I'M BAAAACK!

After my internet being completely down, or off and on, for a couple of weeks and spending hours on the phone with tech support plus other hours uploading, downloading, waiting for things to upload/download, not to mention visiting "help" sites to to try to get this computer working right, and hours/days pulling out my hair... seems it is, finally working!

Fingers crossed...

Will try to blog something more relevant tomorrow....

Perhaps my computer needs some Reiki --

Sorry for the silence....

I'll be back!

Today is Bob's 61st Birthday....

Happy Birthday sweetheart! I love you, miss you and will always celebrate you this day. You are my husband, my one and only, in spirit and forever......

Q & A

Dear Readers: I've learned my lesson and promise to try to reply to all comments.

I have a question, hypothetical question, actually a couple, for you all, and would appreciate your honest response.

Question #1:

If your father, whom you always thought of as your Dad, was, in fact, not your biological father, would you want to know the truth?

Question #2:

If you found out your father was not your biological father (from a third party) how would that make you feel?

Thanks and looking forward to some responses.

Happy New Year

Here's to:

Another year without Bob.

Another year of anxiety and stress and depression.

Another year of loneliness

Another year I feel I can't blog my true feelings ---  as I get mostly negative comments -- or no comments --which is worse?

Or sometimes the"be happy" comments or the "get over it" comments --- which just make me feel like a failure...

The occasional supportive comment -- I love. Thank you.

But another year without most people understanding how I feel.

Another year just trying to get by....

Another year of writing my book...

Hope I find something this year....  not that anyone gives a shit... but it is what it is....

Happy New Year to you all!

Christmas Eve at The Pink House

One of the neighbor's passed out luminaries to everyone on the block, so last night was a beautiful scene strolling down the sidewalks with Kona on Christmas Eve:

OK, it was hard to take pictures at night and a lot came out blurry!

Yes, even me, The Grinch had them out!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Big Steps, Baby Steps, sometimes No Steps....

So my internet is still off and on -- not been able to post much -- but on this minute...

So quickly, BIG step:  A friend & neighbor (love you Sharron) picked up three bags of Bob's old clothes and took them to the thrift shop that benefits the local women's shelter....   I cried, but without her actually taking them, I don't know if I could've done it. Bagged them up about a year ago, since they have just sat there...

Another BIG step: I joined a church. You read that right. A church --  who me? Church? Me -- the recovering Catholic, former agnostic, atheist, deist, nonconformist, anti-organized religionist groups --- me? Church? Jeepers!

Though this is not the usual type of church. This is A Spiritualist Church, the Reverend is a medium.  It's a small church, maybe 7 people show up, most I've seen is 20 people, little place, kind of run down, but my kind of people and before each service starts there is a healing (reiki) if you want to do that and the service "ends" with mediumship readings --- i.e. messages from the spirit world.

Well, actually the service officially ends with everyone holding hands and singing that song that goes "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me...."  You know the one.

First time I attended, Kona was so disoriented, and so was I so she's looking at me for direction and I have no clue what to expect.  You know, Kona and I  -- we did a lot of "public access" training for her service dog license but never a church. So all through the service, when you are asked to "rise" I stand up, Kona takes that as a clue: "oh we're leaving" and starts for the door. Then I sit back down, and she's confused.

Doesn't help, the church is dog friendly (well actually that's nice but...) there is always this white dog there, who constantly barks at Kona -- and Kona gets very excited. (My anxiety control dog now needs an anxiety control dog! ha)

And we certainly never had dog training in a group of people holding hands and singing.

 Anyway, try this sometime:  Hold hands in a circle, with one of your hands in another person's and also hanging onto a leash. Your other hand is holding the person's hand on the other side of you....

 So there we are, first time attending, me and Kona (not understanding what the heck is going on) as we are singing "Let there be peace on earth, etc." I look down and see Kona sniffing the guy's crotch next to me! Ga! I try to pull her back, but mind you, I have my hand in his hand and the leash too -- so can't really jerk the dog back with her leash without jerking the guy's hand and certainly don't want to shout "NO!" mid-song, finally manage, with my foot to get Kona to look at me and she comes back, but circles behind me and the next thing I know, Kona is behind me and has her nose up the skirt of the woman on the other side of me. GA!

Fortunately, no one said anything....

And we've gone about 5 times, still getting used to it. Giving it a chance...

No steps: Still two boxes of Bob's clothes in the closet... not going anywhere soon.....

Baby step: My mother has been bugging me about putting Christmas decorations up. Haven't done a darn thing, except buy a couple of pine scented candles. It's just too sad. Bob loved Christmas decorations so much -- loved putting up the lights etc. everything about it, reminds me that he's not here... anyway

Saturday, Hillary and I went to a Victorian Christmas Stroll at a local museum (which was lovely) and, at the gift shop, I bought a Christmas tree!!

As you can see, it's a really big one! Ripley seems to like it....

Just trying to get through the holidays.....