Happy Winter Solstice!

 Today is the winter solstice, tomorrow I go in for a follow-up for my second surgery, which went well as far as the doctor got all the pins out of my hand, but I tell you, this second surgery hurts more than the first... Glad to the have the cast off, but now my hand and wrist is wrapped up tight with gauze and ace wraps.  I have been wiped out, unable to do much. Of course have to feed the critters, do the essentials, laundry, take the garbage out, load the dishes, that's about it. I instacart all my groceries, have them delivered, have to rely on friends to drive me to appointments, can't walk the dog, swim, write much at all --- feeling like a trapped rat.

My house is covered with dog/cat hair, dust and dirt. Some days don't have energy to wash my hair. Been binge watching Supernatural episodes, spending most of my time on the couch with my hand propped up to reduce the swelling, Kona always by my side, Ripley too at night.  Can't believe I've been laid up with this broken hand since September. Seems like a million years...

Still dealing with my sister's estate -- a mess, let alone the grief and guilt. Hospitals and doctors billed my insurance wrong, so that's a mess too, more paperwork, phone calls, etc. Can't sleep at night...

Good news is my father feeling much better, my nephew is staying with mom and dad helping them out.

Last Christmas

What a difference a year makes.....

Wishing everyone Happy Holidays and hopefully a better New Year.

Prayers Answered

 Happy to report, my father's surgery went well and he is recovering. Thanks all for your prayers, support, hugs, white light, phone calls. I feel like I can breathe again..... 

Though not looking forward to surgery next week.

Prayers Needed

As I type this one handed post, my father is undergoing surgery for a brain bleed after a fall. He is 84 years old, I am worried sick, so anyone reading this please send payers, white light, healing energy, positive thoughts

appreciate it 

Sliced and Diced

 And still have to go back for a second hand surgery, December 16th. At 5:20 a.m. Of all times...

The doc sliced my hand open in the office (those famous words) "you might feel a little pinch" --- YOW! I screamed so loud, I'm swear the whole clinic heard me, and he still couldn't remove all the pins, though he certainly seemed to dig around enough. So now has to surgically remove the rest.

So another surgery, another Covid test, then another follow-up on the 22nd, more bills... 

And my hand still hurts like hell.... in fact hurts more than after the first surgery....

At least the cast is off. Just wearing a bandage. 

Thanksgiving

By now, most of you have eaten the turkey or whatever you do to celebrate this day, counting your blessings, etc.

Me? Well fuck the pilgrims! Not feeling very thankful, thank you very much. Pizza tonight.

But thought I should post something, since I haven't in so long... this one handed typing is not easy and it wears me down, I'm sure many stroke survivors can relate! But then everything wears me down... this hand of mine hurts so much, sometimes I can actually feel the pins sticking through my fingers.,,,

But I thought I'd list some things to be thankful for: my parents who call daily, my friends who have helped me through this ordeal by picking up prescriptions, taking me to appointments, talking to me on the phone, and picking up stuff from the store -- can't get everything on instacart!... all things I can't do as I can't drive. I won't say I didn't try the driving thing, but learned fast how much one needs two hands -- backing up, turning the wheel. Man, was I in pain when I got home. OK, and thankful to have a home, etc. Many don't.

And of course Ripley and Kona! Who keep me company and never fail to make me laugh. I always knew Ripley was the culprit when I would find open cabinet doors, things strewn about the floor when I came home, but finally saw him in action, when I heard a noise and caught him red handed, or should I say red pawed? His head in the cabinet, stuff on the floor and when he saw me, he turned into NINJA CAT, I kid you not, flipping on his back, kicking the door closed with his hind legs and scrambling off like the cat burglar he is.  Or when both of them wanted to be on the couch with me, but evidently not room so Kona just plopped herself on top on the cat and all I see of poor Rip was his ears, "airplane ears" (you know ears stuck out straight like airplane wings) and very pissed off blue eyes. Flat as a pancake under an 80 lb. dog. Had to do a rescue on that one. 

Hopefully, will be feeling much more grateful next week. Doctor's appointment Dec. 3rd. to hopefully remove the cast, which is dirty, stinky, irritating, uncomfortable.....  and if all goes well, my hand healed enough, maybe I can get rid of the cast and finally vacuum the floor! Wash my hair, daily! Ditto take a shower! Swim! Walk the dog! Pick up the cat! Tend my gardens! And just do simple things like this post without so much pain and being so exhausted afterwards...... 

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

The Big Six - Oh!

 Today I turn 60 years old.....  kind of a shock ... still typing one handed... still in a lot of pain...  so just another day....   except a friend is bringing me a shrimp dinner tonight, so one thing to look forward to.

Sorry this blog has been so quiet.  I push myself to do little things, and I end pushing too hard and then I have to take a pain killer and just relax.

Kona and I are turning into two old fat ladies!

another update

Went to the doc today -- he said my x-rays look good... healing well, then put my hand/wrist in a fiberglass cast which I have to wear for 8 weeks....  EIGHT WEEKS!!!!!  GA!

What ever did I do to deserve this?

Pink! At least it matches the house..... 

quick update

surgery went well, no screws, just pins....  in a lot of pain....  can't do shit with my hand wrapped up like a baseball attached to my arm...  see the doc on tuesday for follow-up...  still can't wrap my head around my sister's death, doesn't seem real...  nothing seems real

taking it day by day

sorry about this one handed typing 

Surgery Tomorrow

 The doctor is going to pin and screw my hand back together..... I am not looking forward to it, to say the least.  Scared shitless...... Wish me luck!

feels so bad

excuse me for trying to type one handed....  spent the last week or so preparing tp travel to Wisconsin for my sisters' funeral, paperwork, (letters from vet/shrink) hoops to jump getting Kona on board as a service dog, not to mention buying new luggage bag that fits new carryon rules, getting approval for kona's meds-- are liquid --- everything lined up with travel agent etc. a cat sitter for Ripley, half packed, ready to go on Monday, and I then I slipped and fell.... 

didn't think much of it that the time. But a day or so later, my wrist and hand are swelling up...  didn't think much, just put on some ice on it, went to the drug store and bought wrap/brace,  finally today too much to bear, my hand swollen so much that my wedding ring causing that finger to get bluish black, went to clinic today, got x-rayed.... turns out broke my hand's megacarpule-something bone plus splintered fractures in my wrist, doc said. you really did one to yourself.  Put temporary splint on it --- wants me for a follow up in 3 days with an orthopedic doc... might need surgery... which is my sister's funeral service date, asked the doc if I could wait until I return and she said I would be risking serious permanent damage if I waited that long..........

 feel so bad emotionally, but it hurts so much and don't want to take the chance of long term permanent damage to my arm, fingers etc, and can't even imagine handling luggage and kona and my arm in this splint...  so have to cancel the trip. hurts to let my family down....... i do feel so bad. physically and emotionally 

26 Years Ago

 Was the happiest day of my life. 

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life, my husband in heaven, Bob.

Today is also a sad day... my sister, Karen, passed away sometime last weekend and found deceased in her bed on Monday...  Still in shock.

I tell you, grief sucks.

That's my sister, the blonde next to Bob. The other woman is her friend Pat.

Another Project Finished!

And I do hope it's the last one.... seems this house always has something going wrong with it.

Anyway, back in February I noticed my coffee maker was leaking. I got a new, the old the one left a stain which I tried to scrub out without much luck, but figured, what the heck, whose going to be looking under the coffee pot?

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the kitchen about a month ago and saw this:

 Of course this photo was taken  after I removed everything from wooden countertop. You can see where the buckled portion is lifting up the portion by the stove.

So I got a carpenter over here to take a look and he didn't think a leaky coffee pot could do such damage.... which made me better. But then he wasn't sure if he could fix it.... which made me feel bad.

After all, the kitchen was redone only 5 years ago. The wood for the countertop I was told was recycled from a 100 year old building.

The carpenter wasn't available right away but finally came over last week to look at it again and said he thought he could fix it.  The key word being "thought".

He pulled the countertop off and was surprised that nothing was holding it down. No screws. No glue. It was just sitting there, by gravity I guess.

He took some measurements and took the thing to his work shop on Thursday, leaving me living like this all weekend.

Meanwhile, he was going to try to clamp the wooden boards to "unbend" them, then glue them and add supports to keep the boards together. Fingers crossed this would work. And if it did, he'd sand and finish it before bringing back over to my house.

On Monday, he and his worker came back to re-install. The countertop looked great. I couldn't believe it. But when they tried to put it in, it didn't fit! Turns out the contractor who installed the cabinets didn't have the corner properly squared and as the carpenter added support boards, it wasn't fitting. They messed around with it all morning Monday, even going as far as carving a hole in the plaster, but it still didn't work, leaving me with one overnight mess.

Not to mention tired. I'd gotten up at 5:00 a.m. that day because they were coming early in the morning. And now I'd have to get up at 5:00 a.m. again, the next day (today), as they were coming back with different tools including a saw and a sander.

And it finally worked.

BIG DIFFERENCE!!!!

I can't believe he only charged me $311.00!

Now I have to wait until it dries as they put a final coat of stain on it after it was installed. I didn't even see them do it, as I fell asleep on the couch while they working.

They had to wake me up when they finished.

After it dries, I'll be touching up the paint in the corner and putting back my stuff, i.e. coffee maker, canisters, spice rack etc... And making sure the coffee pot never leaks onto the wood countertop again, though the carpenter said it was more of a problem with the way the original contractor did the job, as a leaky coffee pot shouldn't have caused that kind of damage....

Well, I will be glad to have my kitchen back very soon!

Open Caregiving

It always amazes me how people "come across" my blog. Folks googling things like "caregiver stress" and I pop up! Or "how to wash hair in a wheelchair?" and there I am!

Recently I was contacted by Ben, who has a blog called "Open Caregiving", who also stumbled upon my blog and he asked me if I'd share my caregiving story with his readers. When I said I'd be glad to help, he sent me several questions to answer for my "story".

So I answered his questions and submitted my article.

You can read it here: https://www.opencaregiving.com/stories/you-can-do-it-all-you-need-is-love

I must say it was hard to revisit those caregiving days, I was nearly in tears when I finished writing that article. But if it helps or inspires anyone, it's well worth it.

I also must say it does my heart good, after he read the article and wrote "What an inspiring and heartfelt story to read. It is an amazing honor to read the personal story of a great writer like yourself..."   He also chose the title. Which is sweet.

Ben's site is called Open Caregiving and you can find other caregiver's stories at https://www.opencaregiving.com

One Fine Day

I have books piled all over the house and a bad habit of buying books, starting to read them, never finishing one before starting another. When I went to the dentist last month, I knew I'd be sitting in my car waiting to be called in, so I grabbed a book off a pile titled "Soul Sensing", which I thought was one of those "your soul plan" type books, but once I was in the parking lot waiting, I picked up the book only to read the subtitle which is "How to Communicate with Your Dead Loved Ones." Oh.

I opened the book to where I had bookmarked it and began reading. The author was talking about how our loved ones send signs from the other side, but we often don't recognize them. Or believe it's them. She had an "exercise" in which said you can call on your dead loved ones and ask for a sign. She warned when you do this, use the person's name, as you don't want invite some other spirit into this realm.

I've been feeling quite lonely and decided to try this out. So one day, I was getting ready to go for a swim and I asked Bob, by name, to please give me a sign so that I would know he's still with me.

As I stepped into the pool, the first thing I saw was a dead frog. This isn't unusual. I often get these little brown frogs in my pool which I try to scoop up and let them go in the garden. But this one was quite dead, floating upside down, legs spread out. Poor thing. I didn't really want to swim with a dead frog, so I scooped it out and the minute I pulled his lifeless body out of the water, he flipped over and looked me square in the eye. He was alive! Then he jumped off my hand, and began hopping the wrong direction, toward the house and I said, "Hey, you're going the wrong way!" And believe me, I'm not lying, but that frog turned around, came back to me and jumped into my hand. I carried him to the garden and he hopped off onto a leaf. Now that was pretty strange, but a "sign"?

I went ahead with my swim and at one point, as I came up from a deep underwater dive, I heard all the wind chimes on the deck chiming. All of them. Now it takes a strong wind to get them all going at once as some are pretty heavy and others, far back. I stopped, listened and watched all the chimes swaying, but I felt no breeze at all. Then I noticed there was no wind in the tree branches above me. And the chimes on garage were not moving. Then the chimes suddenly stopped. Weird. But was that a "sign"?

After my swim, I decided to linger on the edge of the pool and do some deep breathing meditation, asking Bob again for a sign. I closed my eyes and counted my breaths for a while. When I opened my eyes, there was a strange tiny sea shell swirling by my feet, about the size of a nail head. Really strange. In fact, until I picked it up I thought it was a bug, looked like a small eyeball (white round thing with a dark round center) but as I examined it I realized it was a snail shell. I've had many frogs and one snake (aack!) but never a snail in my pool. As I was examining it, trying to figure out if it was a snail or just an empty shell, two more shells began swirling around my feet. So I scooped those up, examined them, one looked like there might be a creature inside it, so I carried the three shells and laid them in the garden. Was this a sign?

When I went to put my cover-up on, something landed on my bare shoulder. I looked down and saw a ladybug, which I tried to flick gently off with my finger. The ladybug wouldn't move. I tried again and it landed on my finger. So I took that, too, to the garden where it flew onto the leaf that the frog hand leapt on (but by now disappeared.) Was the ladybug a sign?

Once in the house, I took my after swim shower and when I got out of the shower, dressed, the radio started playing "our song". You know the one by Modern English: "I'll Stop The World and Melt with You", it's the one I have the video of Bob & me dancing to. Now, that was a sign.

I tell you, I danced down the hallway, twirling to that song, nearly twirled myself into the wall. Because, after all, Bob certainly followed through with enough signs to assure me that he still visits me. 

Later that night, I checked my e-mail to find a "Order Confirmation" from e-bay and thought, what? I didn't order anything on e-bay. Checked my e-bay account and sure enough there was an order for the original 1912 edition of The Sinking of the Titanic, a book I used to own and sold at our antique shop and regretted it. I didn't remember buying this, but e-bay says I did and I checked the invoice and it was ordered at 5:00 p.m. an odd time, as I'm usually walking the dog and getting supper ready, not buying things on line. Plus I vowed to keep expenses down and not buy anything unnecessary this month because of all the house repairs I've been dealing with.... Was that you, Bob? Or am I having black-outs? Thank goodness the book was only $38.00.

That night, I woke up around midnight to the sound of the click clack of Kona walking down the hallway, you know the noise a dog makes, toe nails on hardwood floors. I sat up wondering why Kona was up and wandering around, but was surprised to see Kona sound asleep next to me. The sound of the paws of the "dog" in the hallway disappeared into the dining room and stopped. Perhaps a little visit from Boomer? Or --?

OK, call me crazy. But I am smiling. Just saying....

Overwhelmed: Take 2

 I know this blog has been quiet, especially since faithful readers have been contacting me asking if I'm okay.... sorry about that, thank you for your concern. I am okay, just been tired, overwhelmed and stressed. Seems lately everything is falling apart. Add computer glitches to that!

For starts, the termites are back with a vengeance: eating not only the french doors, but now munching the front door, a couple of windows and even the floor. So had to get the termite guy back for a retreatment and a total inspection of the house. Thank goodness for the warranty.

Then the sprinkler system died and I had to have the thing totally redone to the tune of $1,100.00...

And the refrigerator ice maker, which has been making death rattles for the past few months, finally croaked. Had to replace that. Another $400 or so. After it was installed, I kept thinking it wasn't working, as I didn't hear it working, though there was some ice in the tray. One night, I decided that the only way to find out for sure was to empty the tray before bedtime and if it is working, there should be ice in the morning. Morning comes: no ice. Call the guy back who diagnoses a broken valve, checks his truck for the part, doesn't have it. Calls his office, they don't have one. Checks local supply companies and finds the nearest valve in North Carolina. This is on a Thursday and it won't be delivered until next Wednesday.... so I get out the 5-day large cooler that Bob and I bought years ago for hurricane season, run to the store (wearing a mask), buy a few bags of ice, fill the cooler only to find the next day my floor flooded as the rubber stopper is broken. Have to mop up that mess, soaked rugs, etc. Go to Walmart, buy a 7-day cooler, when I pick it up, it's heavier than the old one but I figure that's because it's stronger, think I can handle it, take it out to my car, lose my car in the parking lot (duh) find car, have a hell of time getting the cooler in the car, then stop for ice on my way home, lug the new cooler into the house thinking I've made a mistake (this is a two person job) but handle it, fill it up only to find (false advertisement that "retains ice for 7 days" sticker) because two days later I have a cooler half filled with water and half clumped together ice. Have to scoop out ice and dump by handfuls into bathtub, then lift the heavy cooler, teetering in on rim of the tub, to open the valve and let the water out. Dry it off, back to Walmart to get a refund, buy a different cooler (5 day) on wheels, easier for me handle, stop again at the store, buy more ice, come home only to find a message that the part for the refrigerator is in and they can put it in that afternoon.

And Kona has another ear infection, first I tried a homeopathic vinegar treatment but that didn't work and she is now on a medication for four weeks so she can't go in the pool, this just after I got her over her pool fear. The pet pharmacy screwed up the order: my vet ordered eight doses but when the pharmacy called me for payment they said it was 12 doses, I said it's supposed eight so the guy on the phone checks with the pharmacist, says I'm right, it is eight. I pay for it and two days later get 4 doses instead of 8..... Did get it all rectified but a hassle to deal with.

Then I'm biting into a piece of chocolate, the one little pleasure I allow myself as I'm trying to diet, one piece of chocolate a day. I bit down heard a crunch, pulled it out of my mouth, horrified I found a human tooth in it. Turns out to be mine. Had to make an emergency appointment to see the dentist. This happens on a Friday and can't get in until Tuesday, so a long painful four days and recovery afterwards and more money out the door...

Back in Feb. or so, I had noticed a black wet stain under my coffee maker which unknown to me had been leaking. We have wood countertops. I got a new coffee maker and tried to scrub out the strain the best I could and let it dry out figuring no one will see it under the coffee maker and one day I'll have the whole countertop sanded and refinished. To my horror, in July, I walk into the kitchen to see that the countertop has buckled (warped) up more than inch and a gap is spreading between the countertop sections, not to mention everything is crooked and doors on cabinets not closing properly. I did put some weights on the warped part (read this on a DIY site) but that didn't work, so I'm going to have to get a carpenter over here to fix it... still working on that... a guy coming (hopefully) tomorrow to take a look... 

Meanwhile, I find out I can't legally quote from depositions for my memoir as the Defendant didn't file them with the circuit court and even though I have copies of them, can't use them as they are not "public record".  I spent a couple of days looking through court records online, finding only "motions to dismiss", "motions to depose", motions to do everything but no depositions on file. This really screwed up my manuscript as I was using quotes throughout, and at Chapter 24 and nearly done, now I have to totally rewrite/rethink... so my book has come to a screeching halt.

Add this whole pandemic thing that has everyone stressed out, including me, a person already prone to anxiety attacks. Going to the store has become a sort of nightmare. I'm feeling lonely, isolated, stressed, tired all the time, trouble sleeping, nightmares, missing Bob, etc.

I won't even mention the squirrel that fell from the sky and nearly clobbered me on the head. Oops, I just did. I was walking Kona, crossing the street, and I hear this whizz, then BANG, then crack! right behind me, turn to see a poor squirrel lying on it's back, one little paw twitching ever so slightly. I am horrified, start to walk away, but turn back, mind spinning: i.e. is he dead? or just injured? and if so, I shouldn't leave him in the street where he (or she) could be run over by a car, but then how to get him/her home and then what? Stop myself, figure Step 1: see if he/she is alive. Take a few steps toward it. The squirrel lifts its head and looks at me, then creeps, pulling itself to the curb, manages to get up the curb and falls on the grass. I think, OMG, it's broken a leg or something. So I take a few steps toward it and it sees me and Kona, springs to life and dashes up the nearest tree. A Lazarus Squirrel! I tell you, it scared me half to death, but I scared it back to life.

There's more, but this post is already too long...

Now I'm going to cross my fingers, push the "publish" button and hope this will post!

What the ---??

 I just spent 45 minutes typing up a new post and when I hit the "publish" button, all that showed up was the title, below!!!!!!   AAAARGH!!!!!  And I can't seem to retrieve a word I wrote... damn

Overwhelmed....

Happy Birthday, Kona!

Can't believe she's 9 years old today... or maybe yesterday, I seem to have different birthdates on different certificates.  But close enough!

And to think, I've had her by my side for five years now......

A little present from the past...

As I've been working on my book, going through old journals of mine, I was closing one when this envelope dropped out. Now I recognize Bob's handwriting anywhere and his nickname for me: "Gorgeous". But when I opened the envelope there was nothing inside...


Hmmm.....


So I flipped through the journal's pages and near the end I found this card:

 

What a pleasant surprise! And just what needed today, as I've been feeling down.

 The journal was from 2008....

A Small Sign of Hope: Night Blooming Hibiscus

In the midst of this world-wide chaos, my grief and insecurities, one of my hibiscus decided to give me a private show last night: and a little hope. So unusual as these blooms last only day and don't usually bloom at night...

Survived the day

Who would think a 5 year death anniversary would be tougher than the others before?... I guess because of the pandemic thing, prior years I would go out to lunch with a friend or do something to honor or just get my mind off the day ... and jeepers doesn't seem like five years, seems like forever and then seems like yesterday... Tried explaining my feelings to people, but few understand. My shrink thinks I should write letters to the nurses to tell them how they impacted Bob and me, and I said, oh, you mean write a letter than burn it or throw it away, and she said "no, send it certified mail, let them know what they did to you."

I tell you, I am in no way going to do that..... plus don't know where those nurses are.... she (my doc) said look up property records, but really, is that a good idea?

Anyway, spent the day, watching movies, walked the dog, raining all day, just like when he died, it rained and rained for weeks like the whole world was weeping with me.....and it is still raining... But hung up a wind chime in Bob's honor. He loved wind chimes, as I do, this is Bob's and my new wind chime, in his honor,...

Five Year Anniversary

Life's sea hath been five years at its slow ebb;

Long hours have to and fro let crept the sand;

Since I was tangled in thy beauty's web

And snared by the ungloving of thine hand.

And yet I never look on the midnight sky,

But I hold thine eyes' well memoried light;

I never gaze upon the rose's dye,

But to thy cheek my soul doth take its flight;

I cannot look on any budding flower,

But my fond ear, in fancy at thy lips,

And harkening for a love-sound, doth devour

Its sweets in the wrong sense: Thou dost eclipse 

Other delights with thy remembering, 

and sorrow to my darling joys dost bring..

John Keats, 1819

In loving memory
January 16, 1959-May 28, 2015
I will always love you, Bob.

Did it!

Got Kona back in the pool!  Took a bit of patience and a ton of tennis balls. Ultimately, her love of tennis balls over-road her fear of the pool!

Two times now, she's been in the pool, fetching balls and thank heavens, acting normal!

Death Anniversary Coming Soon

Death Day is creeping up, May 28th... creeping up on me.... so know not what to do... everything still closed or partially closed because of the pandemic and I feel it -- May 28th creeping, creeping up, every morning when I wake up and see the calendar and soon it will be five years since Bob's been gone.......... and I think, how can that be? so long ago? Seems like yesterday, seems a hundred years ago....

And I am tired, stressed, shaken and having a hard time holding mine own........  Add to that, the other morning I woke up to find dozens of worms crawling up the sheer curtains in front of my french doors in the living room... OK, they were not worms but termites who had shed their wings, and I kept plucking them off the curtains and killing them, saved a few to show the "termite guy" and he said confirmed they were termites. And today, pulled a tissue out of the box only to find a termite on it! GA! Feel like I'm living in some horror movie.... (worms crawling all over! jeepers)

But whatever, what can I do that day? That death anniversary day. Confined as I am to the house.....

Anyone having a problem with this site?

Got an e-mail from "Google Search Console Team" saying that there are "Mobile Usability issues detected on pinkhouseonthecorner.blogspot.com" and the following issues found on my site: text to small to read, viewpoint not set to device-width and clickable elements too close together....  Then I'm supposed to click a button to fix it.....

Afraid to click a button which might just screw up my whole computer.

So am asking, has anyone had any problems viewing/reading by blog?  Let me know, yes or no.

Thanks

And as for me: been busy battling termites, hunting for toilet paper (found some today, YAY!) taking Kona on long walks since she won't go in the pool, still doing my laps without her, gained weight, damn! "stay at home" driving me crazy, emotions up and down, trouble sleeping, nightmares,  --- and working on my book....   sorry if the blog has been quiet.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

What's Up with Kona?

Damn! This dog used to love diving in the pool, playing in the pool, chasing tennis balls....

Suddenly, she doesn't want to go into the pool. When I put on my bathing suit, she used to get excited. Now she just looks at me. When I call her to come, she lies down on the kitchen floor and refuses to come out the door.....

I'm not going to push her or drag her into the pool...

She seems fine in every other way, i.e. appetite, walking, pooping, etc.  Don't know what's gotten into her with the pool.

The only thing I can think of was several weeks ago when she was playing in the pool, fetching tennis balls, she swallowed some water and vomited, quite a bit... found out later the pool tech had used muriatic acid the day before, but when I called the pool company, I was told this acid dissipates quickly and shouldn't have caused that kind of reaction.

Other people seem to think this acid should not have caused any reaction 24 hours later.... And I don't know, because she was acting cautious about the pool before that incident... I had to "lure" her to the pool with tennis balls...

I did tell them (pool company) to let me know when they put chemicals in the pool, so I know....  but still now Kona doesn't want to go into the pool at all.

And I am missing this one little joy in my life: playing with Kona in the pool.

Any ideas?

The way she was! I do miss this!

And so it goes....

Just when I thought I was to the bottom of my to-do list: i.e.: fence (check!) insulation (check!) gates fixed by cottage (check!) AC issues (check!) toilets (2 of them, check!) I walk in the bathroom and find this:

TERMITES!!!!! GA!!!

Thankfully I have a contract with the termite company... but before I call them, I search around the house and find more termite frass (i.e. poop) inside my office window, on the back deck and GA! falling from the french doors that I'd just repaired months ago....

So I call the company which is thankfully still operating and they send the termite guy over to treat all the spots and I beg him to not destroy my french doors like he did the last time as I had to hire two carpenters to rebuild the doors and really don't know how much more those antique doors can take.

He obliged and only poked a few small holes in the doors, but told me it wouldn't be "as effective" and then treated the rest of the areas. Of course, we had to stand "social distance" apart and he was wearing a mask... and he said to wait 20+ days and if I see more frass after that to call him and he'll bring the manager over with him. That was the 16th so now I'm on termite poop patrol.

While he was here, I showed him what I thought was some type of bee hive in the corner of one of the front porch column capitals and he thought it looked like hornets or wasps, told me it would be very expensive for their company to handle that, and first I should try using some hornet/wasp spray. When I said I didn't have any, he suggested I use hair spray first. I don't use hair spray, but I'm thinking I have a little can of hair spray somewhere, I think I got it in one of those "gift bags" you get at charitable events. Anyway, I got out the hair spray after he left and what I thought looked like a hive turned out to be cluster of bees and when I sprayed them, all these black bees fell dead to the porch floor. Who'd have thought hair spray can be a killer?!

So thinking there's probably more bees (maybe in the column itself) I went out to get some bug spray. Since I was going out, decided to make a few more stops along the way. I wore a mask, my therapist had sent me a couple in the mail and damn they are uncomfortable. Keep fogging up my glasses. Have to keep re-adjusting it, etc. Went to the pharmacy (thinking they may have wasp spray -- didn't) but got some stuff I needed. I was one of only a few with a mask on. Had to stand in line with those markers on the floor -- to keep your distance. Kona kept trying to lie down (which is usually good) but I didn't want her lying on what might be a dirty floor, so keep pulling her to her feet, practically hanging the poor girl.

Went next to the liquor store, left Kona in the car. I was the only one there with a mask on. Clerk said, "First time I've seen you without your dog!" (Guess my liquor store robbing days are over,  ha!) Went to the gas station, I was one of only two with a mask on and by then I was so sick of the mask, I took it off and tossed it in the trunk. Then I went to Home Depot.

When I got to the doors, two burly guys in masks stopped me and said "Are you here to shop?"

Well, duh. I said, I just need bug spray. They say, "You have to go the back of the line" and point to where there are four more big bouncer looking guys, arms crossed wearing masks and gloves and they point to this roped off aisle, so Kona and I walk down this aisle and I realize there are dozens of masked people standing in line, just on the other side of the rope (so much for social distancing) and they see me (without a mask) and physically turn away from me as we pass by and I'm thinking this is ridiculous, get to the end of the roped off aisle and headed to my car, went home and bought the bug spray on Amazon.

Not to mention how high anxiety provoking the whole experience was and how stressed I was when we arrived home....

Add that experience and termites on top how depressed and stressed and lonely I've been since all this "staying at home" virus stuff started. Somedays it's hard to get out of bed.

I do believe the world has gone crazy.

Fence Completion

Still "Sheltering in Place" or "Staying in Place" or whatever they are calling it now...and are told not the leave the house for two weeks.... but been getting some things done like my fence!

My next-door neighbor notified me in February that he was removing his picket fence which "connects" to my aluminum fence, and when he does this, it would leave my front yard wide open on one side! Yikes!

My fence (black) butted up to neighbor's white picket fence

So I contacted the guy who put my fence in originally and found he's retired and closed his company.  (Problem #1)  Couldn't remember where he bought the fencing. (Problem #2). I dug through all my paperwork and couldn't find the name of the fence company, frustrating! As I usually save things like that... finally remembered the company had "West" in it's name and started googling fence companies with "West" and found it! (Yay me!)

Went to said fence company with photos of my fence telling them I needed to extend. It was the right fence company, however the manufacturer of that fence is no longer in business (GA! Problem #3). So we had to figure out the closest model of fence out there that would match.... Except the proportions were a little off, but more importantly the fence finales were a bit different and my finales had strangely faded since they were installed. (Problem #4).

A guy came out to give me an estimate, said the new fence would not match exactly, but would be close enough... got an estimate (expensive!) and a date for install of April 2nd. (This was in February.) We talked about the finales not matching and he gave me a second estimate for replacing all 317 finales so they match --- which cost a lot more than I imagined, but I decided if your going to do a job, do it right.

Informed my neighbor of the delay, he was okay with it...  In fact, he hasn't even started his project which is to remove his entire fence and re-sod his yard. So "my guys" ended up having to remove the part of his fence that connects with mine.

April 2nd comes and no fence installers. Get a call that the materials didn't get in.... Finally was installed yesterday....

This shows the new fence next to the old, before replacing old finales with matching new ones. You can see that the new finales are closer to the railing, larger bases, a different shape....  so I replaced all 317 finales on the old fence.
Also the rail height it little off, height of fence is the same. Really don't notice that unless you point it out!

Job completed!
AND ONE MORE THING OFF MY TO DO LIST!!!

So now...

It's officially "Stay In Place" it was "Shelter in Place" --- what's the difference? Then "no discretionary travel" and now "no non-discretionary travel"... huh? Double negatives? ... jeepers

I know grocery stores and pharmacies are still open... but that's about it...

So been staying at home.... Had my Therapy appointment via telephone...

For all those who told me I needed to get out of the house, get involved, volunteer, etc.!  ..... I guess now I have real excuse not to....

Kona (who recovered beautifully) from whatever was causing her vomit/diarrhea a few weeks ago,  and was playing in the pool and happy......  suddenly started vomiting Friday...... once (no concern, dogs puke, it's a fact) twice (huh?) third/fourth time (freak out!)...

Gave her anti-nausea meds and pre/probiotics... and have been watching her like a hawk....  no vomiting since Friday (when she puked 4 times) --- seems much better but she looks tired, just want my nutty, jumpy, stupid I love you silly Kona back to normal...  She does seem to be getting there. But I am a concerned, worried dog-mom....

I know I could be weeding the garden (it needs it), organizing my record collection (been thinking about doing that) or organizing drawers or closets, or damn, I REALLY should be writing! But find myself paralyzed  -- watching the dog (is she sick? is she ok?) and me, heck, no energy ----  just watching TV, way too much.....  and not getting much sleep -- nightmares...

Hope everyone else is doing better.

Sheltering In Place

Yesterday afternoon got the call from the county that everyone should "shelter in place" and no non--essential travel allowed. Beaches closed. Malls, stores closed. Bars, restaurants, closed. Parks closed. Etc.

Went out two days ago, bought every loaf of PetFresh (Kona's food) on the shelf as she is allergic to so many dog foods and this one is one she tolerates, stocked up on cat food -- but the shelves were empty as far as toilet paper, tissues, paper towels, bread, meat....

Went out Friday early in the morning as I heard they were going to start shutting down stores.... worse than when hurricane is coming.. never seen anything like it...  Found one PetFresh for Kona, no toilet paper anywhere (four different stores) found my cigs at a gas station and two rolls of Bounty paper towel, made a stop at the liquor store, as gonna need that...

Bought toilet paper on E-bay for 3 times it's normal price...

Normally, I don't go out that much, do have occasional lunches with friends and a friend and I had concert tickets for Graham Nash which got cancelled and I usually don't mind staying home, as that is a writer's life --- but when you know you can't leave the house unless "essential" ... it's really stressful.....

And feeling horribly alone and lonely....

How is everyone else holding up?

Channelling Kona

Ever wonder what your dog is thinking? Or trying to tell you? I got that chance last Sunday at church.

Near the end of every service, they have two or three mediums who give spontaneous readings to the group and one medium stood up and said, "I have message for the lady in back, your traveling companion would like to say something to you."

Kona, who had been lying on the floor, sat up at that moment and stared at me.

He went on, "He wants, no wait.... it's a she, right?"

Me: "Yes."

"First, she wants to thank you for taking care of her..." (Which I took to mean while she was sick these past 3-4 weeks)

"And she wants you to know she loves going places with you and she is so very happy that you are her mom. And finally, she loves you very very much."

Aw....

and you can bet that brought a tear to my eye...

Scam calls, Telemarketers, grrr.. but I figured out a way to stop some of them! Maybe....

So many of you know I've been plagued by hundreds of fake creditor calls (which freak me out as they threaten to take me to court and still freak me out, even though no one has served me with any papers yet, and my attorney says just ignore them....) and then other scam phishing type calls, i.e. the IRS, or Social Security or Microsoft or "you have won" some contest I never entered, or the organizations wanting donations and being so persistent (i.e. can I put you down for $10.00) -- which I'm sure many of you get -- so I began just not answering any unknown telephone call coming in, figuring if it was a friend they'd leave a message and if not... blocking calls from unknown numbers...

Well, tonight I am feeling lonely, a case of the blues, hard time writing today, jeepers my book ms. is a mess, tearing my hair out over it, thinking I really would like to talk to someone but didn't want to bother anyone with my problems.... wondering who I could call to "dump" my issues on and thinking OMG what a mess I am to not even have one someone to call when I feel like shit, some one who would just listen and I could rant/vent to, someone who would tell me I'm OK, don't jump off the bridge yet! but couldn't think of anyone... anyway..

 The phone rings, an "unknown caller" on caller ID... So I pick it up. Call goes like this.

Me: Hello?

Caller:  Hello!  Is this Diane?

Me: Yes. Whose calling please?

Caller: This is Ryan. How are you today? (I don't know any Ryan -- by the tone of his voice though I'm figuring this guy is selling something or trying to get a donation or some sort of thing like that...)

Me: Well, my dog was vomiting and had diarrhea for over three weeks, I've been worried sick even though she's better now, I am so stressed, and had a really bad day working today, and you know my husband died and I miss him so much and I feel like I haven't a friend in the world and I am so lonely and really want to just talk to someone...

CLICK  He hung up!

HA HA HA!

Heck, guess that cheered me up more than I imagined.

So if you get a scam phishing call, dump all your problems on them! Worked for me.

But probably wouldn't work on those scam creditor calls, cause creditors have no heart...

On second thought, it might work with creditors --- start talking about dog vomit and diarrhea in detail. Just saying. ha!

Now what to do to stop those irritating robocalls....

Finally Some Good News!

All of Kona's lab work (urine, feces, blood) came back negative! And Kona is back on her regular dog food, tolerating it fine and the diarrhea is also clearing up.

She does seem a bit tired, but who wouldn't after being so sick for so long...  Still don't really know what caused her to be so sick, perhaps she got into something that didn't agree with her... I can't think of anything, but people are always tossing garbage and half-eaten food, etc. on the ground and sidewalks and maybe she gulped something down that I didn't notice....

So, looks like we are out of the danger zone!!! Thank God!

And thank you, dear readers, all for your prayers, healing light, thoughts and support. I do appreciate it.

And a very special thank you to my friend/vet for going the extra mile and dealing with me and my anxiety!!!!

OK- what should I blog about?

A blog is online journal, so I blog about what's happening in my life...

All was well with my blog as long as I was posting about Bob and his recovery, which of course ended in his death...

So --- I have tried to keep up this blog, even though Bob is gone.....

I have wrote about grief,.. everyone seems sick about hearing about that. Though grief affects me daily.

I blogged about mediums  --  but got bad responses, or no responses  and -- damn had a great reading with John Holland (national known, author of six books), saw him in person in 2017 -- signed up for a reading in 2017 and finally got an appointment over the phone this past November ---wanted so much to write a blog post about his reading, but I couldn't download the recording which I wanted to refer to before posting and asked a friend to help with download and she said he was a fraud.... and I should not waste money on that -- so didn't post that reading.

Had another reading from Jennifer Farmer, another medium, not as well known but-- very interesting,  she came to my house, in fact she met Chris in my hallway!  But still, seems no one wants to hear about "whoo-whoo" readings. So I don't feel comfortable to blog about those...

So I post about Kona, being sick because I am worried about her, still am as she still has diarrhea and I'm putting together a special diet for her everyday --- but.. well, um I guess can't talk about that either... as people get upset about it.....

What do you want to hear about?

Hey!  It's 59 degrees in Florida and my sprinkler system is broke...  I think there are rats in my attic... stray cats yowling at night, and the my damn neighbor is taking down his fence, which means I have to spend around $4000 to close the hole his fence will leave in my yard  -- anything else?

Tell me, please what should I blog about? What would you want to read? What do you want to know?

I am still writing my memoir, far from done, don't want to lose my faithful blog readers.... I love you all!

Thanks

Another Kona Update

So Kona still not up to par, and you can just imagine how this affects me....  I'm about to start vomiting myself... from stress

Blood tests came back, her ALP was 235, my vet says that's just slightly high -- though normal is 5-160 --  I freak out cause seems high to me, and could point to liver issues.... but my vet says a "high" is like 1200 and also Kona not showing any other signs of liver issues, all other blood work looks normal. Though we could run more tests, if I wanted....

She is eating, but just chicken (bland diet), stools are formed but soft, so not quite diarrhea -- still not normal.... but not vomiting... so... I chose to wait it out.. I hope I'm making right decisions here....

Last night, took Kona for a late walk (as she didn't poop earlier so thought she might poop) and it was dark, so took a flashlight with me and long walk at that as I'd always heard "movement helps bowel movement" but... still no poop, we arrived home and there was a stray cat sitting in my yard, by the bushes near the porch. Damn I've had problems stray cats, yowling, howling, certainly don't want a litter of feral kittens under my house ---

Anyway, saw the cat, opened the gate and unhooked Kona's leash and said "Get that cat!" meaning chase it out of our yard. Kona took off like a bullet and cat ran under neighbors fence ---

So Kona's got energy! Then Kona was staring into the bushes and I had my flashlight thinking another cat was there -- put it was a possum with it's teeth barred and hissing, and shit, if I didn't fly and grab Kona by the collar and pull her into the house. Went out afterward with my flashlight, possum still there, but just sitting there. So I said, "Good night, possum, I will not bother you."

Such is my stupid life....

Kona, Kona, Kona...

So as I posted before -- took Kona into a medical vet clinic, on my vet's advice. She told me to tell them (at the clinic) to do x-rays, blood tests, maybe an ultrasound and that's what I said when I checked in. However, the clinic just did x-rays, so my vet came today to draw blood and will send it in for testing...

And the clinic won't give my regular vet the medical records, she especially wanted to see the x-rays -- But I am told I have to call in and get them and give them to her  -- they told me, takes a couple of days for the records to be typed up etc. ... grrrrr  So stupid since my vet referred me to them...  So I'm going to call them tomorrow to see if I can get medical records, or they can send to my vet, or if I have to pick them and deliver them to my vet --- jeepers

Still Kona is not well. She did stop vomiting (so that is an improvement) but now has diarrhea, and she just looks "sick" -- even the vet said she looked "sick" -- just Kona's expression, in her eyes and body language... Not my usual nutty happy dog...

Got some new pills on board, probiotics, prebiotics, anti-nausea, anti-diarrhea.... it's become a stressful game,  ie: this capsule poured over her food, this "paste" med she should lick up or stuff it down, plus pills, one pill can't be given until two hours after the other pills...... some with food, some without-- and "bland diet" started with canned chicken, Kona wouldn't eat, now cooked chicken and ripping the meat off the bones, pain in the butt but I do it and I do have it all written down...

I am going crazy... doing my best....  Being a freaking caregiver again!

You know how much I love and need her.... thanks again for your prayers and thoughts and please continue to send prayers and healing light...

Kona is sick....

OMG, she's been throwing up everything she eats, I of course have contacted my vet, prescribed some pills, bland diet -- Kona still will not eat.. struggle to get her pills down, this has been going on for about a week and a half... today went to a clinic (my vet, is a mobile vet and can't do x-rays) worried if Kona had a blockage or something in her stomach but thankfully, x-rays showed nothing there,,,,  So new pills have to chase Kona and try to push pill down her throat... jeepers, never knew how hard this dog can clamp her jaws shut -- pulling her jaws open sticking my fingers down her throat with a pill ---   aargh, such a fight

Please, everyone send a prayer, or a white light, or a good thought/vibration to Kona and me. God, I  don't know if I could live without her.... she keeps me going...

thank you.

My "New" Church

A lot of people have been asking me: what is this "weird new-age church" you're going to? Warning me that it might be a cult, and not to give them all my money, or become brainwashed, etc..... so I thought I'd take a moment to explain.

First of all, it's a "spiritualist" church and this is not a "new-age weird" thing. Spiritualist churches have been around since the Victorian era and one of the books we sometimes use is actually an old book dated 1936 called "The Spiritualist Handbook". These books are the real deal, probably would go for a pretty penny at the Antiquarian Book Fair if they weren't so beat up. They also have an updated newer book with newer songs by The Beatles and Doobie Brothers and Tracy Chapman and The Eagles, etc...

They start each service with a recitation of The Spiritualist Declarations of Principles. Which explains the religion and it goes like this:

We believe in infinite intelligence.

We believe the phenomena of nature, both physical and spiritual, are an expression of infinite intelligence.

We affirm that a correct understanding of such expression and living accordance therewith constitute a true religion.

We affirm the the existence and personal identity of the individual continue after the change called death.

We affirm that communication with the so-called dead is a fact, scientifically proven by the phenomena of Spiritualism.

We believe the highest morality is contained in the Golden Rule: "Whatsoever ye would that others should do unto you, do ye also onto them.

We affirm that the moral responsibility of the individual, and that he makes his own happiness or unhappiness as he obeys or disobeys Nature's physical and spiritual laws.

We affirm that the doorway to reformation is never closed against any human soul hereafter.

We affirm that the precept of Prophecy contained in the Bible is a divine attribute proven through mediumship.

The church is small, maybe 10-20 in attendance and embraces every religion. Today we had a guest speaker, a truly southern Bible thumping reverend punctuating his statements with "GIVE ME AN AMEN, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!" and such. Not exactly my cup of tea, but I like the diversity of the members and the acceptance of every race, culture and religion.

Today, after service, I met a man who does "table tipping". Now that would be something to see!

Fun Weekend -- Went too fast!

So my friends are gone, heading back to Wisconsin. Took longer to clean house, than the time they spent here.... And today, I'm doing loads of laundry, closing the guest house, etc. not so fun!


The girls enjoyed the pool!

And it was Valentine's Day, so having company here made that day a bit easier for me without Bob. Practically forgot about it, until the pizza we ordered arrived "heart shaped".

Then I got this beautiful bouquet on my front door step signed from my dear friend Hillary (and her dogs)!

 She asked (when I thanked her) if it (the bouquet) looked like a dog. Because that's what she ordered. I thought huh?  I had to go look at it closer.... Took me awhile, then ah ha! I found him, there is a doggie in there  -- so cute!

Do you see it?

Thanks Hillary!

Phew!

Spent the last few weeks cleaning the house, yard etc. and boy did it need it! Can't believe how much I live like a bachelor.... And how much my back is killing me.

Then the toilet broke in the main house. Got a plumber over to fix that. Then the toilet in the guest broke! GA! So had to get the plumber back again. Hopefully everything is now in working order.

I have friends from The Great White North coming to stay the weekend. Looking forward to it. Pool was cleaned today and I'm sure the girls will be loving it!

Only problem is their doesn't get in until 11:35 p.m. So will be a late night waiting for their arrival......

Adventures with Kona

Last week, Kona and I were grocery shopping. I'm in the freezer section, cooler doors open, looking for something (I forget what) when I hear a man's voice say, "Hey! Your dog has a chicken bone in it's mouth!"

I immediately look at Kona and I see her chewing something.... crunchy.

So there I am, in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store, on my knees prying open Kona's mouth, get her mouth open, reach in and pull out the end of a chicken drumstick. Splintered. So I go back in and begin pulling shards of chicken bone out of her mouth, her throat, I mean my hand was down as far as I could reach, up to my wrist in her mouth, still pulling out shards of bone and tossing them on the floor all the while saying something like:

"What are you doing, this could kill you! You could choke too death! And I need you, girl! What would I do without you?"

And more splinters of chicken bones tossed on the floor and my hand and wrist are covered with chicken fat and dog saliva. And a crowd of people gathered around -- I don't know if just to watch or because we were blocking the aisle....

Anyway, finally I dislodged what I could. Thankfully, Kona is not the type of dog who would bite me even with my hand in her mouth.  My old dog, Boomer, would've probably bitten my hand off...  Kona is gentle... and

Thank God for the guy who told me about the bone.  Or I never would have known what she was eating.

When I got up off the floor, only one guy was left watching me. I thanked him. And fled, leaving the chicken bone and splinters where they landed on the floor because I didn't want Kona to go for them again. Checked out of the store quickly, drove home as fast as I could, called my vet (Hillary) left a message, googled "what to do if dog eats chicken bone" -- found a website that said feed the dog bread, and heck I just left the grocery store and didn't buy bread, but had some flour tortillas and so feed her a bunch of tortillas and her usual dog food and some water, she ate and drank everything and  thankfully Hillary called back --- and also thankfully, Kona wasn't throwing up and was eating but spent the next 72 hours on "poop watch". Fun! I mean I pick poop daily, twice a day actually, but not used to "examining it"... yikes

Thankfully, she's okay.

Ah, the life of a Service Dog and her handler!

BTW: what kind of idiot eats a chicken drumstick in the grocery store and just tosses the bone on the floor?

I'M BAAAACK!

After my internet being completely down, or off and on, for a couple of weeks and spending hours on the phone with tech support plus other hours uploading, downloading, waiting for things to upload/download, not to mention visiting "help" sites to to try to get this computer working right, and hours/days pulling out my hair... seems it is, finally working!

Fingers crossed...

Will try to blog something more relevant tomorrow....

Perhaps my computer needs some Reiki --

Sorry for the silence....

I'll be back!

Today is Bob's 61st Birthday....

Happy Birthday sweetheart! I love you, miss you and will always celebrate you this day. You are my husband, my one and only, in spirit and forever......

Q & A

Dear Readers: I've learned my lesson and promise to try to reply to all comments.

I have a question, hypothetical question, actually a couple, for you all, and would appreciate your honest response.

Question #1:

If your father, whom you always thought of as your Dad, was, in fact, not your biological father, would you want to know the truth?

Question #2:

If you found out your father was not your biological father (from a third party) how would that make you feel?

Thanks and looking forward to some responses.

Happy New Year

Here's to:

Another year without Bob.

Another year of anxiety and stress and depression.

Another year of loneliness

Another year I feel I can't blog my true feelings ---  as I get mostly negative comments -- or no comments --which is worse?

Or sometimes the"be happy" comments or the "get over it" comments --- which just make me feel like a failure...

The occasional supportive comment -- I love. Thank you.

But another year without most people understanding how I feel.

Another year just trying to get by....

Another year of writing my book...

Hope I find something this year....  not that anyone gives a shit... but it is what it is....

Happy New Year to you all!