Christmas Eve at The Pink House

One of the neighbor's passed out luminaries to everyone on the block, so last night was a beautiful scene strolling down the sidewalks with Kona on Christmas Eve:

OK, it was hard to take pictures at night and a lot came out blurry!

Yes, even me, The Grinch had them out!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Big Steps, Baby Steps, sometimes No Steps....

So my internet is still off and on -- not been able to post much -- but on this minute...

So quickly, BIG step:  A friend & neighbor (love you Sharron) picked up three bags of Bob's old clothes and took them to the thrift shop that benefits the local women's shelter....   I cried, but without her actually taking them, I don't know if I could've done it. Bagged them up about a year ago, since they have just sat there...

Another BIG step: I joined a church. You read that right. A church --  who me? Church? Me -- the recovering Catholic, former agnostic, atheist, deist, nonconformist, anti-organized religionist groups --- me? Church? Jeepers!

Though this is not the usual type of church. This is A Spiritualist Church, the Reverend is a medium.  It's a small church, maybe 7 people show up, most I've seen is 20 people, little place, kind of run down, but my kind of people and before each service starts there is a healing (reiki) if you want to do that and the service "ends" with mediumship readings --- i.e. messages from the spirit world.

Well, actually the service officially ends with everyone holding hands and singing that song that goes "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me...."  You know the one.

First time I attended, Kona was so disoriented, and so was I so she's looking at me for direction and I have no clue what to expect.  You know, Kona and I  -- we did a lot of "public access" training for her service dog license but never a church. So all through the service, when you are asked to "rise" I stand up, Kona takes that as a clue: "oh we're leaving" and starts for the door. Then I sit back down, and she's confused.

Doesn't help, the church is dog friendly (well actually that's nice but...) there is always this white dog there, who constantly barks at Kona -- and Kona gets very excited. (My anxiety control dog now needs an anxiety control dog! ha)

And we certainly never had dog training in a group of people holding hands and singing.

 Anyway, try this sometime:  Hold hands in a circle, with one of your hands in another person's and also hanging onto a leash. Your other hand is holding the person's hand on the other side of you....

 So there we are, first time attending, me and Kona (not understanding what the heck is going on) as we are singing "Let there be peace on earth, etc." I look down and see Kona sniffing the guy's crotch next to me! Ga! I try to pull her back, but mind you, I have my hand in his hand and the leash too -- so can't really jerk the dog back with her leash without jerking the guy's hand and certainly don't want to shout "NO!" mid-song, finally manage, with my foot to get Kona to look at me and she comes back, but circles behind me and the next thing I know, Kona is behind me and has her nose up the skirt of the woman on the other side of me. GA!

Fortunately, no one said anything....

And we've gone about 5 times, still getting used to it. Giving it a chance...

No steps: Still two boxes of Bob's clothes in the closet... not going anywhere soon.....

Baby step: My mother has been bugging me about putting Christmas decorations up. Haven't done a darn thing, except buy a couple of pine scented candles. It's just too sad. Bob loved Christmas decorations so much -- loved putting up the lights etc. everything about it, reminds me that he's not here... anyway

Saturday, Hillary and I went to a Victorian Christmas Stroll at a local museum (which was lovely) and, at the gift shop, I bought a Christmas tree!!

As you can see, it's a really big one! Ripley seems to like it....

Just trying to get through the holidays.....

New Dining Room (Used to be my "bedroom")

It's still a work in progress....  I want to get another chair and maybe another lamp....

My writing table

All of the framed photos on the wall are my grandfather's photos taken in the 1940's and 1950's.

Barrister's bookcase with my antique book collection, 1893 tea gown in corner.

My great grandmother's wedding dress and portrait from 1905.
My "new" 1915 Victor Talking Machine

Internet Issues

I've been having problems with internet connection:  it's there, it disappears -- I am "offline" or "no service connection", called last month, so got a new modem thinking that was problem, but still having problems.... sometimes I can get on, sometimes not. Try to log on and get a message "you are not connected to internet", check my system preferences, find I have ethernet connection but no IP address?   Huh?

Talked with Frontier tonight, and they tell me there is a problem with my connection and scheduled an appointment for a technician to come here DECEMBER 23RD!  Jeepers!  That's 22 days.... aargh... I do have sporadic internet service, I am typing this quickly to let you all know that if I don't get your messages, e-mails, etc, it's not that I'm not responding it's just my internet connection is down...

Damn!  Everything is breaking down...

Anyway.... happy freaking holidays!  

Happy Thanksgiving -- a bit late..

Hope everyone had a great day. I did, went out with Hillary and her mom and another woman who I met that day. Beautiful rooftop restaurant, view of the bay, 80 degrees -- lovely company. Thanks Hillary!

Other than that, still recovering from fractured ribs, rash and a bad cold sore.

My camera broke. Or I'd show you pics of my dining room (formerly bedroom).

My glasses broke (eyeglasses) -- went to the VisionsWorks today -- to order new ones.

Everything seems a bit broken down.

I do not especially like the holidays.

But hope you all had a great one!

My New Bedroom

Feeling a little bit better... though not completely. Ribs still hurting, not as bad, but mostly in the mornings or when I push myself too hard.  Then I developed a weird rash around my neckline... so I've been pretty much "out of it" for this past month.

Anyway, enough about me. Thought I'd share some pictures of my "new bedroom" -- a huge step for me as this room was planned to be Bob's therapy room...

My grandparent's dresser from 1932.

The pictures above the bed used to belong to Hamlin Garland's mother,
given to me by great granddaughter. They are fashion prints from the 1860's.

Bob & I found this Victorian dresser in a junk shop when we were newlyweds.

I've had these antique curtain rods since I was 20 years old!

Ripley's favorite spot on the window seat and his wicker bed in the corner.

This photo shows the "true" color of the walls... during daylight.

Finally, we are all getting used to the changes, including Ripley! Will post pictures of the "dining room" (formerly my bedroom) once I get it together -- but will have to take some time with my ribs still hurting....

When will it end?

So you all know I cracked/fractured my ribs and it's been over 4 weeks ago -- so yesterday I was feeling quite fine, after taking many many days recovering....  Thought, yes!! I'm feeling better!

By "recovering" I mean not doing much at all.  Do you know there's actually a TV station that plays nothing but game shows from the 1970's?!  Ha! That's what I've doing ...  watching too much stupid TV shows with an ice pack on my ribs...

Anyway, yesterday, felt better, decided to vacuum this house which was covered with dog/cat hair and driving me crazy --- did it, vacuumed and though my back hurt a little afterwards, still took Kona on a longer walk that evening and thought, good, back to normal --- but today woke up in sooooooo much pain in my ribs....

Damn! Thought I'd be better by now. These past weeks, I've been very depressed, prone to crying at the drop of a hat such as a catheter commercial or Medicare commercial, and I am tired of hurting and crying and feeling so alone...

Tomorrow is Halloween... and the next day my birthday... so hard without Bob...

Trying to hang in here. Happy Halloween everyone!

This Time I Really "Did It!"

You know how it is when you move into a new place, or rearrange your house, and you get bit little confused, especially at night....

So! It's nighttime here at the pink house, and I get up to use the bathroom and it's not the same direction as it used to since I changed my bedroom and as I was entering the bathroom I slipped or tripped, don't ask, it happened so fast, but turned wrong and ended up falling right into the bathtub/shower at which point I got tangled/grabbed onto (don't ask, happened so fast) with the shower curtain and tore the shower curtain down as I fell down into the tub, and not only pulled the shower curtain down, but also the curtain rod and the gizmo that holds the rod onto the ceiling came down and also broke the bracket in half that supports the road on the tile wall.

Landed sort of on my back and side, thankfully didn't hit my head, but cracked/fractured my lower rib cage and bruised myself all over....

I layed there awhile in the tub, legs hanging over the edge, trying to figure out how to get out, but somehow managed and crawled to bed and woke up in the worse pain, then saw the damage I'd done in the bathroom...  jeepers

Managed to get a handyman to come and fix the curtain.

A few days later, was finally feeling a bit better and went out to water some of my plants (as the sprinkler system still not working) and Kona was with me and I guess I wasn't watching her, because when I went to roll up the water hose I saw her eating bird seed that had fallen from the bird feeder.  Didn't think much of that, until three hours or so later when she began vomiting, and vomiting, and vomiting.... 2-3-4 finally 5 times. And there I am on the floor cleaning up dog puke, scrubbing rugs, and then on the 4th pile, beginning to dry heave, then running into the bathroom and puking my guts out which did nothing to help the healing of my ribs, I tell you, in fact, made it feel much worse.

That night, after I finally convinced Ripley to come to bed in the "new bedroom", Kona puked again this time on the cat. So was back to square one with Ripley not wanting to sleep in the "new room", can't say I blame him....

That was two weeks ago. Kona's better. The curtain rod is back up in place. Ripley finally making his way back onto the bed at night. But my ribs are still killing me. So I'm out for the count for a few more weeks. Mostly spend my days and nights with an ice pack on my ribs and watching way too much TV. A trip to the grocery store takes it out of me. So many things I need to do but just not up to it.  Even hurts to sit up at the computer for too long.

So I'm typing quick as I can...  please excuse any typos....

Did it!

Moved bedroom furniture from dining room into an actual bedroom -- whoa.... I know it doesn't sound like much, but a very HUGE step for me..... (as you probably know my bed etc. was in the dining room to keep an eye on Bob, whose medical bed, equipment, etc. was in the living room)  -- and then this "bedroom" was going be Bob's therapy room, planned on getting parallel bars, maybe a Nu-step and hire a PT to come in weekly....  So all Bob's clothes were in the closet and the door has been closed since he died....

So a BIG step for me, first emptying his clothes out of the closet, going through his clothes, crying, they went into boxes -- just stored aside -- then painting the room -- the paint job that was there was a for shit job, you could see where spots were missed, etc. Painted it a grayish blue (very calming color) Then planning the whole thing, hanging curtains and shades .... not sure if I wanted to, not sure what to do with dining room, not sure, not sure.... but finally did it --- hired a guy to help me move furniture.. and a day spent "decorating" i.e. hanging pictures, etc.... so it is now my bedroom.

More on this, and maybe some pictures, later. Right now, I am exhausted.

And Ripley doesn't want to sleep in the "new" bedroom, though Kona does follow me wherever I go,  I have to call her to bed --- but miss my Rippy-dips... in bed at night.

Happy Anniversary

25 years ago we married at the court house by a judge  -- before that we went to the mall and had our photo taken at Sears...

Happy 25th Anniversary 

My darling, my love and my life.

I love you.

Miss you.

Together forever.

And on and on

Well, Dorian is gone, thank goodness. Spent days stocking up on water, etc. and bringing things (porch/patio furniture/plants) in the house and garage and then --- taking every thing out again...  a lot of work for nothing -- though, that's a lot better than having the hurricane here, I will admit.

Thank goodness didn't hit here, and of course, my thoughts and prayers with those people directly hit by Dorian.

My goodness.

The Picture of Dorian Gray.  Kept thinking of that literary reference as the storm approached and I was glued to The Weather Channel.

Now we are looking at a storm called Humberto -- may be coming our way --- and can't help thinking about Lolita by Nabokov and the character Humbert Humbert...

Literary storms? What's with that?

Keeping my eye on it. And hoping the damn thing goes a different direction.

Meanwhile, I finally decided to move my bedroom furniture from the dining room into an actual bedroom. But that leaves the dining room quite vacant. So went out today, with Kona, antiquing.  You know, she is a good girl when antiquing, I remember the first time I took her into an antique shop and was worried that she'd wag her tail and knock something (expensive! yikes) over, but she's perfect. Heck, today, I knocked a wrought iron fireplace screen over. It was me, not her....  anyway....  that's rather sad, antiquing with your dog, but no one here to go with besides Kona and no one bothers me as she has her service harness --- so...

Kona and I went looking for a bookcase or bookshelf, that was the plan, but came home with a lamp! A very cool early 1900's table slag lamp. Hey, that how it goes when you are treasure hunting...  And it will look good on the library table I intend to move into the dining room, right now it's in my office with the printer on it and all sorts of junk, anyway --- no bookcase found today.

But! Saw a Victor Talking Machine, "high boy" just like the one I used to have and had to sell when Bob and I hit rock bottom --- always said, I'll buy another, someday --- but this one not working correctly. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but a professional Victrola restorer is going to look at it tomorrow to let me know how much it would cost to fix it, before I decide if I will buy it.

Okay -- besides that pool pump is replaced (yay! but cost $800, jeepers) sprinkler system still on the fritz, termite damage still there, garage roof still needs repair, think the termites are gone (?) then door needs repair, insulation in attic needs to be tacked back up... and furniture to be moved to put the bedroom furniture in the bedroom... and move several other pieces of furniture into dining room. Damn! It's hard to move furniture around when there is only one of you, so got to hire help.

One day at a time.

September 16th will be our 25th wedding anniversary.

Miss him so much.

I do wonder why I am still alive.

Ch-ch-changes!

So! After spending all yesterday afternoon, bringing in all my patio/porch furniture, plants, etc. -- killing my back in the process, and then setting the alarm for 6 a.m. because "the guys" said they would be here at 8:00 a.m. -- couldn't sleep a wink, kept waking up, 1:30, 2:30, 3:00, 4:00 then alarm rings, get up, showered, dressed, walked the dog and four guys show up at 8:00 a.m.

Forecast track has changed overnight. Moving away from us.

To board up or not to board up? That is the question. That they ask me.

This hurricane has been all over the place -- and Ed (leader of the crew) had told me they couldn't do it after today.

Tough spot, they put me in.

So I asked.. if it was at all possible, if this darn hurricane changes course, can they come back to board up later, Monday or whenever? And two said they could.

So, no boards up.

Then one of them says, well, we have some free time to move that furniture you wanted to move (meaning my bed, dressers, etc. from dining into bedroom) but unfortunately, I stashed all my front porch furniture and plants in the empty bedroom --- ! One guy said, well, we could move everything out of that bedroom into the garage, but I'm telling you, I'm not moving everything twice.

So right now, not doing anything, not moving anything back outside, not bringing anything more inside, just waiting and watching.

I was exhausted from moving all that stuff yesterday, fell asleep watching morning news, then my smoke detectors started beeping.  Couldn't figure out which one, thought it was the one in my office, changed that battery, then a couple hours later, heard beeping again. Had to run to the store and get smoke detector batteries as I just decided to change them all, as I know the last time I changed them at the same time and was up on the ladder this p.m. changing out batteries and figured since I had the ladder changed out all the air filters too.

I am beat.

Good news is the carpenter looked at my termite damage on the front french door and said it certainly can be patched and painted over. Don't need to replace the door.

Still nervous, but not as bad now.  But you never know with these storms, have seen them turn suddenly in the past.

Thoughts and prayers to all those on the east coast and in the Bahamas. Looks bad for them.

Boarding Up

Tomorrow the "guys" are going to board my house up for Hurricane Dorian... Honestly, think it's too early as the forecast track is all over the place, and the latest at 5:00 p.m. takes it away from us -- we may not even get anything from it...

Oh, if Bob were alive and well, we'd wait a few days... see where the track is heading, but I can't board up on my own and have rely on others...

So Ed (the guy in charge) is coming over with his men to board me up at 8:00 a.m.  He says he's got "other people" plus his own house, etc., so wants to get mine done. He says "better safe than sorry."

So I spent several hours today, in the heat, carrying porch furniture, patio furniture etc. into the garage,  some of it in the house, bringing in potted plants, plant stands, decorative items (heck! I've got too much outside, including two pairs of pink flamingos) And I am exhausted. And still haven't taken wind chimes down.

I'll either look stupid, if the hurricane goes the other way --- or smart if it hits us.

Either way, not looking forward to spending the next 3-4 days in the dark, with the house boarded up. And only one door (back door) to get in and out of here.  I've done that before -- claustrophobic.

Do have my bottled water, car gassed up, supplies, batteries, cat/dog food, peanut butter and bread for me, and of course junk food and booze for stress  --

Waiting for the storm, if it is indeed coming, here at The Pink House.

Freaking Out!

State of Emergency in Florida, the whole state as Hurricane Dorian coming our way. The tract keeps changing, back and forth, east then west, latest tract had it circling our area....

I hate this.  Went to the store today, stocked up on bottled water, as I know that's the first to disappear on the shelves. Also got dog and cat food, bread and peanut butter for me.....

Wish Bob were here. Hate going through this alone. Scared.

Everyone Reading this Please Knock on Wood!

The AC is fixed, knock on wood! Charles was here today, told me all the techs had it wrong, cut hole in my "5 ton" HVAC unit -- don't ask me what "5 ton" means, I don't think that's what it weighs, something about the about the amount of air it spews out...

Anyway, he cut a hole in the end of the box surrounding the unit and made my "5 ton" into a "4 ton" and the other one ton is now air conditioning the attic. He did that last week as "an experiment" to see if it worked.

His thought was it wasn't "cold attic syndrome" (like the other company told me and told me pull out all my insulation) but the attic was too humid, therefore the AC unit was sweating condensation which was causing the leaking through the ceiling and other problems.  So today he showed up to see how it was working, and guess what, no more condensation, no more leaking, so he put a "collar" around the hole he made to make it permanent and says I should have no problems now.

After spending over $1000 with this other company.

And Charles didn't charge me a dime. He was the guy who originally installed it and guess felt sorry for me.

So knock on wood everyone, that this works!

Big sigh of relief here. Fingers crossed. Knocking on wood. One problem solved.

And so nice to know, there are still good people out there, honest people, angels in disguise. Thank you, Charles!

Creeping Creeper

I think I've mentioned that I signed up for an online class called "Spiritual Mentorship"and it deals with a lot of mediation and connecting with your "higher self" and spirit guides and loved ones on the other side -- and it has been helpful, except the two classes before last night, I feel asleep during the mediation... and woke up after class was over, oh well.

So yesterday was another class and I was determined NOT to fall asleep. Class starts at 8:00 p.m. and I always light candles and incense to set the mood and so the house is dark except for candles, a couples lamps.

Anyway I am listening to the class and around 9:00 p.m. there is a knock at my front door. First I think I imagined it, but Kona goes nuts. She runs to the front door, barking barking barking like crazy and I'm thinking: who the hell is knocking on my front door after dark? Kona keeps barking, doing this telepathic dog to mom thing, i.e. Kona: bark bark bark bark, stop  and looks at me.  Interpretation: "Mom, someone's at the door, why aren't you answering it?" Me -- I am just frozen in  place, cause who the hell is knocking at my front door in the dark? Kona: "bark bark bark bark bark bark" and looks at me, i.e. Mom, answer the door!  but I'm still to afraid to go the door. Because I'm not expecting anyone, it's dark out there and my friends would tell me if they were stopping by or call me on the phone or yell "Hey Diane" or something, so I just stay frozen on the couch.

Meanwhile the class is going on, but I can't concentrate on it, because now it sounds like someone is walking back and forth on my front porch and Kona is barking like crazy, and I am scared shitless. I am, in fact, so afraid, the class has a online "chat" where you can type in remarks and I type that someone is creeping outside my house and I don't know what to do.  As I'm thinking, if I'm found dead in the morning at least there's a record...

Anyway, Kona settles down, lays down so, I figure whoever is gone and I get up, turn on the front porch lights, also the back yard lights, check everything is locked, then peek out and don't see anyone or anything....

Crap, I'm wondering if I should buy a gun, for self defense. I don't like guns, actually never have owned or shot a gun, but thinking buy a small gun, something cute with a pearl handle? And then I wonder if I can actually buy a gun with all these new background checks, not that I have any criminal history, but I do take Xanax and have anxiety issues and a service dog and would that disqualify me from purchasing a gun? Of course I would take "training classes" to learn how to use it....

Anyway freaking out here, at the Pink House

The Silent Blogger Returns....

Sorry, it's been so long since I've posted. Hopefully, gentle readers, you haven't forgotten me!

It's been hectic, seems like one thing after another here.... AC problems continue, first time it was a cracked drain pan which was replaced and supposed to have taken care of the problem, but the thing still leaked or shut off completely and every time I call the company, they send a different technician out with a different view/idea of what the problem is, I think six or seven have been here so far telling me everything from it's my fault for keeping the AC temp too low (69 degrees), then one says I burn too many candles, another says the drain line isn't angled correctly and repipes the drain line, but the damn thing is leaking again and/or shutting off, so I call again and the next tech says I need more insulation as the AC system is sweating and attic is too hot, but before I have time to look into that, the ceiling is leaking again, so I call again the last one says I have "cold attic syndrome" and need to pull out all the insulation....

Are you confused? I sure am. And the last time the ceiling leaked, I had the temp set at 73 degrees. And I have two candles I burn at night.... and I really haven't changed my habits at all...

Finally I gave up on that company, called the original installer who showed up and told they ALL were full of BS. And have been overcharging me, $975 + for an $80 drain pan, etc. He said keep the insulation, the attic is too hot that why the system is "sweating", he actually cut a hole in the AC compartment to air condition the attic -- that was Wednesday, he's coming back today to check if it's working  -- all this at no charge. So we'll see what happens.... but so far no new leaks and AC is working....

Then, devastating news from my writing partner, the one I met at the writer's group who kicked me out, and we've been sending chapters back and forth via e-mail as she is up north for the summer. This past week or so, her oldest son died in his sleep. She's the one writing a memoir about her youngest son's death. I feel so bad for her, it just sucks, and certainly brought a lot of "grief triggers" back for me. And she's also "out of the loop" (which I totally understand) as a writing partner for now....

So my "pressure" to keep writing came to a screeching halt.... and I seem to be "stuck" after Chapter 18. Big time writers' block.

Then the termite guy comes and finds (below) this after probing the front french doors.  I tell you, I'm near tears watching the door crumble before my eyes....

 Only good news is that it seems to be the central spot, he found two other smaller spots in other rooms, but not much damage.... and it's being treated under my warranty. I use a company that injects the wood with a mostly organic chemical.... I'm hoping I can repair the damage with putty and paint (?) and hold the door together that way.... But have to wait 60 days to make sure all termites are dead. I do not want to "tent" the house or replace the doors (they are original/antique).

Frustrating.....

Add to all this crud, keep getting scam calls, some worse than usual including a courier service calling to tell me they were coming with a court order to appear in court Friday (today)....

For what? I have no clue, but am told it's for an unpaid bill.... I called my attorney and he said "Don't answer the door." So spent last few days sneaking out the back door, stressed out, even though it sounds like a scam.

And the calls keep coming, usually I just don't answer the phone, but one morning when the phone rang at 8:15 a.m., I picked it up (pissed) said "Hello?" in a rather gruff tone and this jerk asks to speak to Robert: I scream at the guy, literally SCREAM: "DO YOU REALIZE IT'S 8 FUCKING O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND YOU ARE CALLING A DEAD PERSON????!!!!"  I don't think that one will call back.

And the "Microsoft rep" who called saying my subscription was due for renewal, that one got me concerned because last year my subscription lapsed and (thank god I backed up my ms. on a flash drive) but I lost my entire manuscript, so I did answer that one, only to find it suspicious sounding, then spent an hour trying to talk to someone at Microsoft to find out my subscription is good until Feb. and set up for an automatic renewal. They asked me to file a complaint regarding this "phishing" company, which I did. Still, shook me up a bit.

Then the pool overflowed and flooded my back yard. Ha! So I'm out in the middle of a storm, ankle deep in water trying to drain out the pool to keep my garage/apt. from flooding....

And Kona has another ear infection....

A lot of heavy rain storms, keep losing my internet connection, oh then a power outage that lasted from 10:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. one day.

Oh it's been a fun month, some days I just don't want to even crawl out of bed....

Oh, and forgot to mention the mold -- caused by the AC leaking... and me, falling off a ladder -- good thing I landed on my butt! Still hurts.

Just another day/month in paradise....

Trapped & Overwhelmed

Workers are still working all over the house, it's been like this for over two weeks, and I am soooo stressed out.

Banging, pounding, sanding, Kona barking, getting up at 6:00 a.m. everyday, not getting enough sleep, not able to write, not able to use the pool, not even able to go out my backdoor (as they are refinished the deck)....

And the more they work, the more they find that need fixing.

The price has already doubled from the original guesstimate.

Can't wait to get these guys done and out of here, so I can get back to normal.

Signs, signs everywhere there's signs...

I've been taking an online class called "Spiritual Mentorship" taught by a medium, who says we can all become a "medium" and connect with the spirit afterlife --- and OK, before any of you who don't believe, don't stop reading this yet...

So the class has a lot of mediation which I'm not great at, sometimes my mind wonders too much, other times I get so relaxed I fall asleep, but other times it works and feels good....

The teacher says if you want to know if your loved one in the afterlife is still with you to (her words) "send out a voicemail" i.e. ask for a sign --- don't expect it immediately, but it will come....

So anyway, most of my readers know that Bob and I had a song, which was "our song" by a group called Modern English and the song was called "I'll Stop The World And Melt With You". It's an 1980's song, not really popular, but it struck a cord with us, and it was always "our song", in fact I've posted a video of us dancing to it......

Anyway, so I go to the Dairy Inn which is an Ice Cream stand about four blocks away and they have "doggie sundaes" which is a cup of vanilla soft serve ice cream with milk bone treats in it. And I do go there often, so Kona can get a treat and they also have great sandwiches, so she gets her treat and I get my supper... and the other day their sign was this:

The lyrics in our song are "I'll stop the world and melt with you."  And I know this says "Stop the world and melt with us" but....

Four blocks away from home. Wow.
Certainly not a weird coincidence. I did ask the cashier (they all know us -- Kona and me) who put that sign up? and the cashier said "what sign?" and I pointed to it and he said he had no clue, it was just there one day......

And I do believe it's a sign that Bob is still with me...

Happy Birthday to my Best Girl

Sleeping Beauty

Kona's turns 8 years old! Can't believe I've had her for four years.

Happy Birthday, Sleepy-head! Guess you deserve a doggie sundae tonight!

And everything falls apart.....

Or so it seems, with the house....

This past two weeks have been hellish.  Started with a call from a carpenter I used in the past, he put in the fireplace, asking if I needed any work done.

Interesting timing, as he is a good worker and I was thinking about hiring someone.  Most of you know that Chris' son painted our house back in 2015, however he didn't do the best of job and it's been peeling in spots ever since. I have been scraping and repainting several spots already and now the peeling is getting too high for me to reach and I had been thinking about hiring someone to repaint spots that are peeling.  Also want to paint a back bedroom, which needs it badly. Was thinking about doing it myself, but with so much plaster repair etc. and suddenly I'm older and get dizzy when I am on a ladder for too long of time, thought just pay someone to do it....

So I tell him to come by and take a look at the projects.  I'm thinking he's just going to spot scrape/sand/re-paint etc. the bad parts outside. So he gets his crew over and I tell you, seems they are doing the whole damn house and every day they arrive at 8:00 a.m. and everyday I am bombarded with the noise of sanders and pressure washers and pounding and, thus, the dog barking every few minutes thinking someone's at the door or just that someone is outside messing with our house. It's so noisy I can't think straight --- forget about writing.... and I have to get up early every day, so I'm showered dressed by the time they get here...

Then, I wake up one morning and the thermostat on my AC is blank (it's digital). And we are in the biggest heat advisory yet this year and the house getting warmer and warmer, I call the AC company I use and someone comes over, discovers a cracked drain pan which is why the system automatically shut off. That service call cost $214.00 and they arrange another tech to come in a few days to replace the pan (another $975) and that tech is here in the attic from 9:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. so now I have pounding in the attic and outside....

On top of this, the outside workers have my windows sealed with plastic, so can't even open a window for fresh air...

Then I go outside to talk with one of the workers and we are standing by the fence near the pool and I think, why is the pool so quiet? Go back and check and find the pool electrical system not working. Try to check the breaker, can't get the breaker box open, have to have one of the guys open it for me, find the breaker switch tripped but it will not go back in place. So have to call an electrician to have a new breaker installed.

Get that done and the next morning wake up and the pool is shut off again. It's on a timer, so I open the timer box and switch it manually on, that works, but something's off with the damn timer...  aargh. But I manage to jerry-rig that one myself....

The next night, I wake up at 2:00 a.m. and in my half sleep/awake state I think, gee it's raining. Then I totally wake up to find it's raining on me! from the ceiling! The bed is soaked, I am soaked. I call the AC company which says it has 24/7 technicians on call for emergencies, get an answering service who says a tech will call me. And I wait and wait. I do have enough sense to turn the AC off, so finally the water stops pouring down. No one calls, so in an hour I call back and get a different person at the answering service, explain my issue and the guy says "Is this an emergency?"  WHAT? Why the hell would I be calling at 2:00 a.m. if it's not an emergency. jeepers. I don't want my ceiling caving in, for crying out loud. So he promises to call a tech, who does finally get back to me, by then it's 4:00 a.m. and he says he'll send someone out first thing in the morning (huh?) and I ask what time that would be and he says 8 a.m........

Well, I'm already up, dressed and stressed and can't go back to bed as the bed is soaked.... Do you what awful junk is on TV at 4:00 a.m.?

I get that fixed... only to find when I open the front door: termite wings. Also in the closet, termite wings... So now I have to have the termite company come, scheduled for July...

Then, yesterday, I go take my morning shower and there is no hot water. Damn! After a cold very quick shower, I dress to check if my gas on, it is. Check breaker box, everything looks okay there. I do get it open but can't get the damn breaker box closed. Go out to the water heater (it's tankless) on the side of the house, slip in a pile of dog poop! (thanks Kona) and find the guys have it taped and covered the water heater with plastic, take the plastic off -- hear the heater, it's working but the gas wasn't getting any oxygen.. ... jeezus, good thing my house didn't blow up or something!

Meanwhile, I feel trapped in this house. The guys working outside during the day, like ants crawling all over the house: pounding/scraping/sanding -- my shades pulled down for privacy, and they have all my porch furniture stacked up and tools, ladders and equipment blocking my pool, so can't get in a good swim or relax on the porch -- even now when they are gone for the weekend, but at least it is quiet today.....

I tell you, it's going to be an expensive month..... and I am stressed.  Have a great 4th of July!

Happy Solstice & Happy Birthday Zenith!

Happy Solstice which is the longest day of the year... the height of the sun and Zenith, our Siamese was born on the summer solstice.

(sorry, started writing this way before midnight, so yesterday was the summer solstice.)

Happy Birthday Zenith.

She would've been 12 years old.

Bob wanted her to have "sun" name -- we came up with Zenith as when the sun is at the highest point of sky it's called the "zenith of the sun."

Also the word "zenith" came to mean "highest" as in highest quality therefore you have Zenith radios and Zenith TV's back in the day....  and as Bob said she was "best highest quality" cat at the shelter when we adopted her. But people always asked us why we named our cat after a TV? ha!

Bob had always said he wanted a "cool" cat, a Siamese or Himalayan or some such exotic cat and I had always argued that there are too many homeless cats to buy a pure breed.... so...

One day, we woke up and there was a program on the radio that said cats were being discounted at some local shelters from an over abundance of kittens and Bob looked at me and said, "We have to go to the SPCA" as he KNEW there was a Siamese kitten waiting for him there.

Of course, I thought he was nuts, I mean, Siamese cats cost money, you don't find them at shelters unless they are older cats.... unless some owner died... but a kitten? no way, those cost money...  even the ones who aren't "show quality" cost money, at least a couple thousand bucks.  Show quality cats cost much more...   anyway

Bob was insistent, so I thought OK, we'll go and there isn't going to be any Siamese kitten but there will probably be another kitten he'll fall in love with and we will take it home.

So we go to the SPCA and look around at dozens and dozens of kittens. No Siamese.  I point out a cute striped gray one. Actually get a volunteer to take it out, so we can hold it and play with it in the "play room" at the shelter. I say, "oh what a sweet kitty, why don't we take him home?" But Bob is still insistent there's a Siamese.

So we look around again, bunches and bunches of mostly black kittens, older cats, no Siamese. A very cute fluffy black cat I convince Bob to look at, and a volunteer let's us take it into the "play room" but Bob says, "I think we  are at the wrong shelter, maybe we should go check the Humane Society." He is sure there is a Siamese waiting for him. And as the volunteer was putting that fluffy kitten back in its crate, a guy comes with a crate of kittens and right in front of us, puts the crate on the highest shelf. And we look up and there is a Siamese kitten with big blue eyes looking down at us. Eight weeks old.  Of course, we asked to see her, the volunteer actually took two kittens out, handed one to Bob (not a Siamese) and one to me (which was Zenith), and we take them to the play room where the one Bob had just runs around like crazy and the other (Zenith) just curls up on my lap and falls asleep, purring.

Of course, definitely, we adopted her.  But how the hell did Bob know she'd be there?

So you know they had a special bond... and she died two weeks after Bob.  I miss them both.

BTW: Zenith was a "Sealpoint Snowshoe Siamese" therefore the white paws....  so not a show quality cat -- but still they cost money when you buy them from breeders, I've heard $850.00 up to $1000 ... she was $25.00 included vaccines and spaying at the shelter...

And must admit, a very "cool" cat.

I tell you, they were meant to be together. I loved her too. So much.

Last week, my shrink (not my therapist) asked me why it bothered me so much about an anniversary  that a cat died?

Today marks the 3rd Anniversary of the death of my best friend, Chris

In loving memory of my dear friend. Don't know how I ever could've gotten through all the tough times without you by my side, helping take care of Bob and supporting me.  Love you, miss you, Chris! (And this is the only picture I have of Chris and me and guess I was having a bad hair day!)

Things you may or may not know about Chris:

1. She swore like a sailor but had a heart of gold.

2. If she called you "bitch" it was a term of endearment.

3. She got a tattoo to celebrate her 65th birthday.

4. She had several tattoos, one of her leg of Snoopy lying on top of his dog house with a think bubble that read "Fuck You!"

5. She wore a ring on every finger, even her thumbs.

6. Even on her tight tight budget of just a social security check, she always sent $19.99 each month to the Humane Society.

7. If you needed a friend you could count on, it was Chris.

8. She took two buses to come over to sit with Bob so I could go grocery shopping or to the pharmacy. She did this weekly for nearly 5 years without expecting or wanting a dime in exchange.

9. She was there every night when I came home from the hospital (when Bob was hospitalized).

10. When we moved into our new house, I let her live in the garage apartment for free. I'll never forget the day she stood in the back yard and said, "Thank you for making my dreams come true."

11. Whenever she was low on cash, she'd have dreams about numbers and she'd play the Cash 3 lotto and always won a couple hundred bucks, exactly the amount she needed.  Never could figure out how she did that.

12. She always told me that my only problem was I was "too nice'.

13. I miss her like hell.

This is Chewie

Chewie

Chewie is the dog I sponsored for training in Bob's memory around Christmas time. His mom/owner lost her partner (wife) in a car accident. They have a young adopted son and both mom and son are dealing with deep grief.

I chose this family to sponsor as their situation was something that I can relate too.

I'm told Chewie did very well with the training that I sponsored and his mom is considering having him advanced trained as a service/emotional support dog for her son.  I hope she does it! As I know how much Kona has helped me.

Meanwhile, I survived May.  Just a few bad moments, like waking up at 4:00 a.m. on "death day" and puking my guts out (stress).  Was glad to have something going on every day that week, Hillary and I saw "A Dog's Journey" at the theater Tuesday, death day, May 28th and shared Chinese for dinner.  Another friend, Tiffany, and I went for a long lunch on Wednesday. Thursday was therapy day and grocery shopping. And Friday, lunch with a widow friend... so kept busy and that helped.

Then it all comes tumbling down when I'm alone.....

Saturday, I spent most of the day doing some touch up painting on the house (outside) figuring manual labor may take my mind off things and Sunday, bought and planted new flowers in my window box.  Now my back is killing me! Gosh, I'm getting old.

This month will be Chris' death anniversary. Three years ago, June 14th.....  And June 24th it will be four years since Zenith (our Siamese) joined Bob.  But June is also the month, four years ago, that I adopted Kona on June 26th. She'll be 8 years old July 2nd.

And July will be Boomer's 4 year death anniversary.

Yesterday, I also bought a wind chime called "Gentle Spirits" in memory of those I loved and lost...

Can't believe how time flies.

Four years ago

Four years ago tonight, I went to bed not realizing I'd wake up the next morning to find Bob gone and my whole world forever changed.....

Sweetheart, thanks for the memories. Love you, miss you, always.

RIP: my beloved: 1/16/59 - 5/28/15

Bob & Me: Happy Times

Tomorrow my dear friend, Hillary and I are going to a movie, so I can just get out of the house. My therapist, who knows Reiki healing, said she would send me "healing and strength" from a distance. My goal: make it through the day....  esp. the morning....

Oy May

This has been a bad month for me. I know, May is supposed to Springtime, the end of the school year, Memorial Day weekend and hence the beginning summer...

It's also "death month" and May 28th will mark 4 years that Bob has been gone.

Doesn't seem that long ago, seems like just yesterday, seems like a hundred years ago...

I admit, this year I'm not really dealing with it well.

Feels like I've taken 10 steps backward. Feels like the first days/weeks/months after he died. Brain fog. Talking to myself. Misplacing things. Forgetfulness. Exhausted. Unmotivated. You name it, I got it -- all those numbing grief symptoms, including insomnia, nightmares, the inability to concentrate, nauseated, shakiness, puking in the morning, panic attacks ... just want to sleep all day.

Doesn't help that my writing partner just went back north for the summer. She at least kept me motivated to keep writing as we would meet bi-weekly and I would have to have a new chapter in hand.

Doesn't help finally got all that estate paperwork done and over with (which is good, but all the talk of death that went along with it was rather depressing.)

Didn't help when I went to the bank to close out my security deposit box, the sign-in sheet had a BIG RED STICKER at the top of it proclaiming: ATTENTION: ROBERT IS DECEASED. And I had to look at that while filling out the paperwork to close the box....

This year, May 28th is the day after Memorial Day. So doesn't help these constant "Memorial Day Sale" advertisements bombarding me daily, reminding me the anniversary is coming soon.

May also marks the beginning of Hurricane Season, which certainly doesn't lift my mood.

So, May sucks. Grief sucks. What can I say?

I did sign up and am taking Spiritual Mentoring class online that started this month with the hope it will help me, especially this month. This class is supposed to help students find inner peace, our pathway and deal with grief, anxiety, etc. Two classes down so far, a lot of meditation -- which I'm not good at, but I am trying. Last night's class was on "awareness", "being present in the moment" and also a part on numerology -- finding our "higher self" and "purpose" through our birthdates -- interesting, cause my number (1) matched how I used to be (i.e. determined, confident, creative, unconventional, leadership -- to name few), except now I seem to be stuck on the "shadow side" of my numbers (stuck, lack of confidence) ...  I asked the instructor how one gets out of the "shadow side" and she told me to do three "Higher Self Awareness" mediations each week, and she'll check on my progress next class.

Working on it. Best I can.

Ghost Cat!

I swear this is not a "woo woo" post! I've actually had this little visitor on my porch several times, and in my backyard. He has a collar and tag so when he first showed up, I called the number on the tag to see if someone has lost this cat... turned out to "belong" to a neighbor across the street, however, they had only just adopted it, as it followed them home one night.....

At the same time, someone on our Neighborhood website posted they were looking for a lost tuxedo cat, and I thought, well, it might be this cat. So I messaged the person and told them we had a similar cat found in our neighborhood and I would try to get a photo of him the next time he showed up.

Which was the other night. So I went into the house to get my camera and darn it, if that cat didn't waltz right in after me. I picked him up and put him back on the porch, retrieved my camera, took the above photo, and as I'm taking my camera back into the house, this cat tried to follow me in. I caught him, at the doorway and nudged him back, gently, with my foot onto the porch and shut the door.

Coming out of my office, I see this cat sitting in the middle of the living room! I have no clue how he got in, I'm positive I shut the door. I'm positive he didn't sneak past me. I saw his head as I shut the door. I say (to the cat) "How the hell did you get in here?" and he quickly dashes under my sofa.

I look under the sofa, so I can grab him, but he's disappeared. Not there. In fact, I don't see him anywhere -- didn't see him run out from the under the sofa --- am I losing my mind??  I walk around house and finally find him in my office, with Ripley (our cat) and the two cats are just sitting quietly staring at each other.  Which is also very weird.  Not like Ripley at all, to act this way....

Well, I scooped up the black cat and took him back outside.  I tell you, a few nights ago, he was in my back yard which is totally fenced in with 6 foot privacy fence and I couldn't figure out how he got back there, but I picked him up (he's very friendly) and took him into the front yard, set him down, and before I turned around, I saw him go into the neighbor's yard and he simply vanished between the fence and their house.... at the time, I looked for him, I mean where did he go so fast? Did he jump the neighbor's 6 foot fence into their backyard? It was the only conclusion I could come up with, and I thought man, that cat can jump and he's fast.  Now I wonder...

This cat is either a ghost cat who can walk through walls and fences and doors or he has magical powers. He certainly had Ripley hypnotized.

Also, he doesn't seem to have a care in the world, Kona barks her head off at him when he comes into our yard, and the cat just walks right by her. Fearless, this cat. And very strange....  though, I must admit, he is a handsome devil....

PS: He wasn't the "lost" cat in the ad.

The Fence, The Latch, The Drill & Me

So the other day, I went to open my side gate, a gate that separates the front and back yard, and the darn latch will not open. I try, and try, and try, and the damn lever thing will not lift over the damn  bracket thing (those are technical terms, by the way. ha!) and I thinking, what the heck?

The G-D Latch!

I don't use this gate often, but use it when I need to fill the pool as the hose is on the side of the house. So maybe the thing is just rusted.

I search the house for WD40, finally find the can, can't find the darn top, search for that, find that and go out and spray the crap out of the latch -- but the thing still will not budge.  I spray it again and jiggle and wiggle it and finally pushing down with all might, I get the darn gate open. But when I try to close it, it will not close.... as now the lever will not go into the bracket.

I'm looking at it and thinking, maybe the wood on the gate has warped a bit and that's why it won't latch like it used to -- so how to fix this? Perhaps, I can move the bracket down a tad so that the lever can easily maneuver into the bracket. The bracket has two screws, so should be easy --- right?

Wrong.

 Meanwhile, since the gate is open, I run the hose to the pool to fill it. Then I go into the house to find a Phillips screw driver and my cordless drill, go back to the gate, try to unscrew the screws, first by hand, no luck, then by using my cordless drill which has screw bits.  This works slightly, getting the first screw halfway out, but then shreds the head of the screw so there are no longer any slats in it, just a large hole.  Oh-kay.

I go back into the house digging through the toolbox for some tool that will help me remove the broken screw and decide on a claw hammer and figure I'll pull it out as one would a nail. Go back outside, after several attempts, manage to yank that sucker out, but split the wood on the fence post in the process....

By now I'm ready to pull my hair out.

But I proceed, go into the house, get a smaller screw bit and manage to get the second screw out without stripping it. So far, too good. Now it's time to drill pilot holes for the new screws a tad lower than the old holes. So I switch the screw bit out for a regular drill bit and begin drilling a new hole, not realizing that the drill is on reverse and wondering why it's smoking like hell....

Figured that out, reversed the drill, drilled again, then tried to screw in a new screw, and the darn screw goes halfway in and stops and refuses to budge.  AAAARGH!  So I unscrew it, get a bigger drill bit, re-drill the hole, try again and finally, whoopee -- The first screw is in! Yay, me.

Onto the second screw. While I'm drilling the hole, the drill bit jams and gets stuck and simply detaches itself from the drill. Now I have a drill bit, stuck half in and hanging half out of the fence post. And I can't seem to get the damn thing out, each time I fit the end of the bit into the drill, clamp  the drill shut around it, turn on the drill, the drill just slides off.

By now I'm ready to get god damn sledge hammer and knock the whole fence down, I'm so frustrated. I'm yelling in my head, "God damn it Bob, where are you when I need you? How could you leave me alone like this!!! Give me some help here, hey!!!!" Because, damn, he could've (pre-stroke) gotten this job done in 5 minutes and so far it's taken me 45 minutes and I'm dripping with sweat and still screwing around, literally.

Deep breath.

Try again, fit the bit into the drill, clamp it shut, turn it on, and the bit comes out like magic. I screw in that last screw without any trouble and when I shut the gate, the latch slides into the bracket perfectly. Ta da!

Then I look at the pool and wonder why hasn't it filled up? The hose has been in there for 45 minutes, for crying out loud. I check the hose and only a dribble is coming out of the nozzle and I follow the hose and find a kink in it.

I tell you, doesn't this sound like an episode from I Love Lucy?

Tornado Warnings, Storms, High Winds...

Stressful day, today  --  big storm, thunder, lightening, wind gusts 49 miles/hour, tornado warnings    ---spent the day on the couch cuddled up with Kona. (Ripley hiding in closet.)

Funny, I used to enjoy storms...

Bob loved a good storm.  Used to feel safe, during a storm, when inside hearing the rain and wind outside, safe and warm inside.

Not anymore... freaked me out. Shaking, stressed, crying...

What is wrong with me?

Thankfully, all is calm now.

Warning: Another "woo-woo" post -- don't read, if you don't believe

I signed up for another webinar with a local medium, Jennifer Farmer, and it was called "meditations and connections with the spirit world" or something like that -- cost $19.99 -- so I'm thinking that's not much, and signed up...

Problem, when my desktop computer monitor died  -- I got a new one and didn't realize (I am frugal) that the cheap one I bought doesn't have a camera in it, so can't do a webinar from my desk computer, BUT I have an I-pad which does have camera so have to transfer from the desktop to the I-Pad on a ZOOM app...  anyway... not the first time I did this, but often problematic, so I wanted to make sure I could join the webinar and transferred the "code" to my I-Pad and found the "meeting" about 45 minutes before the webinar was to take place.  Left my I-Pad on a charger, with the Webinar meeting on Zoom, figuring I'd just punch "join" at 7:00 p.m. when the webinar started.

So there I am, getting ready for the webinar, in my living room, I light some candles, light some incense (sage), turning off lights, setting the mood for the meditation and as I'm doing this, in my living room, I hear this disembodied voice -- out of no where, saying "DIANE, ARE YOU THERE?"

OMG, I stop in my tracks.

Freaked out --  is someone in my house? I freeze, look around, nothing.

And then I think, oh, it's probably my answering machine. So I go to the phone but there's no call on my phone.. and ... I hear again, same voice, "DIANE? CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

WTF? I'll looking around, totally freaked out - but finally figure out the voice is coming from my I-Pad in the other room -- and I go there and see Jennifer Farmer's face on my I-Pad, saying again "Diane, are you there?"

Oh-kay, I pick it up and manage to type in "yes, I'm here."

Evidently, I was the first one to "log in" on that webinar and she saw me logged in -- said she was doing "sound check" and asked to me to help her with it, first tell me if heard her (yup) and then speak back to her (tried, but had to do some unmute thing) and then asked me click the "chat" box see if that worked, then the Q & A box, see if that worked, and then even asked me what "background" I preferred for her webcast.  At one point, I wrote on the chat (when she asked me check it) "You scared me to death." and she got the message said, "What did you think? I was ghost?" And I reply "yes!" Anyway -- Wow

So the Webinar started, she did a power point presentation about "signs" from the afterlife, and then did some questions and answers and did a beautiful mediation -- which left me in tears --- then did some readings for participants, and while she was doing readings -- I'm asking Bob, Hey, tap her on her shoulder, get her attention! I want to hear from you!

And near the very end, I see Jennifer looking at her shoulder, then saying, "Diane? Sound-check girl? Are you still with me?"

And I can't seem to find how to "unmute" myself, and she's saying"Diane, soundcheck girl? You still here? Someone here wants to talk to you."

 So I'm frantically trying to "unmute" myself --  And then she says, "Guess not, guess she's gone."

While I'm frustratedly trying to "unmute" myself and can't --- so tapped onto chat and wrote "I'm here!"

And she says, "Good!" and finally I managed to "unmute" myself, and she says, "There's someone here who keeps bugging me, a bossy guy, saying 'You're not getting past me' -- a man whose saying "I'm getting to talk to her no matter what! She helped you with the soundcheck."  And then she says, "I think this is your husband? Is your husband on the other side?"

I say, "yes"

She says, "Man, he's stubborn. He's like poking me in the shoulder saying, 'hey sister, she did your sound check, least you can do is let me say a few words.'" And she laughs, and says, "Okay, do you understand -- he says there was a recent passing, someone in his family, this year?"

I say, "Yes." Bob's uncle Dick died this year.

She says, he's acknowledging this --- and then she says, "Your husband was a smoker? yes?"

I say, "yes"

She says, "And he was ill for a long time and you took care of him."

I say, "Yes." (though I didn't think of him as 'ill' but disabled.)

She says, "He thanks you for taking care of him."

And she sort of cocks her head, like listening or seeing something, then she says, "He's showing me dogs for some reason, but all big dogs. Lots of big dogs." She actually looks a little confused, then she says, "Do you have a big dog? Or a big dog on other other side?'

I say, "Well, both."

She says, "He keeps showing big dogs, and he's talking about dogs, big dogs -- a lot of dogs, dogs and dogs and dogs..." she drifts off listening, then she says, "He's telling me to tell you to forget about boyfriends, he's telling me dogs are safe for her, she's happier with dogs, especially big dogs. He's telling me, you just need a big dog in your life. OK?"

"OK" -- and it's true, I love a Big dog, the bigger the better. In fact, when I got Kona, I kept looking at her (labarador retriever) and thinking, god, you are sooo short.  I was used to Boomer, who was taller, bigger.

Then she says, "He's showing me he was cremated. Right?"

"Yes"

"He says it's okay to spread some of his ashes about."

I'm like oh-kay -- but his ashes are in the Philco radio (I didn't say that) she continues and says:

"Now he is talking about how some people treated you after he passed and he is apologizing for his family members on how bad some of them treated you and, he says, you didn't deserve that and he's sorry that happened. Does that make sense?"

I say, "Oh yes."

She says, "Again, he says you didn't deserve that. They disrespected you."

I say, with tears in my eyes, "He didn't deserve it either."

She says, "He says he knows, he apologies for their behavior, says isn't wasn't right, you never deserved it  --  and now he says, 'I love you.' and he says "I'll always be with you" and he sends you a kiss."

And then she ended the webinar.

And all you non-believers, (if you are reading this and didn't heed my warning) OK, husband? yeah could be a guess, smoker, that too. That he was "ill" and I took care of him, well, maybe applies to many people. Cremation? yeah, that could apply to lots of people.

But, BIG dogs? Not everyone likes big dogs, in fact I have a friends who prefer small dogs and know people who prefers cats  I know people who don't even like dogs.  I love BIG dogs, always have had big dogs, you'll never find me with small dog, though I do like small cars!

OK, if (IF that is a big IF she ever saw my blog, or my Facebook page, she might know I have Kona) --

But his family treating me like shit after he died?  That's not a normal situation.  Hey, that couldn't have come from anyone but someone who knows me very well. Or Bob (watching from the other side)-- I didn't blog about that ... I was in so much shock when he died, so lost,  -- but they did -- some of Bob's family --- treat me like shit: calling me a BITCH on social media, saying they were glad they didn't have deal with me anymore --  calling my tribute to Bob a "15 minute joke" -- and jeepers, punching someone (me) whose already drowning --

And then, she (the medium)  actually didn't have to say anything to me -- I was just the "soundcheck girl" and one of many who paid $19.99 for the webinar.

He is still with me, and I believe.

This Blog has been quiet again....

AARGH!  Sorry, about this quiet blog.

Just two quick frustrating things:

 First we got "killer dogs" in our neighborhood. Three weeks ago, a neighbor, five houses away, was in her front yard with her little dog, weighs about 3 lbs, when two loose dogs knocked her over (she is elderly) grabbed hold of her dog and tore it to pieces in front of her.  A neighbor heard her screams, came out, yelled, chased the dogs away, but too late for the little dog, it died.  Animal Control and police were called, but no one found the dogs. Or the owners of the dogs. They are not strays, one has a collar...

Other incidences in the neighborhood of dog attacks -- two dogs, same description.  Attacking both people and other dogs.  I've bought pepper spray (had to hunt for it) and now walking Kona (holding onto pepper spray) is not a relaxing walk to do -- it's poop, pee, go home, quickly, anxiously looking down every street, alley, corner...  I honestly don't know if Kona is a fighter -- what she would do if attacked?-- especially by two dogs.  My old Boomer, well, he would be the last dog standing. But Kona, she's a more mild tempered dog...  worry worry worry

Then, I've been trying to draw up a new "estate plan" as Bob is gone and things have changed, so paperwork needs to be changed, and wanted to set up a new Will or as my financial advisor said to set up a Living Trust -- and I want especially to set up something for my pets -- because if I die I don't want Kona and Ripley sent to a shelter or worse, want them to be cared for and the money there to care for them -- anyway I got some references, picked an attorney, had a consult, and another one, then gave them money to set up said Trust, that was at the end of January -- but seems like I'm just getting the run-around -- back and forth e-mails, sending me documents that look like a Will not a Trust and questions not answered, or only partially answered,  phone calls not returned, changing lawyers on me (same firm, but different lawyer with differing opinions), and me -- just confused totally about the whole thing, aargh, legalese and what does it all mean hereto, whereas, blah blah etc., you know what mean ... anyway, have an appointment tomorrow to meet with attorney again, had to get almost aggressive to get an appointment with the initial attorney I met with ---  wish I'd never gave them any money or would just switch attorneys, feel like an idiot for doing so, but hopefully get it figured out tomorrow  Been preparing -- got to be a bitch, if I have too, and get it done.  Wish me luck.

Meantime, been writing on the book..  plus Kona got bit by (we think) a spider, got an infection, so meds, vet visits, etc.  -- so busy busy busy.

Oh, guess that's four things, not just two.

More later.  Frustrated.

And wish they'd catch these damn loose dogs.  What's wrong with people?

Blooming Surprise!

Years ago, and I mean years ago, Chris gave me a Christmas Cactus and also bought one for herself.

Her's died, shortly afterward, but mine kept on going.

She'd often comment on it, (i.e. "That thing is still alive?") and it bloomed every single year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Until Bob died. Then Chris died. And it hasn't bloomed since, until -- wow, this week!

Two blooms, just two, but that's good enough for me. One for Chris and one for Bob.

Sorry, this blog has been so quiet, believe me I have a lot stories to tell and have been meaning to blog, but my book seems to be taking up most all of my free time....

The other day, I went to lunch with a widow friend, and we happened to have lunch next door to an antique mall where Bob & I used to have a booth, and I mentioned that to my friend, and wistfully said, "I still miss him."

And she said, "Wouldn't Bob want you to be happy?"

Which caught me off-guard, I mean, I didn't say I was unhappy. I wasn't crying or sobbing, just said that I "miss him." And you know, I'm writing now, and happier than I've been in a long time, because writing makes me happy, it's been my lifelong dream to be a full-time writer, and especially "happy" on a good day when the writing just seems to flow.

What is this "happy" I'm supposed to be? Jumping for joy? Dancing the night away? Laughing like a maniac? Drinking wine in bars? Dating? I don't get it, I really don't know....

I tell you, this blooming cactus makes me very happy. Two blooms, just two, but that's all I need.

Getting Back to "Normal"

Had a great long weekend with my dear friend Shirley, her daughter, Nicole, and the two girls, Emma and Jenna, who enjoyed the pool! While we (the adults) sat on the deck with our adult beverages.

Emma and Jenna

Then went to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium and saw Winter, the famous dolphin with the prosthetic tail from the movie "A Dolphin's Tale" and also had a "Behind the Scenes" tour of the rescue group's facility.  Interesting, but a lot of steps, up and down. A lot hallways, a lot of walking.

We also went on a rather bumpy catamaran boat ride in the Gulf.  

All in all a fun visit!

 Now I am exhausted and my nose is rather sunburnt.... add: a week of cleaning getting ready for the visit, preparing "guest cottage" etc. and then mix, all that site seeing, walking, late nights, etc.,  and afterwards, laundry, putting things away, etc..... I am beat: legs hurt, feet hurt and not to mention the sunburnt nose!  Jeepers, must be getting old here.  Spent nearly all of Tuesday sleeping....   

But worth it.  It was so nice to catch up with my friend Shirley, we go back 20 + years.  Nice to have company.  And I know they all enjoyed escaping the cold Wisconsin winter.

And time to "get back to normal" (whatever that is).

This is "Hope" not "Winter", as Hope got closer to us, she is
Winter's companion.  Love that dolphin smile!