Diane, such a lovely picture of the two of you, thanks for sharing this with the rest of us. I'm hoping that the comment I'm going to make is taken in the spirit in which it is intended and not as some back handed heartless comment from a stranger. We are strangers, but I've been following you now for a couple (2-3) years and I really do understand that you're trying to come to terms with Bob's death and where that leaves you now in 'life'. Please understand I have no intention of hurting you, but I really feel compelled to share this with you. Denise mentioned that she wished she knew some appropriate words to say to you and your comment to her was that the appropriate thing SHOULD be for others to say to you "Happy Anniversary", as it's an anniversary of a very special day. Although this is absolutely true, in life, with EVERYONE (you are not singled out here), when there is a marriage and one the spouses die, the marriage ceases to be. That may sound abrupt, but that's truly how it is by law, it's not nullified or ripped away from your memories, but it no longer 'is'. This is what makes it possible for widows and widowers to remarry another person without first having to seek a divorce. All of us who have come to care about you, have become familiar thru what you share on your blog. We all know how very very much you and Bob loved one another, there is not a single one of us who would seek to discredit that. But in your journey to find peace and come to terms with life without Bob, you are going to need to compartmentalize some things in order to move ahead. You are being your own worst enemy by clutching these things to your chest as if someone is trying to steal them from your grasp. Those memories should be the very things that allow you to heal! Imagine Bob looking down now, seeing how the memory of time with him has crippled you - he would be devastated, utterly gutted at the thought. I understand what you're going thru.... we've all been thru it, death is never easy for those left behind. For me it was children rather than my husband. People said, you can have more children - but I knew that countless other children would never replace the ones I lost, some I had memories with and some I never had the opportunity to make memories with. Loss is loss and everyone handles it differently. There is no set time for grief to end, I will forever grieve the loss of my children, but I decided that I wouldn't allow that to cripple me, it's a huge insult & disservice to them for me to do that to their memory. I hope that you, Diane, will find the strength inside of you to begin that same process. I also hope that you know that I meant well with what I've shared with you. I wish you nothing but the best and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. God is never far away Diane, you can have a conversation with him just as you do your best pal - he knows your pain and he's there to help ya thru it. People tend to think that if God was there, he would just clobber them over the head and make them KNOW he's there, but he won't do that, he's patient and he waits for us to come to him... (then he might clobber ya). :-) Can't promise anything... he works in mysterious ways. God bless you!!!
3 comments:
I wish I had some appropriate words, but I don't. Life can be hard, you know?
Denise, I wish people would understand, the "appropriate words" are "Happy Anniversary!" cause it is still an anniversary of a very special day ---
Diane, such a lovely picture of the two of you, thanks for sharing this with the rest of us. I'm hoping that the comment I'm going to make is taken in the spirit in which it is intended and not as some back handed heartless comment from a stranger. We are strangers, but I've been following you now for a couple (2-3) years and I really do understand that you're trying to come to terms with Bob's death and where that leaves you now in 'life'. Please understand I have no intention of hurting you, but I really feel compelled to share this with you. Denise mentioned that she wished she knew some appropriate words to say to you and your comment to her was that the appropriate thing SHOULD be for others to say to you "Happy Anniversary", as it's an anniversary of a very special day. Although this is absolutely true, in life, with EVERYONE (you are not singled out here), when there is a marriage and one the spouses die, the marriage ceases to be. That may sound abrupt, but that's truly how it is by law, it's not nullified or ripped away from your memories, but it no longer 'is'. This is what makes it possible for widows and widowers to remarry another person without first having to seek a divorce. All of us who have come to care about you, have become familiar thru what you share on your blog. We all know how very very much you and Bob loved one another, there is not a single one of us who would seek to discredit that. But in your journey to find peace and come to terms with life without Bob, you are going to need to compartmentalize some things in order to move ahead. You are being your own worst enemy by clutching these things to your chest as if someone is trying to steal them from your grasp. Those memories should be the very things that allow you to heal! Imagine Bob looking down now, seeing how the memory of time with him has crippled you - he would be devastated, utterly gutted at the thought. I understand what you're going thru.... we've all been thru it, death is never easy for those left behind. For me it was children rather than my husband. People said, you can have more children - but I knew that countless other children would never replace the ones I lost, some I had memories with and some I never had the opportunity to make memories with. Loss is loss and everyone handles it differently. There is no set time for grief to end, I will forever grieve the loss of my children, but I decided that I wouldn't allow that to cripple me, it's a huge insult & disservice to them for me to do that to their memory. I hope that you, Diane, will find the strength inside of you to begin that same process. I also hope that you know that I meant well with what I've shared with you. I wish you nothing but the best and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. God is never far away Diane, you can have a conversation with him just as you do your best pal - he knows your pain and he's there to help ya thru it. People tend to think that if God was there, he would just clobber them over the head and make them KNOW he's there, but he won't do that, he's patient and he waits for us to come to him... (then he might clobber ya). :-) Can't promise anything... he works in mysterious ways. God bless you!!!
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