Signs

Been meaning to post this before I came down with such a bad vaccine reaction.. so here goes.

My grief therapist told me that I needed to get back into reading books, taking workshops, studying mediumship etc. She said I was much happier when I was doing those things and I will admit I've been on a downward spiral starting with the isolation from CoVid, my broken hand, my sister's death, car troubles, house troubles, etc. it's been a lousy year or so and I have been so very lonely. Feeling like Bob is not as close in spirit as I used to feel. So I did, took an online workshop, went back to the spiritualist church and sent "up a voice-mail" as my mediumship teacher used to say asking for a sign from Bob.

So I did this. Asked for sign. Nothing particular just something I would understand that it was from him. The day afterward, I'm walking Kona and there is a rock shaped like a heart in my pathway. But it's not very big, hardly really noticeable, and you have to stretch your imagination at bit. I looked at it and said, "Come on, Bob, you can do better than that!"

The next day, walking the dog, there was this blue jay who I swear was following us. The same jay, hopping from tree to bush to lamppost --- was this a sign? Not quite sure on that one.

Third day, again walking the dog, six blue feathers lying in my pathway. A sign? Maybe. I did pick them up, then thought, oh. Hope a blue jay didn't get attacked here or worse... If that was a sign, well sort of gruesome, Bob. I did take the feathers home, put them on the shelf, and in the morning they were scattered all over the floor. A sign? Or just the cat messing around?

Fourth day or maybe fifth, Kona wanted to turn around during our walk. Unusual, but she was persistent, so I let her lead me the way home. And there it was. Lying in the alley right across from my driveway. If we hadn't gone Kona's way, I may have missed it completely.

I know this may seem an odd sign, but if you knew Bob when he was a cartoonist, he loved drawing aliens in his cartoons. He also, after his first stroke would draw and write on flat rocks as a form of occupational therapy.....

And there I found this stone with an alien painted on it right in the alley, across from my driveway..

I was going to write more but, whoa. My computer just started talking to me...!

I mean, I heard a voice. Tried to figure out where the voice was coming from. Turned off the radio. And listened to hear my computer playing a recording of a medium reading I once had and the medium was saying ... well let's just say messages from Bob and I don't know how it got turned on and don't know how to turn it off....

So spent the last hour just listening and now I am a bit more than shaken.

Definitely, another sign...

I will post more later... but publish this part now. Sorry for any typos, still dealing with this darn hand.

Been Sick as a Dog (Viewer discretion advised)

Sorry Kona, that's just phrase you use when you've been really really sick. Had that second CoVid vaccine, the first gave me headaches... I told them I got headaches from the first shot, but was told just take Tylenol, may feel fatigue... and got that second shot....  OMG

I do not remember ever feeling so sick -- nausea, bloating, cramps, dizzy, headache, severe headaches, the type you can feel by touching your skull, around the base of my skull, plus bad taste in my mouth -- horrible, brushing my teeth or gargling could not get rid of it --  then diarrhea every ten minutes or so until nothing but blood in the toilet ... thought I was bleeding internally or something... honestly thought I was going to die... 

Not that I am afraid of dying, I would see Bob, yes! But my dog, cat, my parents --- went to bed not knowing if I would wake up ...

Well I woke up, second 24 hours not as bad, headaches, nausea still very very tired...  

Third day, just oh so tired...

I do not want to discourage anyone from getting the Covid vaccine, just telling my story.

And now they are saying people may need a booster shot --- NO FUCKING WAY for me. That's it. I am feeling better tonight, thank goodness, but no vaccines for me in the future.

Thanks for listening... 

 

Warning!

 Blogger is changing some of its formats, one of which is the followers who get e-mails when I post a new post may not unless I do such and such. I have tried to follow the directions to make this work, something called a feed burner, but am not sure if it worked... ha! So if you stop getting e-mails,  please don't forget about me. I'm still here! 

Was going to post something else today, but tomorrow get my second CoVid shot. Had a not-so-good reaction to the first one, headaches for three days, so spent the day, getting stuff if order in case I don't feel well for a few days.

Later, and thanks for being a follower/reader!

Six years ago

 today I woke to the worse day of my life. My darling, my love, was gone. Dead in his bed. A tribute to the love of my life.

Where did the time go? Bob, I love you, more and more and more. As we used to say.

And love you forever.... Miss you everyday.  And thank you for being a part of my life, teaching me how to love, what true love really is... 

Just don't understand why you had to leave so soon, too soon, we were supposed to grow old together. That was the plan... My love, my darling... 

Probate ---

Whoa! Lots of comments on my last post, about probate and my sister's estate -- so thought I'd just try to clarify how it works, in Wisconsin, but possibly some other states as well.

So, some one dies. Has a will and lists an executor or representative (it's called different things in different states) in their will. In my sister's case she listed me and my father. Then in her will she just said 50/50 split as heirs to her two children, nothing for her executors. Over the years, she'd bought life insurance and had retirement funds which she put a POD on (Payable On Death) beneficiary of her two children. So those things don't have to go to probate. However a couple things, including one annuity and one bank account, she didn't do that. Also she did not specify any personal belongings to anyone, i.e. car, house, etc. Thus we must go to probate.

It costs money to go to probate. You need an attorney. You have to file with the court. There are court filing fees. You have to have an inventory of the amount of money the estate is worth, ie. hire appraisers for real estate and personal property. You have to pay this attorney. You have to pay the appraisers. You have to pay probate filing fees. And then it comes down to you have to get rid of the personal property which means hiring someone to do an estate sale. Meanwhile you have to file IRS plus Wisconsin estate taxes. In my sister's case, also her last year she was alive income taxes plus death/estate taxes.  So you hire an accountant. We also, with what little money in her non-POD accounts have had to keep paying her 2 mortgages, property taxes, house insurance, utility bills until probate is over. That money is dwindling. That is what we (executors) of the estate have to do. Right now we have been paying bills etc. through her estate account, but like I said the money is dwindling. 

Anyway, in my case, when my Bob died, the attorney's/probate/tax accountant fees total were over $16,000.  We didn't even have to appraise anything because I was both heir and executer.

So here is where my father and I stand. We have to pay the attorney, pay the taxes, pay probate filing fees, pay the appraisers, pay mortgage payments and other bills connected to the property (credit cards have been paid off already) and pay the woman who is hopefully is going to do an estate sale -- not sure because of Covid, but hopefully can have an estate sale. And hopefully that will make enough money to pay all the bills. And all this is taking time because of Covid, and no estate sales were being held, just beginning to start up in June. And don't even ask about stuff that has disappeared.... it's been a mess.

If we still owe money, the "short fall", as the attorney phrased it, it's our responsibility. Even though the heirs have already cashed out over $100,000 in insurance and annuity payments. Now that is a Wisconsin law... some states the heirs have to pay, but in Wisconsin it's the executors of the estate who have to pay all those bills.

So! That's how it works, folks, Update your wills! Leave your executors some cash. Or make up some kind of trust or POD everything you can. 

And PS: in a few days it's Bob's death anniversary and I am an emotional mess... just saying

Sticker Shock!

Whoa, just got an EOB (explanation of benefits) from my health insurance company saying I owe $18,293.23 for my hand surgeries. I tell you, nearly had a heart attack. Glad I didn't, because they probably wouldn't have paid for that either.

Of course I made many phone calls, spent hours on the phone, but looks like it's true. Didn't know my health insurance was so, excuse me, shitty. I mean, I have paid over $22,000+ in premiums, over the past several years, and when I finally need it, they have paid a measly $7500 toward my medical bills.  

Jeepers. Why bother having insurance? Trying to figure out how to get a different health insurance plan. Not easy, too young for Medicare, too"rich" for Affordable Health Care aka Obamacare.... 60 years old now...  We definitely need Universal Health Care in this country. The prices charged by hospitals and doctors are ridiculous.

Meantime, I'm sure you have heard about the gas shortage here in the south. Decided I'd better fill up the car, thankfully no lines, but $3.50/gallon. Whoa! Well, glad my car isn't a gas guzzler, filled the tank, doesn't even equate when thinking about the $ I'm going to be paying for medical bills. But still... 

Then the attorney for my sister's estate says if there is a "shortfall" i.e. there are bills left to be paid after probate me and my father as co-executors have to pay those bills out of pocket. Even though we are not heirs, who are getting money, and we don't even get so much as a damn brooch out of that estate...

And my hand still not working. Damn!

Oh well, isn't life fine....