in a little spontaneity. I was thinking about this, the other morning, while walking Boomer. The weather was just gorgeous. Sunshine. Not a cloud in the sky. A pleasant breeze. Temperatures hovering around 69 degrees. The kind of a day which makes one just want to kick up one's heels, do something a little fun and spontaneous. Especially after weeks of cold snaps and gloomy weather. And oh! I just wanted to go out with Bob and do something!

Before the stroke, we would have done just that. Made a run to the Chinese take-out place, grab some food and have an impromptu picnic in the park by the bay. Or gone for a drive in the country -- stopping at quaint little antique shops along the way...

God, how I miss those days. You don't know, how much you can miss such simple things until they are gone...

These days, there is nothing spontaneous in our life -- everything has to be planned, planned, planned. From the wheelchair transport (24 hours in advance to reserve) to getting Bob ready (at least a 2 hour job) to packing extra diapers, etc., not to mention the physical work of lifting, dressing, etc. for me. 

But the day was so gorgeous -- and I wanted Bob to enjoy it, somehow.

And I knew I needed some things from the corner store, which is six blocks away. And I thought, very spontaneously, maybe I should take him with me! Push him to the corner store, grab a few things and come back! It could be fun!

But then I thought about how much easier it would be to go in the car, alone. I mean, no lifting him into the wheelchair, no pushing a wheelchair six blocks there and six blocks back and god knows what else can go wrong, i.e. bowel movement? right in the middle of it all? yikes

But the day was so beautiful! I wanted him to enjoy it, too. He must get sick of looking at the same four walls every darn day...

So, I asked Bob if he wanted to go with me. First he said, "think about it", and I could tell he wasn't thrilled. I know, it's very painful and difficult for him to get out of that bed. Plus uncomfortable for him in the wheelchair.

Then I told him that it would make me so happy to do something together. Because really, I miss doing things together---so much. And also I told him the weather was beautiful and he really should get out of the house to enjoy it. And finally, he relented and agreed, but I could tell he wasn't thrilled about it. But he would do it "for me".

So! Two hours later (as that is how long it took to get him ready) and then lifted into the wheelchair and then out the door and, wow, pushing him six blocks in the beautiful sunshine and all that was great! All the way there, I kept telling Bob, "Isn't this fun? Isn't the weather beautiful?" and he would reply "Fun!"

Then we got to the store and it was packed, so lots of trying to wheel him around obstacles, and people blocking aisles, but really, I only needed bread, milk and some dog food. So, we went through the store rather quickly with just a shopping basket balanced on Bob's lap.

Then we checked out. This store is a "bag your own" store, so I had to push Bob to the side while I  attempted to pack up our items, and there was sooo many people around, it was hard to find the room to do this and frustrating with the wheelchair, not to mention uncontrolled children running back and forth etc. and as I was finally finishing packing up our bag, I hear Bob suddenly yell, loudly, "WANT TO GO HOME!"

Oh crap. I just cringe.

But when I turned to him, he smiled and said, "Kiddings!" And he laughed.

On our way home, from a spontaneous trip to the corner store.

Then I pushed him home, six blocks.
With a sack of groceries on his lap.
Which made the wheelchair even heavier. Especially on the not-so-even sidewalk and a couple of really steep "handicap" curbs. Plus, his paralyzed (right) foot kept slipping off the foot rest of his chair, so I had to keep stopping, getting down on the ground and shove his foot back into place, else we would have run it over... grrrr...

Then, home again, had shove him up the steep wheelchair ramp, then lift him back into bed, get him boosted up and situated then unpack our bag then basically, I fall over, exhausted. And I thought, maybe that wasn't such a good idea, after all...

So much for "spontaneity".  Not sure, if I want to do it again.

It's really too much work! And what I wouldn't do, to have a "normal" life again.

But, at least, Bob got some sunshine!