The Fence, The Latch, The Drill & Me

So the other day, I went to open my side gate, a gate that separates the front and back yard, and the darn latch will not open. I try, and try, and try, and the damn lever thing will not lift over the damn  bracket thing (those are technical terms, by the way. ha!) and I thinking, what the heck?

The G-D Latch!

I don't use this gate often, but use it when I need to fill the pool as the hose is on the side of the house. So maybe the thing is just rusted.

I search the house for WD40, finally find the can, can't find the darn top, search for that, find that and go out and spray the crap out of the latch -- but the thing still will not budge.  I spray it again and jiggle and wiggle it and finally pushing down with all might, I get the darn gate open. But when I try to close it, it will not close.... as now the lever will not go into the bracket.

I'm looking at it and thinking, maybe the wood on the gate has warped a bit and that's why it won't latch like it used to -- so how to fix this? Perhaps, I can move the bracket down a tad so that the lever can easily maneuver into the bracket. The bracket has two screws, so should be easy --- right?

Wrong.

 Meanwhile, since the gate is open, I run the hose to the pool to fill it. Then I go into the house to find a Phillips screw driver and my cordless drill, go back to the gate, try to unscrew the screws, first by hand, no luck, then by using my cordless drill which has screw bits.  This works slightly, getting the first screw halfway out, but then shreds the head of the screw so there are no longer any slats in it, just a large hole.  Oh-kay.

I go back into the house digging through the toolbox for some tool that will help me remove the broken screw and decide on a claw hammer and figure I'll pull it out as one would a nail. Go back outside, after several attempts, manage to yank that sucker out, but split the wood on the fence post in the process....

By now I'm ready to pull my hair out.

But I proceed, go into the house, get a smaller screw bit and manage to get the second screw out without stripping it. So far, too good. Now it's time to drill pilot holes for the new screws a tad lower than the old holes. So I switch the screw bit out for a regular drill bit and begin drilling a new hole, not realizing that the drill is on reverse and wondering why it's smoking like hell....

Figured that out, reversed the drill, drilled again, then tried to screw in a new screw, and the darn screw goes halfway in and stops and refuses to budge.  AAAARGH!  So I unscrew it, get a bigger drill bit, re-drill the hole, try again and finally, whoopee -- The first screw is in! Yay, me.

Onto the second screw. While I'm drilling the hole, the drill bit jams and gets stuck and simply detaches itself from the drill. Now I have a drill bit, stuck half in and hanging half out of the fence post. And I can't seem to get the damn thing out, each time I fit the end of the bit into the drill, clamp  the drill shut around it, turn on the drill, the drill just slides off.

By now I'm ready to get god damn sledge hammer and knock the whole fence down, I'm so frustrated. I'm yelling in my head, "God damn it Bob, where are you when I need you? How could you leave me alone like this!!! Give me some help here, hey!!!!" Because, damn, he could've (pre-stroke) gotten this job done in 5 minutes and so far it's taken me 45 minutes and I'm dripping with sweat and still screwing around, literally.

Deep breath.

Try again, fit the bit into the drill, clamp it shut, turn it on, and the bit comes out like magic. I screw in that last screw without any trouble and when I shut the gate, the latch slides into the bracket perfectly. Ta da!

Then I look at the pool and wonder why hasn't it filled up? The hose has been in there for 45 minutes, for crying out loud. I check the hose and only a dribble is coming out of the nozzle and I follow the hose and find a kink in it.

I tell you, doesn't this sound like an episode from I Love Lucy?