Good News, Bad News and It's May

May has always been a bad month for me as it marks Bob's death anniversary, something that will forever be engraved in my mind. Also this May, there's war, inflation, shortages and a school shooting. Outside my normal high anxiety in the month of May, the countdown if you will to "death day", other stuff has been going on. Here's a recap:

Good News: Ripley's medication has stabilised his hyperthyroidism.  

Bad News: That means two pills daily for the rest of his life. If you've ever had to give a cat a pill you know what a pain in the ass that can be. Also regular blood and urine tests to make sure he's still stable. A lot of them for the first year... every so many months (I forget, 3 months? I think) As there is a possibility of renal failure.... and/or meds stop working or have to be adjusted.

Good News: Ripley loves cheese, so after trying multiple things, I've been "rolling" his pills in "Europe's Leading Cheese Expert President Pub Cheese" Sharp Cheddar, spreadable, aged 9 months, with milk and cream. So far he loves it! Gobbles it up! Fingers crossed, he'll continue to and I can find this stuff again. (There was only one on the shelf when I purchased it.)

Good News: Ripley is cleared for surgery. June 14th.

Bad News: Ripley is cleared for surgery and I am worried sick. He has to fast (no food) after midnight the night before. He's going to hate me when breakfast should be served... he's going to see Kona eating breakfast and wonder where his is... poor little-big guy (18 lbs.) and of course I am worried about the surgery itself. Surviving the procedure. Worried the cyst may be cancer. And Zenith died in June of 2015 post-surgery and that is never far from my mind.

Good News: They can do the surgery in our backyard. The mobile cat hospital has a huge RV outfitted like an actual clinic. So I just have to take Ripley out the backdoor, hand him over, and wait.... They will be removing the cyst on his head and a broken tooth.

Bad News: It's going to be very very expensive....

Good News: My father just got a hospital bed delivered to their home. He loves it.

Bad News: My father just got a hospital bed....  and I worry about him. I am feeling pressured to travel 1400 miles to visit and honestly, in my emotional/mental state, with everything going on with Ripley, I am in no shape to do that... and feel guilty as hell.

Good News: Lost 15 lbs a few months ago!

Bad News: Gained 15 lbs back. grrr

Good News: Kona's ear infection cleared up. Finally! She's on a new immunotherapy, hoping this one will do the trick.

Bad News: My manuscript sits in a steaming pile on my desk. Haven't been able to look at it.

Good News: The raccoon(s) are gone from the pool. And haven't seen a snake since they applied the snake repellent.

Bad News: I feel like I'm back at Stage 1 in the Grief Process. Having panic attacks. Having derealisation episodes. Trouble sleeping. Nightmares. Breaking out in tears for no real reason. And general fatigue and depression.

Well, that's about it. It's been up and down.

For now.

Signs

 Bob and I have always loved birds, especially doves. We had several trained to land on our hands for a treat of peanuts. Bob took the above picture of a white dove landing on my hand.

We started feeding the birds at a nearby park....

Then they began following us home! So Bob built a bird feeder for our balcony..

And we fed them every night after Bob came home from work. Since Bob passed away, I always found feathers in my pathway and always thought of Bob, a sign from Bob that he was with me. To the point, I had so many feathers I have a bouquet of feathers from Bob.

And then suddenly they stopped. No more feathers.... No more Bob? Where had he gone?

I signed up and took an online class with Matt Frasier (medium) on "Signs" hoping for some answers to why I wasn't getting any. Matt expressed something new which was you could request a particular sign, something that would personally remind you of your loved one. Now other mediums and books have said to never request a particular sign, so this was new to me. I decided to try it.

I asked Bob to please send me a feather. A different colour feather than the ones I had. Red (cardinal) or green (parrot) both birds are in our neighbourhood or even black, just a feather different than the ones I had in my bouquet.... and in lieu of feather, hey Bob, a $20 bill would do! (He always carried his "lucky 20" in his wallet.)

So I asked. I waited. And nothing happened for two weeks. And one night, I got frustrated and screamed at him, screamed at Bob: "COME HOME! I NEED YOU! DAMN IT!" I went to bed and woke up early around 4 a.m., couldn't fall back to sleep, ultimately got up, feed Kona and Ripley, made coffee, settled down on the couch to watch the morning news and promptly fell asleep.

Only to be startled awake by someone coming in the back door. Terrified, I sprang up! Saw nothing. Heard a voice (in my head) "it's a dream, go back to sleep". I immediately fell back to sleep and the dream continued: the back door opened and I heard the clank of car keys hit the metal kitchen table. I heard Bob call out, "Honey, I'm home!" just like he used to when he came home from work, thinking it was funny, like an old TV show. And Bob, in my dream, walked into the kitchen, through the dining room, toward me in the living room. He was smiling and wearing his favourite blue shirt, blue jeans and it was so real I opened my eyes expecting him to actually be standing there. Of course he wasn't.

That morning while walking Kona I didn't find a single feather... About a block away from our house, I noticed in the dirt there was a lamp harp. I walked past it, thinking that's weird. Why is there an antique lamp harp lying in the dirt. Nothing around it. No other junk, etc. Just a lamp harp. Then I thought, I wonder if there is a finial on it? Went back to look and there was an old lamp finial like a weathervane. I picked it up, brushed off the dirt, took it home. While showering, thinking about the lamp harp and its unusual finial. Once done, I went and took a good look at the finial. It wasn't a weathervane at all.

But a brass arrow with a feather! Which is certainly a different colour feather than any I have!

Now Bob used to love to restore old lamps, which is why I know what a lamp "harp" is, in fact I have a whole drawer marked "lamp parts" in our tool chest in Bob's handwriting. He often took before and after pictures of his projects.

Above is one his projects.... So an antique lamp harp and finial is definitely something that reminds me of Bob and his hobby. And a feather on a finial, well that's a sign! Finally!

The next day I found an actual feather, brown and orange.... Not even sure what kind of bird that is... But a different colour than any I have...

And the next week, there in my path was a folded twenty dollar bill.

He is certainly still with me. He's home. He's made that very clear. Thank you, sweetheart!

Another week of crap (literally)

First it's snakes.... Huge live snake in the front yard, scared me half to death. Snake skins shed by the pool. Huge, long, yuck! I had the snake guy out to treat the yard this week. Hope it works (a repellant).

Now something is defecating in my swimming pool! Jeepers. Always at night. Last night, I was up at midnight... looking outside--- nothing...(I mean no animal no nothing in the pool) and up at 5 a.m., looked out and there was the evidence... poop in the pool. So between midnight and 5 a.m. some creature out there... 

Oh geez...

Pool guy said looked like a raccoon feces... Guess they have a habit of doing this. Pooping in swimming pools.

Feel like I'm in the country, not a city, with all this wildlife taking over my yard and pool... Snakes and raccoons.... not to mention the mosquitos are out in force.

So spent the day calling around to find a "wildlife removal" company and everyone who can come out with traps told me they have to euthanise it.... and I really don't want to kill a raccoon... just want it to not use my pool as its personal toilet.

Also no way to detour it, no scents or lights or sounds or anything to keep it away.... 

Finally found someone who swore they would humanely trap and relocate... thank goodness for that. (Swore me to secrecy as I guess it's against some local ordinance). Coming next week to set traps. 

So my pool is off limits until then for me and Kona (because of high bacteria levels), but not for the raccoon! Swimming out there nightly, doing backstrokes and pooping its heart out.  Oy. And pool guy said to clean it up daily, or my pool tile might be permanently stained. So out with a brush daily I guess...

Had to get a pee sample this week from Ripley, what a pain in the butt that was... Done. Had to drive that sample way across town, had a panic attack as the traffic was horrible and nearly had an accident... But mission accomplished.

And Ripley is fighting against taking daily medication... pills twice a day. First he was eating it in cheese (loves cheese) but now is suspicious of cheese.... (Tried pill pockets, he also hates those.) Had to shove the pill down his throat tonight.  And his cyst has regrown and still waiting to see what will happen next with him. They wanted to give it 3-4 weeks and re-test...

My life seems all poop and pee again....  De ja vu

Meanwhile, my father not doing so well, up north. On palliative care...

I am so stressed out....

Quick Ripley Update

Bloodwork came back indicating Ripley has hyperthyroidism...  Whoa, didn't know cats even got that. But that makes him too unstable to undergo surgery to remove that lump on his head. So now I have to give him medication (pills), twice daily, for 4 weeks and then they will re-check to see if the medication is working.  (This is going to be a PAIN IN THE ASS! Giving him pills.. grr)

Doctor said that hyperthyroidism is fatal in older cats (Ripley is 12+) if not treated. Medication should work. Should. Work.  (!) And if it does, he will have to be on it for the rest of his life.... oy

He may also have a UTI, so I have to get a urine sample...  Another Pain in the you-know-what

And he's allergic to something as he has a rash on his crotch...

Plus a broken tooth which is infected.... which should come out.

Oh boy. Was not prepared for all this. The cat doctor did stick a needle into that lump and out came black goo....  She doesn't think it's cancerous, but should be removed as it will probably grow back. 

Damn.... No good news here on the Ripley front.

Except everyone did think he was a "handsome fellow"! And they said what I thought, that Ripley is a "Ragdoll" cat (a rare breed). Love him, all 18 pounds of him!

So it will be a trying few weeks here.... And I am an extremely stressed out cat mom.

Ripley

I've been meaning to post other things, but tomorrow Ripley has an appointment with a cat specialist, as he has a growth on his forehead....  I am worried, scared and wondering how I will get him in that cat carrier and how he will react.... 

Do have a mobile unit (Cat Hospital on wheels) coming. Still have to get him out there. 

Damn I love him. Bob loved him. Worried sick.... You can see the lump on that picture between his ears...

It's going to be a traumatic day tomorrow... Wish us the best.

Neglected Things....

 

As my book "marinates" I've been catching up on some neglected things... this week deep cleaning the house! Including washing curtains...  I'm beat.

I finally painted the trim on the porch. When the carpenters rebuilt the French doors, they (for some reason) reinstalled them and painted the trim the wrong colour...  I'm probably the only one who noticed, but it's been bugging me for awhile... 

The correct way (historically speaking) is to paint the doors and window sashes a darker colour than the trim as this makes the house look more "inviting" and draws the eye inward.

And I bought new wicker chairs as the old one's were falling apart. Feels good to have a project done.